September 2015 Moms

Don't trust husband?

My MIL is buying me a ticket so my son and I can visit family in Washington. My son is 7 months old and only met his grandma and aunt once. That was when he was born. My husband and I weren't planning a trip up to Washington until February of 2016. But I'm worried that when I'm gone he will go spending crazy. I'm a stay at home mom and manage all the bills and spending money. I just get nervous that when I'm away he will drive his happy self to game stop and buy everything. I mean, I don't care what he buys since he is the one working but I care when he spends a lot of money, especially money for bills. He cannot budget for the life of him. I have no clue how he made it before I came along and introduced budgeting. How can I not worry so much? Any good tips?

Re: Don't trust husband?

  • I would give him an envelope of fun money when you leave and tell him to enjoy himself. This way he can go a little crazy within your budgetary limits.
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    Pay all bills before you leave and tell him, "this is all you've got". If you budget and pay everything then you get to tell him how much he's got to play with.

    I pay all of our bills and do the shopping. I simply tell my husband what we've got, what we need to not spend and what is available to spend. He often takes a little of his paycheck out as cash when he deposits and just spends whatever cash he has if he wants something.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Well, you could always open a private account and put all the money you don't want him to spend in there while you are gone....
  • I am kind of confused by this. He supports the family, you are going on vacation, and you are worried he might spend too much money on himself while he stays home? Doesn't he deserve some new games to play or to eat take out for a week?

    I would just leave him be to enjoy himself. How much damage can he do?
    BabyFruit Ticker



  • He can do a lot of damage LOL, that's why I have no clue how he survived before I met him
  • How long will you be gone? He doesnt understand that certain money is set aside to pay bills? Make it clear to him what the money in the acct is for and how much he can spend. He wont spend if your there? I think many women including myself baby men too much. Talk to him wife to husband and make sure hes clear. Otherwise hes only going to have to work more to make up what he spent
  • @lopezroke no, he does not understand. I will be gone for 5 days. Even if I was gone for one day, he will spend a lot of money. He just doesn't understand. I've had plenty of talks with him. I have sat him down and hand written all of the bills we have and how much money a month we receive. It didn't work. I've also tried to have him take over paying bills for a month so he can understand what I go through. The only thing he paid was rent. My husband spends so much that when I ask him what he spent this amount on, he doesn't even remember. That's how bad it is.
    @Izzies I completely agree with you. I worked a 9-5 job before we had our son and we both agreed I would stay home.
  • I totally get it, my hubby can't hold onto money for more than a day or two and has nothing to show for it afterwards. I say he has holes in his pockets! before me he was actually homeless! I manage our money and give him spending cash, he knows not to swipe his card unless I give him express permission. sounds like a cash envelope might work for you guys, as long as you can convince him not to use his card?
  • @izzies I didn't say it was "his" money. I said that he works to support the family and she is worried about going on vacation without him that he may spend money, instead of allowing him to enjoy himself a bit. Sorry, that's just crazy to me. But I also didn't realize there were grown men out there that can't control themselves and will spend all the bill money and 2nd mortgage the house unless they have a leash on. Don't make it a stay at home mom martyr post please.
    BabyFruit Ticker



  • I feel you! My husband gets paid weekly and he honestly now only gets a $100 a week to spend on what he wants put into a separate checking. I took away his card for our joint bank account and had to take away his credit card because when we bought our house a 1.5 years ago we had no debt, 6 months later of allowing him to handle his own credit card and payments and he racked up over $10,000! Before we bought our house, no big deal, I could pay that off in 2 months, but now, I don't have money sitting around just to pay off his debt. And sadly it was just 7-eleven every morning, buying junks that I could've gotten way cheaper elsewhere, and shopping online for unnecessary "toys".
  • @ bvp101283 my comment was in no way a "stay at home mom martyr" comment . If you took it that I think you missed the point of what I was saying .
  • Um what you said was "Also for people that said it's "his money" as a stay at home mom I find that really offensive. My husband and I made a JOINT decision for me to stay home." - when no one had said it was "his" money. So it sure felt like you were jumping to conclusions there.
    BabyFruit Ticker



