September 2015 Moms

Light Hearted Advice for First Time Moms

I know we all get sick of the advice, but if you have anything nice or just something no one thinks to tell you, care to share with the first time moms.

For me it was you never know how big your baby will be, so be prepared with the clothes.  With ds 1 everyone was like oh they are in newborn clothes for no time, don't buy too much.  Well his newborn outfit we took to the hospital swallowed him whole AND he was in newborn clothes for a full month.  With ds 2 I only brought a newborn thing to the hospital and I BARELY wedged him in it to get him home and that was the first only and last time he was in newborn clothes, SO have premie, newborn and 3 months clothes ready because you have NO idea.  lol 

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Re: Light Hearted Advice for First Time Moms

  • @FinalyFound As a FTM who plans on breast feeding, I appreciate your advice. Two of my close friends gave up on breast feeding almost immediately because they weren't prepared for it to be so hard at first. It's good to know that that is to be expected and it gets better with time and practice. :)
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  • Thank you so much for the advice and for the thread in general. I love the "here's what I wish someone had told me..." Advice.
  • @shaunnarose I can't tell you how many times I cried in the beginning because either I was frustrated, baby was frustrated or we both were. You throw on exhaustion on top of that and you feel like a complete failure.
    You just have to take a deep breathe, calm everyone down snd try again. I found using a nipple shield was really helpful and is what really ended up working in the BF dept.

    Horror story for you- When DD was 2 days old and we were still in the hospital, the nurses are supposed to wake you in the middle of the night every 2 of so hours to nurse. Well they forgot to wake me. It had been 5 hours, so I tried nursing as soon as I woke up. DD absolutely refused. I tried for 7 hours straight. No lie. She would not do it. I had the lactation consultant in trying to help, nothing. I asked for a nipple shield and this one LC refused to give it to me claiming I didn't need it. So I asked for formula because this kid had to eat. Nope, they werent giving it to me. I had to prove to the LC that I could BF my DD before I was released (we were due to go home that day)  I was pissed. I sent DH out to get formula. DD finaly ate after 14 hours. 
    When we returned to the hospital to see the other LC who worked there and we told her our story 2 days later, she was in complete outrage. She couldn't believe the other LC wouldnt give me a nipple shield to try or that after 14 hours of my child not eating I was refused formula. The LC that gave me all these headaches ended up being reported and reprimanded, rightfully so. 
    The point of my story is that no matter what happens, sometimes you just need to do what you need to do. 
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  • This is a great thread thanks ladies for all of the wonderful advice!!
  • Did anyone deal with postpartum depression?  I heard it's a little overwhelming.....do you have any tips for getting through it?

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  • shaunnar053shaunnar053 member
    edited March 2015
    @FinalyFound OMGG that is horrible :-O . I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience! I'm glad the LC was reprimanded. That's ridiculous of her to put you through that, especially after you just gave birth [-( .

    I've heard of nipple shields before and wasn't sure if I should get them but I'm definitely going to get a few now! Thank you so much for the advice! :D I think after hearing your story I'll be able to say "It could be worse! Don't give up." And also, if something similar happens to me I'll remember that you have to do what you have to do sometimes. :)
  • Great post!
    Any advice for a FTM expecting twins??
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  • plumpous said:

    And my other piece of advice is to try to savor every sweet moment you can - because you don't know when it will be the last- the last time you rock them to sleep, the last time they love to be held, the last time you breastfeed, the last time they fall asleep on you...


    Honey, you're making me cry....
    Glad I'm not the only one crying. This is so true though.
  • Did anyone deal with postpartum depression?  I heard it's a little overwhelming.....do you have any tips for getting through it?

    Seek help and don't be ashamed. Mental illness was seen as such a hush hush type of thing and something to be ashamed of but it really isn't. We all know at least 1 person dealing with some type of depression whether it be Postpartum or another type not related to birth. You really can't take care of a new baby if your not taking care of yourself as well, so if you or you know someone who is dealing with postpartum depression get help. 
    My girlfriend went through it for about 2 weeks.  She warned me that I might cry a lot in the beginning.  But she is a FTM and couldn't really give more insight to why this was happening, she just said it will get better.  I hope it's not something I will have to deal with, but I won't have any shame asking for help if I do.  

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  • FinalyFoundFinalyFound member
    edited March 2015

    Did anyone deal with postpartum depression?  I heard it's a little overwhelming.....do you have any tips for getting through it?

    Seek help and don't be ashamed. Mental illness was seen as such a hush hush type of thing and something to be ashamed of but it really isn't. We all know at least 1 person dealing with some type of depression whether it be Postpartum or another type not related to birth. You really can't take care of a new baby if your not taking care of yourself as well, so if you or you know someone who is dealing with postpartum depression get help. 
    My girlfriend went through it for about 2 weeks.  She warned me that I might cry a lot in the beginning.  But she is a FTM and couldn't really give more insight to why this was happening, she just said it will get better.  I hope it's not something I will have to deal with, but I won't have any shame asking for help if I do.  



    Oh yea, the crying for the 2 weeks after giving birth is totally normal. I think almost everyone goes through that. It's your body going through a huge hormone change. But I think PP depression is a bit different, it often shows up a few months later.
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  • Sleep when baby sleeps!  I know it will be hard but you have to do it!  I was constantly trying to get things done around the house while the baby was alseep durning the day I was so overwhelmed.  Don't worry about laundry or cleaning there will always be times for that later (and DH should be helping out!), I was EXHAUSTED (I remeber being awake one night while feeding and I was actually unable to remeber what my DS name was) and now that I'm pregnant with #2 I know that's not going to be an option this time around with a toddler running around so get all the sleep you need and don't feel guilty about it!

