I know we all get sick of the advice, but if you have anything nice or just something no one thinks to tell you, care to share with the first time moms.
For me it was you never know how big your baby will be, so be prepared with the clothes. With ds 1 everyone was like oh they are in newborn clothes for no time, don't buy too much. Well his newborn outfit we took to the hospital swallowed him whole AND he was in newborn clothes for a full month. With ds 2 I only brought a newborn thing to the hospital and I BARELY wedged him in it to get him home and that was the first only and last time he was in newborn clothes, SO have premie, newborn and 3 months clothes ready because you have NO idea. lol
Re: Light Hearted Advice for First Time Moms
TTC #1** Went off BCP July 2011
Me: 31 DH:31
Jan 2012 Dx PCOS by OB/Gyn
July 2012 - Tests with RE confirmed PCOS and annovulation
One thing I didn't know before was how exhausting it is in the beginning, baby eats like every 3 hours, that doesn't count for the time you are actually feeding or preparing, so you only get about 2 hour segments of sleep for at least the first month. This made the first month a total blur for me. Buuuuttt it gets better, so hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help!!
I've heard of nipple shields before and wasn't sure if I should get them but I'm definitely going to get a few now! Thank you so much for the advice!
Any advice for a FTM expecting twins??
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Pads
Witch hazel pads
Hemmoroid cream
Hand sanatizer (for guests)
Super thin inexpensive toilet paper (you will be sore so you will only be dabbing not wiping for awhile until you heal)
Nipple cream
Had my friend not said anything I wouldn't have known to stock up on those things but I'm so glad I was prepared.
My best advice for FTM's is try try try to keep your judgements in check. Understand every baby is different and that there is more than one way to raise a child. Appreciate another perspective but do what you think is best for you and your child. It is so easy to get wrapped up into comparing babies and parenting decisions, and feeling defensive if someone is doing something different that you. It means nothing.
And my other piece of advice is to try to savor every sweet moment you can - because you don't know when it will be the last- the last time you rock them to sleep, the last time they love to be held, the last time you breastfeed, the last time they fall asleep on you...if I learned anything from having 2 already is that the time passes so quickly and you'll someday wish you had those moments back, even if it means being sleepless and exhausted!
TTC #1** Went off BCP July 2011
Me: 31 DH:31
Jan 2012 Dx PCOS by OB/Gyn
July 2012 - Tests with RE confirmed PCOS and annovulation
Oh yea, the crying for the 2 weeks after giving birth is totally normal. I think almost everyone goes through that. It's your body going through a huge hormone change. But I think PP depression is a bit different, it often shows up a few months later.
It wasn't until I saw the HV & with no warning I just spilled the beans on how I was feeling. I was relieved to say the least. The HV was lovely & understood & never judged at all. She booked me a doctors appointment & that was when reality set in that it's ok to have an illness & it's ok to talk about it.
So my advice to FTM's if you feel the you may have ppd or pnd please do talk to someone it really does help. Don't bottle it up it really doesn't help & I'm saying this from experience.
Sleep when baby sleeps! I know it will be hard but you have to do it! I was constantly trying to get things done around the house while the baby was alseep durning the day I was so overwhelmed. Don't worry about laundry or cleaning there will always be times for that later (and DH should be helping out!), I was EXHAUSTED (I remeber being awake one night while feeding and I was actually unable to remeber what my DS name was) and now that I'm pregnant with #2 I know that's not going to be an option this time around with a toddler running around so get all the sleep you need and don't feel guilty about it!
See I wish I could have done this but my LO slept in 20 minute periods. But agree, if you can catch some sleep, do it.
come! It seems like everyone says that will happen and when I had DD I
felt horrible that I didn't have that. She was about 1/2 a day old and
I remember looking at her in MIL's arms and thinking, "Motherhood is so
hard, how am I going to do this when I don't even love my own child?"
That night it was quiet, DH was sleeping and I was looking at her sweet
little face and all of a sudden she looked so familiar to me, as if I
had known her my whole life and it was at that moment that I fell
instantly and completely in love with her. I still remember exactly how
she looked. With DS I was prepared to not feel that instant love, so I
didn't feel bad about that. But what I wasn't prepared for was how I
would feel when I came home to DD. I felt a stronger connection to DD
than I did to DS and it made me feel like a horrible mom, like I loved
one kid better than the other. Looking back I know it wasn't that, DD
and I had been together for 2 1/4 years, she could smile, laugh, snuggle
with me and then there was DS who I just met and newborns just demand
so much. But I remember so vividly two moments where I fell instantly
in love with DS and after those two moments I couldn't imagine life
without him and couldn't imagine loving one more than the other. I couldn't pick a favorite even if I wanted to.
