Anyone afraid to tell their family about their pregnancy? — The Bump
1st Trimester

Anyone afraid to tell their family about their pregnancy?

Hello everyone. So I am 24 and have an 8 month old. I just found out I'm pregnant with number 2. My family was not so thrilled with me being pregnant with my 1st baby and some family members didn't talk to me for months. They are accepting and love my son but I'm afraid they are going to go crazy when I tell them about baby number two. I'm living with the father of both babies and we both have careers but I feel like my family looks at me like I'm still a baby myself. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Any advice?

Re: Anyone afraid to tell their family about their pregnancy?

  • Live your life sweetie. It's yours. They will have to get over it. Tell them that you're happy about it and end the discussion if people get upset or mean about it. Do they not like the father? Are they wanting you to be married first? Why were they so upset the first time?
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  • Thanks :) that's how I feel but I also don't like conflict or drama. I am a people pleaser. Everyone likes the father, he's a great dad. We are not married and my family tends to be old fashioned so that might be part of it. I had just graduated college when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I was going to go to graduate school but obviously no longer had the time for that. We definitely don't have the most money in the world, but I still have a job in my field and we have our own place.
    My family just had high hopes of me going off to graduate school and being highly successful. I think they wanted to see me married and owning a home before all this. We are also an interracial couple. So we are super nontraditional in every way possible lol
  • Thanks :) that's how I feel but I also don't like conflict or drama. I am a people pleaser. Everyone likes the father, he's a great dad. We are not married and my family tends to be old fashioned so that might be part of it. I had just graduated college when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I was going to go to graduate school but obviously no longer had the time for that. We definitely don't have the most money in the world, but I still have a job in my field and we have our own place.
    My family just had high hopes of me going off to graduate school and being highly successful. I think they wanted to see me married and owning a home before all this. We are also an interracial couple. So we are super nontraditional in every way possible lol

    I won't say I understand being a people pleaser lol but I do know that you can't live your life for others. Sometimes life happens despite all the planning in the world. Success is subjective. They probably consider a high paying job successful. Other people may find that success means having kids and a family. I went to college and all but personally I find my joy in being home with my kids while they are young. Others prefer to work on their careers. There's no right or wrong, it's all about what's doing best for you. Plus, having kids doesn't mean you won't or can't continue your schooling later on in life. Nothing is set in stone!

    One thing I know I will keep in mind with my kids is that my job is to arm them with as much knowledge and experience as possible. But it's THEIR job to use that knowledge to live their lives as they want to. It's not my job to tell them how to live their lives once they are grown. Sometimes parents lose track of that and try to live out their expectations through their kids.

    Either way, I'm sure your family will get over it and love the new baby like they did the first one. Oh and I have no comment on the interracial part. To me, that's a nonissue.
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    AmstreagleCaliforniaDream87[Deleted User]SarahK503
  • Thanks :) that's how I feel but I also don't like conflict or drama. I am a people pleaser. Everyone likes the father, he's a great dad. We are not married and my family tends to be old fashioned so that might be part of it. I had just graduated college when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I was going to go to graduate school but obviously no longer had the time for that. We definitely don't have the most money in the world, but I still have a job in my field and we have our own place.
    My family just had high hopes of me going off to graduate school and being highly successful. I think they wanted to see me married and owning a home before all this. We are also an interracial couple. So we are super nontraditional in every way possible lol

    I won't say I understand being a people pleaser lol but I do know that you can't live your life for others. Sometimes life happens despite all the planning in the world. Success is subjective. They probably consider a high paying job successful. Other people may find that success means having kids and a family. I went to college and all but personally I find my joy in being home with my kids while they are young. Others prefer to work on their careers. There's no right or wrong, it's all about what's doing best for you. Plus, having kids doesn't mean you won't or can't continue your schooling later on in life. Nothing is set in stone!

    One thing I know I will keep in mind with my kids is that my job is to arm them with as much knowledge and experience as possible. But it's THEIR job to use that knowledge to live their lives as they want to. It's not my job to tell them how to live their lives once they are grown. Sometimes parents lose track of that and try to live out their expectations through their kids.

    Either way, I'm sure your family will get over it and love the new baby like they did the first one. Oh and I have no comment on the interracial part. To me, that's a nonissue.
    Exactly this. I'm personally one of those who's goal in life was to have a family and have always been like that.
  • Thanks guys :) I agree with everything you said. It's just hard to tell people knowing they are going to be upset and give nothing but negative feedback, regardless of my own feelings. When I told my Dad the first time, I was already about 4 months. I kid you not his reaction was, "why didn't you just get an abortion?" I mean I'm pro choice and all but I couldn't help but be ridiculously offended.
  • Thanks guys :) I agree with everything you said. It's just hard to tell people knowing they are going to be upset and give nothing but negative feedback, regardless of my own feelings. When I told my Dad the first time, I was already about 4 months. I kid you not his reaction was, "why didn't you just get an abortion?" I mean I'm pro choice and all but I couldn't help but be ridiculously offended.

