September 2015 Moms

I have a problem

My problem is people saying that as a working mom I'm letting someone else raise my kids. 

I'm not.  They're in care/they're in school, but rest assured I'm raising my children.  Trust me if there was a problem I'd be the person sought, not the day care teacher. 

I'm not writing this to start a debate or fight with SAHMs.  I think SAHMs are great.  I love them and respect what they do.  My mom was one, but for my husband and our marriage and children it is our choice to have a 2 parent working home. As such, be careful when posting about choices to work or SAH.  Neither side needs to be taken, just each opinion respected.  We are ALL doing our best for our families as we see fit. 

 

Re: I have a problem

  • Applause. We'll said.
    image
    image
  • I thankfully havent had anyone say that to me. I have many people in my work that gave birth and came back so I'm assuming they support my decision. In my case its not a decision at all. I would love to stay home and spend the most time I can with them but financially my husband and I cannot afford for me to stay home for longer than 8 weeks. I hope when you speak to them after they say that to you they feel bad for saying that. Sometimes its not worth it to bring up your opinion- especially when there is no clear right or wrong about it. Hoping things go better!
  • Loading the player...
  • Just ignore the silly stuff people say.  Trust me, you will hear it no matter what you do.  I'm a SAHM and my MIL loves to imply that I'm a loser and don't contribute to society.  But if I were to work outside the home, she'd probably be like, "oh those poor kids, they're being raised by someone else!"  Unhappy people try to make others unhappy, so don't let them win.
    Laura, mom of:
    James (14)
    William (13)
    Elise (11)
    Zachary (5)
    George (3)

    www.letterstoauntkay.com [making the blog private.  PM me if you want to subscribe]
  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX member
    edited March 2015

    bpv101283 - I'm SO with you!

     

    I had 2 C-sections.  1 urgent, 1 scheduled.  I didn't get to hold older dd til she was 5 hours old.  Because she needed the care.  Not because I didn't want to... well actually I needed the care too.  But I got to hold 2nd dd within minutes.  I'm bonded with both my girls.  I breastfed as  long as I could but not as long as others, but you know I did the best I could for both.

    I've had 2 friends whose babies didn't latch because of tongue ties and they wore themselves out pumping and feeding and it got in the way of their enjoying being a new mom.  We need to do what is right for us as moms because when we do that baby will be happy too.  They pick up on stress and being a new mom, whether first or third time, it's still a time of hormones, stress, worry and love.

    My SIL is the biggest offender with her comments.  Before she had her baby she was going on that in African culture (keep in mind she's as white as me!) it's not regarded as childbirth unless you do it drug free and vaginally.  All I said was - I didn't know how I was a mother of 2 in that case.  It just blows from there :(

  • I have to agree with mill1020. I got the comments and negativity about staying home and not going back to work. You will always have some people who will make a big deal out of it no matter what you choose. I know I posted this somewhere else but I personally have friends who stay home and friends who go to work and love it that way. I don't think either decision is wrong. I love staying home and couldn't imagine going back to work, but for another momma going back to work is something they love to do and that's ok. What works for one won't work for another. Do what's best for you and ignore the negativity.
  • I was able to stay home with my son for nearly ten months - and have been back to work full-time for four. I'd rather be home (though being a SAHM is not without it's share of crazy), life doesn't always work out that way.

    My in-laws have him three days a week, daycare two days.
    To be perfectly honest - I get jealous of my in-laws. DS loves them, they get to go to the museum, play outside and basically get him for his best hours of the day. During the week we scramble around to get ready in the morning, pick him up after work, make dinner and wind down at night. I live for nighttime snuggles and we are super greedy with our time on the weekends.

    No idea what my point is here, but end of the day I'm really grateful that he's developing a wonderful relationship with his grandparents (I didn't have that) and they really do stick to our "rules" which allows me to still feel like we're in control of how he's being raised when we're not physically there.
  • I get so sick of people saying "this is how you raise your child". It's not right. There are so many things I plan on doing differently from what my mom did and there are things I plan on doing differently from how my sister is doing things and etc etc with all of the other moms in my life.

    The way I see it, with most things related to childrearing, there isn't a right or wrong answer as long as it's what's best for your family.

    My mom and dad both worked when my siblings and I were young. My parents are the ones who raised us. There is no question about that. And I loved the time my brother, sister and I had to bond in the couple hours they were babysitting me before our parents got home. Personally, I plan on staying home and I take a lot of shit for that choice too. People just want something to bitch about.
  • joco said:

    My problem is people saying that as a working mom I'm letting someone else raise my kids. 

    I'm not.  They're in care/they're in school, but rest assured I'm raising my children.  Trust me if there was a problem I'd be the person sought, not the day care teacher. 

    I'm not writing this to start a debate or fight with SAHMs.  I think SAHMs are great.  I love them and respect what they do.  My mom was one, but for my husband and our marriage and children it is our choice to have a 2 parent working home. As such, be careful when posting about choices to work or SAH.  Neither side needs to be taken, just each opinion respected.  We are ALL doing our best for our families as we see fit. 

     

    I personally think it's ridiculous that people feel the need to judge you for doing what you feel is right for you and your family, I'm a stay at home mum, while I love it, I completely understand working mums, and to be honest I also admire them!, I think if we have a choice then why not make the right one for us/our family?, i don't think us mums can win either way, there will always be someone who doesn't understand the desisions we make, but that's fine because it's not their life, and what works for some doesn't for others, it's a shame more people can't respect that, I'm sure what ever you do you do a great job, keep your chin up hun :)
  • No one has ever said this to me, but if they did, I'd say "40 hours a week yes my child is with another relative or at daycare learning social skills. But the other 125+ hours a week, my child is learning from me. I got this under control, thanks for the concern"
    ...something like that usually works :-)
  • There are always people who will judge. My situation is different my husband stays home with our daughter through the week (and will new baby as well) and works 12 hour shifts on the weekends. We really never have a full day off together but it's a sacrifice we choose to make right now because it's what works for us. People have made their comments about it but I shrug it off. You do what works for your family.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"