So, how you feel is how you feel. Don't feel bad because you don't feel the way you think you 'should'.
It won't make any sense until you're in the delivery room. I just wish the doctor had told me that prior to pushing for an hour and a half. Once I started focusing on engaging my abs I hadn't used in 9 months and not using my face to push I made much better progress.
That's my two cents.
And as far as feeling connected... You may not feel it for a while. I didn't feel connected to this baby until I started feeling him/her moving...it just made it more real for me and maybe it will be that way or you too! You'll do great momma
Also, all family members want to tell you what to do or how they did it. But you'll figure out what works best for you and baby. They may not understand some of the things you do, too bad. You're the mom you have the say
Your boobs will leak, your nipples may crack and you will be sore. Totally normal. Get the essentials including those gel freeze pads.
You become an expert on your own child.
Feeling like a failure is OK and normal. You are doing a great job. We all have our days.
The dishes can wait.
Ask for help and take advantage of it. You aren't the center of attention anymore lol sorry to say it but it's true, once the baby comes out people tend to be more focused on the baby. You're lucky if people ask how YOU feel. Ha!
You will wear maternity jeans after you have the baby and it's ok! It took 10 months to make a baby it will take just as long if not more to lose the weight.
Plan ahead and cook meals before you have the baby. Nobody wants to cook after you get home birthing a child.
Plan ahead before you leave the house. I keep extra newborn clothes up to 3 months or whatever month were in, and diapers and wipes because lord knows your brain may not be as sharp and you will eventually forget or clothes may get ruined! It's nice to have a back up for you and baby as a just in case.
Yoga pannnnntssssss
Spanxxxxxxxxx feels so good after birth to hold it all in
That's all I can think of for now.
Okay my advice: don't compare yourself or your baby to other new moms and their babies. Some women are really good at making it seem like they've got it all together. They don't. They've got messy closets and takeout on speed dial or whatever else. Everyone has something.
And babies? They're not all going to do the same things and hit milestones at the same times. Revel in your baby's great feats and cheer on other babies' great feats, even if they're all different.
It's not a race. It's not a race on how fast you push baby out. Nor how soon after baby you make a homemade dinner. Don't rush just to say you did it. Do it if you feel good. And if you don't? Accept help or order Chinese. You need to REST and it's okay to slow down.
Don't take opinions too seriously. Whether it's breast vs bottle, to circumcise or not, to vaccinate or not, to fly on an airplane the day after you give birth - you're the boss. Everyone has an opinion (including me ha!) but that doesn't mean you have to let it make you doubt yourself.
Which leads me to... trust yourself. You may not feel like you know what the hell you're doing. Or you may not feel those gushy, mushy, lovey feelings for your very demanding, always-crying, never-letting-you-sleep newborn. But the MOMENT someone tries to do or say something about YOUR baby... you'll know if it feels right or wrong. Mama bear will rear her head and protect her baby. There will be no doubt of your love and fierce protectiveness, even if you previously didn't "feel" it. Love isnt a feeling but it sure is a passion.
You rarely have to make a decision right this second! When I started questioning vaccines with my third I just said, "I don't want to do anything this time. I'm going to think about it." If you are feeling doubtful, whatever it is, and it isn't emergent... then wait. I'm not just talking vaccines (that was only an example of my own personal struggle). Don't let someone pressure you into something. Just tell them you need to consider it first and that you'll get back to them on it.
FINALLY (I'm always long-winded, I know). Savor those fleeting midnight moments. It sucks to be woken all night. I became super bitter about it with my firstborn (a previous commenter mentioned being afraid of resenting a demanding baby; it does happen). But as our family kept growing my patience grew with it. I realized that it really is just a season and no, it won't last forever, so why be miserable? So I chose joy. Especially with my last baby. He'd wake me up and I would be at such peace. I'd feed him, change him and then just soak him in before going back to sleep. I really feel that those nights I were calm were the nights he barely woke and stayed calm as well.
I loved reading all these. Great reminders to us Mommas who've BTDT a couple times or more, too.