July 2015 Moms

Baby Shower Drama Between Mom and MIL

Hey ladies, 

I need some advice. My mom had been planning to throw a shower for me all along. In recent weeks, she also began purchasing items for our nursery (e.g. the crib, a dresser, crib set). While my husband and I are very grateful, I feel that she's attempting to "one-up" my mother in law in getting all the essentials purchased. I really want my shower to be a true surprise (I ruined the surprise for my bridal shower and I don't want to do that again!). 

That being said, I acknowledged all my mom's "chipping ins" but nicely said that my husband and I would like to do some things on our own (e.g. buy some items that are affordable to us without having anyone offer to help). I even mentioned that we wanted to leave some things for his parents to purchase to make it seem like a family effort (again, all VERY much appreciated but we could probably manage if they didn't offer). Anyway, now both moms are going head to head on baby shower logistics and it's making me so upset and just ready to give up on wanting a shower. I found out the other day that my MIL called my mom and began asking questions about shower logisiics and if my sister in law and her would be invited even if they decide to throw their own shower for me. My mom mentioned it would be a small affair, to which my MIL noted that my husband and I have a lot of friends so shouldn't it be a bit bigger in size? My mom didn't really say anything in resposne. Ugh, it's enough to make a pregnant girl's head spin!!!!! Has anyone ever experienced this? Advice please!!!!!!

Re: Baby Shower Drama Between Mom and MIL

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    Shower gifts, invites and things of that nature should honestly be the least of your conerns. It does sound to me like the best thing for everyone would be for each mom to host their own (given the information you've provided, each of them butting heads.) That way, they can each invite who/how many people they want with minimal grief. While it's wonderful and thoughtful to have people host a party for you, it's really just small potatoes in the whole scheme of things. Try and not let other people's squabbling affect you so much.

    If the two women just can't seem to get along and it's upsetting you that much then you should probably let them know. Maybe they don't realize how they are acting. Or maybe there is a communication gap somewhere. Either way, at least you will have let them know how you are feeling. Good luck.
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    I am going through the same thing now. My mom has been planning and getting ideas for the shower for ever. I want to have the shower at my mil because they already have the essentials like tables and chairs. "Outdoor BBQ " My mom was not happy when I told her this. I want to make everyone happy and I can't! I feel your pain!
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    I went through this with my bridal shower. It was so bad I told everyone I was not having another shower...ever. Fast forward to now and my friend insisted on throwing me a shower but she promised I would have NOTHING to do with it and all I had to do was show up. My MIL keeps asking me questions and trying to pull me back in but I just tell her I don't know the answers and she should talk to my friend.

    In your case two showers might be perfect...if you can stomach it. But let them know you are super busy and don't have time to help with details.
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    My mother and MIL get along famously, but for simplicity's sake we are having 2 showers.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    pinktorridorapinktorridora member
    edited March 2015
    I guess this is one of those times that I consider myself lucky that our parents get along so well. Last Saturday, I met my mom and my MIL (who drove together) at the place my mom wants to have my baby shower. We had a tour and had lunch and dessert and great conversation. If I were you I would tell the moms to cut the crap because it's stressing you out!
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    Lol well, maybe I'm bad for saying this... But it is very difficult for you to get involved, for one.. Nothing you can do to make them stop.. Only frustrate yourself.. Or cause a war between families. So maybe you should just sit back and let them hash it out between themselves. And enjoy all the gifts! Let them throw 2 showers. Let them buy you everything you need and enjoy. I do understand the wanting to buy stuff yourself.. I was there with both my girls. I took it so personally when my mom would go buy everything before I could.. With my youngest.. She was kind of hurt by how I reacted.. That she didn't want to overstep.. Plus me and my daughters father were doing really good so maybe she didn't feel she should step in.. With this baby.. I'm alone. I can manage yes.. But it's hard and my mom has gone out and been buying everything I need. At first it was like "well then.. What can I buy?" But with her lifting the stress and buying essentials, I am free to buy the fun cute things that I didn't have for my daughters. The overly priced ridiculous dresses she don't need. The cute toys she most likely will never play with because we all know babies are like cats.. Boxes are the best toys ever.
    Some won't agree with me.. But I been in this boat.. It causes stress and drama and heartache for both sides if you try to fight it. There only trying to help (or one up each other which truely does help you in the long run.) just sit back and try not to let it bother you. If they start to get you involved then you should ask them nicely to keep you out of it. If they get hurt then, that's unavoidable. You should not be stressed out right now.
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    If my mother and MIL were planning my baby shower I would have this SAME problem. (My best friend and SIL are throwing/planning mine)! Which they know the deal, so I don't believe their going to involve the mothers at all, so that may be good and bad. But! In your situation, like others said, you just have not worry about it; it really can be the hardest thing though. Keep your head up and don't let it stress you out, its only a shower. Also, with the buying you things deal, I totally understand where you coming from. Sometimes it feels like it's thier child not yours. Howeveer, in the long run you'll probably be super happy you didn't have to buy all that stuff and have more money for other expenses. :)
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    I'm just having 2 showers. Less head spinning.
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    Is it not possible for both of them to throw one shower? They can split the work and plans evenly and it might help with the relationship.
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