  • @bpv101283 I never said he couldn't enjoy himself. He definitely can, but what I AM worried about is him going spending crazy and I'm left to stress about it because we have no way to pay bills. He gets a weekly allowance and can use it however he wants. If he chooses to spend it or save it then that is his choice. The rest of the money is for bills and savings. If I let him spend whatever he wants we would be homeless and in thousands of dollars in debt.
  • If he understands and recognizes that he has a problem, I would take away his credit card and only give him a certain amount of cash to spend. When it's gone, it's gone. If he doesn't want to recognize his bad behavior and he is the primary bread winner, that could be a lot more difficult... :/ Sounds like you guys really need to sit down and have a "come to Jesus" talk. If you have 2 children, he really needs to learn that his spending impacts not just himself but his children also. That is a tricky one...good luck!
  • @rachel4733 he understands he has a problem. I've had several talks with him and have taken his credit card away but he will just take it back. I give him $200 a week to spend on how he pleases. That is aside from him buying his drinks for work and cigarettes (ugh -.- hopefully he quits.) He spends about $100 dollars on drinks and cigarettes a week. When I am gone he can't help but spend, he knows it's wrong and will feel bad but won't return it.
  • There's a difference between being bad with money and something more clinical, like a spending disorder. It might help to figure out what he's dealing with, because the latter may not be fixed with precautions and barriers but with him seeking counseling. If it's not clinical, I like Dave Ramsey, as a resource he talks about teamwork, it's not fair to always have to manage the finances alone and be seen as the bad guy, and it's way more rewarding to have both of you on the same page regarding financial goals. Good luck!!!
  • Girl, I just want to say I know how easy it is to say "how does he not get it?" My SO taught me that some people really just don't get it. I honestly still don't know how, but I know they really don't! From the sounds of it, my man isn't as bad as your hubby, but he's not good. Often it seems like his paychecks go to energy drinks and cigarettes (I wish mine would quit too :/ he had a lot of addiction troubles yesrs ago though, so I try to let go of the vices he still has) and then fun stuff on top of it. Leaving my paycheck to pay the bills and get groceries and things. He doesn't mean to do it, but it's frustrating. He's also verrry touchy, so if I bring it up it tends to become an issue of "I work hard, I should be able to spend my money on stuff I want!" and "I thought all of our money goes to the same place anyways?" It does, but sometimes it would be nice if I got fun stuff for me, and he took care of the bills! I'm not a spender, so it was very odd for me when we got together to be with someone who sooo is. But, we have a budget spreadsheet now, and whether he likes it or not, he'll be looking at it with me and seeing what needs to be done. He'll also figure it out when I'm taking time off work with baby, and he's doing the monetary household supporting solo.
  • How old are these men? Aren't they adults? You don't get a pass for being a bad adult that spends money that should go to the well-being of your children because, "you're bad at money?" And, were they this way before you married them? I'm so confused that these adult men need a baby-sitter. My husband wants a wife and partner, not a new mother. I want him to be my partner in all things. We have a joint account that each of us contribute half of each check to. That's for bills and vacation. The rest is ours in our separate accounts. As adults, we each have checking and savings. My mind is blown.
  • @rachel4733 he understands he has a problem. I've had several talks with him and have taken his credit card away but he will just take it back....When I am gone he can't help but spend, he knows it's wrong and will feel bad but won't return it.

    sounds like you could take it away during your trip and leave him cash, then? just take it with you and give it back when you get home.
  • How old are these men? Aren't they adults? You don't get a pass for being a bad adult that spends money that should go to the well-being of your children because, "you're bad at money?" And, were they this way before you married them? I'm so confused that these adult men need a baby-sitter. My husband wants a wife and partner, not a new mother. I want him to be my partner in all things. We have a joint account that each of us contribute half of each check to. That's for bills and vacation. The rest is ours in our separate accounts. As adults, we each have checking and savings. My mind is blown.

    @samyberg81 I'm fortunate enough to have a husband that is extremely responsible with money, but I know a lot of people who just are not. It takes self control and a form of responsibility that not everyone possesses. Everyone is different... I'm sure there's a reason these ladies married their husbands and that they have other strengths.
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