  • ccook83 said:

    Sleep when baby sleeps!  I know it will be hard but you have to do it!  I was constantly trying to get things done around the house while the baby was alseep durning the day I was so overwhelmed.  Don't worry about laundry or cleaning there will always be times for that later (and DH should be helping out!), I was EXHAUSTED (I remeber being awake one night while feeding and I was actually unable to remeber what my DS name was) and now that I'm pregnant with #2 I know that's not going to be an option this time around with a toddler running around so get all the sleep you need and don't feel guilty about it!




    See I wish I could have done this but my LO slept in 20 minute periods. But agree, if you can catch some sleep, do it.
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  • Did anyone deal with postpartum depression?  I heard it's a little overwhelming.....do you have any tips for getting through it?

    Don't hesitate to ask for help! I put off acknowledging my depression for way, way too long and I spent a lot of time feeling awful. If you think you might be depressed or your loved ones are worried about, please see your doctor or midwife. Postpartum depression isn't your fault and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
  • Thank you ladies for this board! I can't tell you how much "advice" I get lately- (from a lot of men even haha). It's nice to get it from someone that doesn't have an angle other than to be helpful, and doesn't expect me to take all of the advice if I don't end up needing it. I get a lot of condescending advice too- like that just because I'm a FTM I'm young and naive and not an adult anymore. I also appreciate the realness and am really with @sschwege and @mrscaterosales. I am having a hard time feeling a bond with the baby and you always hear the old adage: "A Dad becomes a dad when he meets the baby, but a Mom becomes a mom when she falls pregnant". Sometimes I don't feel like a "mom" or even really pregnant. 

    Confession and concern: I'm really scared I will eventually resent the baby for it's neediness. It sounds terrible and makes me feel terrible to even think- but I know sometimes when I see a Mom of a toddler who is in that: "I'm going to hit you, throw a fit then expect you to comfort me" stage I get really defensive for the mom and can't imagine how she has patience and love. I'm so scared deep down I will feel taken advantage of and un-loved, especially since DH is great with kids and will probably be the "fun" one and I will get stuck being "mean mom".
  • @plumpous my friend who had triplets is with me and reading this in the car. Her advice to those carrying twins or more is to keep a schedule. Schedules are very important with mutiples. Second is to ALWAYS accept help if someone offers. Lol.
  • Confession and concern: I'm really scared I will eventually resent the baby for it's neediness. It sounds terrible and makes me feel terrible to even think- but I know sometimes when I see a Mom of a toddler who is in that: "I'm going to hit you, throw a fit then expect you to comfort me" stage I get really defensive for the mom and can't imagine how she has patience and love. I'm so scared deep down I will feel taken advantage of and un-loved, especially since DH is great with kids and will probably be the "fun" one and I will get stuck being "mean mom".

    I think this is a natural feeling. I constantly wondered "am I going to be good enough, how am I going to do this." Even now I have moments when my toddler is misbehaving and I think "how the heck am I going to do this all over again?!" But at the end of the day when your toddler gives you a hug and kiss and says I love you, you melt and forget about the bad things.
    And as far as feeling connected... You may not feel it for a while. I didn't feel connected to this baby until I started feeling him/her moving...it just made it more real for me and maybe it will be that way or you too! You'll do great momma :)
  • Confession and concern: I'm really scared I will eventually resent the baby for it's neediness. It sounds terrible and makes me feel terrible to even think- but I know sometimes when I see a Mom of a toddler who is in that: "I'm going to hit you, throw a fit then expect you to comfort me" stage I get really defensive for the mom and can't imagine how she has patience and love. I'm so scared deep down I will feel taken advantage of and un-loved, especially since DH is great with kids and will probably be the "fun" one and I will get stuck being "mean mom".

    I think this is a natural feeling. I constantly wondered "am I going to be good enough, how am I going to do this." Even now I have moments when my toddler is misbehaving and I think "how the heck am I going to do this all over again?!" But at the end of the day when your toddler gives you a hug and kiss and says I love you, you melt and forget about the bad things.
    And as far as feeling connected... You may not feel it for a while. I didn't feel connected to this baby until I started feeling him/her moving...it just made it more real for me and maybe it will be that way or you too! You'll do great momma :)
    Thank you for this! 
  • abs99 said:

    My advice to FTm don't try and do it all- do the best you can and make sure to take care of yourself. You need sleep, you need food and you really need to shower. Don't be scared to get the help/support you need to accomplish those things. And don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other parents... Just be your best!

    THIS!! I wish someone would have told me not to be so hard on myself or feel like I had to have everything done by myself!!
    Also, all family members want to tell you what to do or how they did it. But you'll figure out what works best for you and baby. They may not understand some of the things you do, too bad. You're the mom you have the say
  • I seriously love you @jessababyphoto and wish you could be my coach through labor and beyond haha!! I'm sure I'll be reading your post over and over again to prep myself for this experience. Thank you!!!
  • @mrscaterosales bahaha glad you liked it! >:D<
    Expecting baby #3 Due 9/15/2015
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