    Wow. That was a horribly insensitive thing to say.
    The way I'm reading it it seems like he said it in a nonchalant way like it could be he was just asking if you could take out the trash or something.
  • My family was the same way the first time around and honestly the second time they took it so much better . I hope it goes that way for you , to me a child can bring nothing but more love into a house hold .
    StefmDek
  • Though I am married and have been for 5 years, I too am afraid to tell everyone about baby 2. My mom preached to me for 2 years now, my sons current lifetime, about how she would have only had one if she had the choice; keep in mind I am the younger sibling of an older brother. I know she loves me, but it made me think. Anyway I am announcing it next week after Dr. Confirmation. In the end all that matters is you, your man, and your kids; and they will be the ones that are always there no matter what. Hope this helped a little.
  • I had my first two very close together, it was scary at first, but I wouldn't change a thing!!! My girls are 15 months apart and it has been incredible watching them grow together! My family took round two much better than the 1st. Regardless of how your family deals with your news it going to be great for your kids to have a sibling so close in age :). Best of luck to you!
  • I found out with my first that I was pregnant at 17, and had him at 18.  It was so scary, and my family had mix emotions. Some took a while to come around... but I figured if they don't want nothing to do with me or my child, thats on them.
    It sucks because we want that support and we want our family to love us... but if they are THAT stubborn, then forget them. 
    If you don't it will just eat you up, and its not fair to you.. if your family really loves you they will accept this no matter what!

    My second son was planned. I was pregnant at 21, and I wanted him so bad! my family was pretty happy about it, but my dad's side had mix emotions.. like always. I gave them time, after I had Jace, I went to visit them for christmas. He was already 3 months and they haven't seen me when I was pregnant, or when he was born. They LOVED Him... they were so happy to see him.. 
    This can show you how giving them time makes them usually calm down and accept it.

    I am NOW pregnant with my 3rd child. It was a shock, not planned at all... and I really didn't want to have a baby right now. I am turning 23 in less than a week. My mom is so happy for me, my husband wanted it, and my mom in law is happy. They support me.. however my dad hasn't said a word about it, or replied to me about it. My brother hasn't either. 
    If they don't like it, OH well.. its not their life!  I am not going to live my life around other people to make them happy. 
    Things happen, and thats just life.  Once the baby is here, I am pretty sure they will all be wanting to see him/her and they will get over it. 
    You just have to have a back bone. Tell them things happen, and you are keeping the baby so if they have any issues other wise then they don't need to talk to you and be negative. You don't need it right now!  Tell them if they truly love you, they will support you and accept it. 
                      


                     35 Weeks with Baby Boy #3 

    Jace Thomas- 2 years old and Zachary William 5 years old!

  • Thank you all for sharing your stories and giving your support, it really helps! I am only a few weeks so it will probably be a while before I tell anyone. But you all have definitely put things in perspective for me. Thanks again!
  • The only person I have been afraid to tell is my grandma, despite being with the father for over 7 years, both with careers, our own home, and well into our 30s, we are not married. I know she will hate that.  My life will continue as usual but with all the extra emotions I am feeling I worry about the affect one snide comment will have on me. I know the feeling!
  • I was afraid to tell my husband. Silly to most people but this makes baby #4 for us. He didn't really want anymore and my birth control failed and we got pregnant anyway. So here I am 5 weeks pregnant I told him but he was extremely upset for about a week. Right now he's slowly coming around I had my first doctors appointment and I was able to talk to him about it when he got home from work without am argument of any kind. He just listened.
  • Though I am married and have been for 5 years, I too am afraid to tell everyone about baby 2. My mom preached to me for 2 years now, my sons current lifetime, about how she would have only had one if she had the choice; keep in mind I am the younger sibling of an older brother. I know she loves me, but it made me think. Anyway I am announcing it next week after Dr. Confirmation. In the end all that matters is you, your man, and your kids; and they will be the ones that are always there no matter what. Hope this helped a little.

    Ummm.....that's so [email protected]#$ up. Wow. Sorry about that.
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  • My husband is sorta slowly coming around to another baby but I think its just gonna take some time.4 is kind of a lot to handle but 10 years with each other and now were married I think we will be fine. I just had an emotional breakdown telling him and then his reaction really hurt me.
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