Drinking SO/DH

snikai

My DH went out all night drinking with friends. I didn't because obviously I'm pregnant and tired. I've heard a lot of different opinions about this topic, but wondered what you ladies think!! Is it OK for your SO/DH to go out partying while you're home pregnant???

tattoosnpearls30

Umm.. I say no but I allow it sometimes.
My thing is that both of us made this baby so why would I be the only one enduring the difficult parts??!! But I'm a bit of a tough ass, I think lol

cjstats87

I wasn't as happy when I was pregnant with my first but after she arrived and after our son I was grateful for those nights...it gives you the opportunity to enjoy girls nights too and you don't feel as guilty for leaving!! Lol! Enjoy your free time and the aloneness to do something for you...like paint your nails or order in your favorite food or (my fav) watch a sappy love story you've seen a million times! Lol!

MrsPyrowiz

My husband doesn't go out drinking because we can't spend money on that right now but when he gets invited to a guys night, I let him go because he'd do the same for me if it were a girls night or all of the times my friends want to go shopping. I want him to have as much guy time as he can with his friends now because he's gonna be stuck home with me after the baby is born.

blondehairblueeyeditalianbaby

My DH rarely goes out drinking with friends. Most of the time our friends come to our house and hangout around the fire pit. Occasionally (maybe twice a year) DH goes out or to a friends to drink. I don't really mind. It allows me to go to bed early or watch a show he doesn't like while he's gone. It might bother me if it happened more often.

snikai

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

bpv101283

I love when DH goes out because I can totally have a me night and do anything I want.

nikkidavis421

I have no problem with my husband going out with the guys if he wants to. It doesn't happen very often and usually when I want to get together with my girlfriends, he let's me. Plus we enjoy going out together with our friends, pregnant or not. I think it's different for everyone but that's what works for us.

A minimum of twice a week and not coming home some nights is a little extreme. I'd be pissed, too, if that was the case!

Jenten810

With DS, DH didn't drink in solidarity until much later in the pregnancy. This time around we seem to have a lot more social activities going on so he may have a drink or two, but nothing crazy.

I agree with PP, if it's extreme cases like they mentioned, that would be unacceptable in our house. And it would go both ways if I wasn't pregnant.

adtaylor2015

My husband has never went out drinking/to the bars without me. Not because I don't "let" him, it's because he has no desire to. We aren't bar people, never have been. I don't tell my husband he can't go somewhere but honestly he knows better than to stay out all night getting drunk. I think it's like an unspoken agreement between us. When you get married and have kids, there's some behavior you just leave behind in your single life. JMO.
I'm not talking about going out and having a beer with the guys, I'm specifically talking about staying out all night getting hammered.

Edited to add: And the not coming home part- definitely not ok. Huge red flag.

GeorgiaDottie

I still go to girls nights so I don't see anything wrong with a guys night! But my husband is 32 so I would hope he wouldn't get blacked out.

npierce19

snikai said:

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

wow, I am so sorry for you haVing to deal with that kind of BS. I would call that extreme regardless of your situation and not ok. I would not have continued dating a man who had this lifestyle, but that's just me. I have never been a drinker, so this would be a red flag for me. I would see it as he either has a drinking problem, is super immature, extremely self centered our all three. Makes me grateful we are older and DH is no longer concerned with partying. All of friends have families too.

off2thefunnyfarm

snikai said:

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

I'm sorry honey, your husband is immature.  My husband hasn't done this ... ever since I met him.  That's something a 25 year old does.  Going out with the guys once in awhile is fine.  Mine does, he still needs alone time/guy time just like always.  

For you, I don't know how I would feel about being married to a guy that wanted to close down the bars twice a week. Doesn't he work?  But if he doesn't come home drunk and acting like a dick and can still go to work the next day,and he isn't spending outside of your means (while you save for a baby), well, then I might be ok with it.

WDDCH

That really isn't our lifestyle. But my husband does go out to hang with the guys. There's no women there, though. They usually just make (or buy) food, play cards, play music (he's in a band) or watch movies.

I'm not personally comfortable with the bar/party scene or my husband mingling with girls who are acting the way they act when drinking. That seems more like a singles thing to do? Again not our lifestyle so maybe more married people do it than I realize. I think that if you're okay with it then there's nothing to worry about. But if it does bother you then you need to talk about it to him.

nofrogs

Drinking has been a major point of contention for us. He drank so much that he threw up, while I was sick with morning sickness, and I told him that wouldn't fly. I can't stand the smell of alcohol while pregnant, either. He drank a lot after DD's birth, and threatened to leave me for trying to stop his drunk driving. He keeps resenting me for "trying to change him." I'm not trying to change him, I just don't want his ass arrested. Its horrible. I think he is getting more reasonable, but his friends really encourage his drinking.  I don't mind if he goes out with friends, so long as he is responsible and doesn't come home stinky.  I also told him no drunk sex. It just grosses me out. He is like a sloppy animal that I have no desire to have sex with.

I kind of feel like guys should can it on the all night drinking once the wife is pregnant. Once you become parents, your lifestyle is supposed to be more responsible and parent-like.

v1wwo

He slowed down A LOT. We liked to go out and hang with friends and we both love beer. So now that I can't we don't go out much and he does not like to leave me alone in the house. And if we are out be he will not order unless I make him lol.
We also do game nights with friends (poker, catan, MtG, etc) but no more drinking for us.
With all that, he lost around 7lbs soooooo he is looking good now

lillyzzay

I think it really depends on your situation, and you should try your best to communicate your feelings. If you don't like being left alone, tell him that... Or come up with a system that works for both of you (please check in with me...)

I've been trying to come up with some activities that we can both enjoy (let's have friends over for dinner, play cards, but low key)... or bowling, or movies (if I'm really feeling motivated). It's a tricky balance!!! Best of luck

PS- I miss beer. 

cjstats87

That wouldn't happen maybe 1-2 times a month go out and drink have guy time!

seg6394

I'm sorry girl that's a tough situation. In my opinion that's definitely extreme and not cool, but that's just me. I mean if he's going out that often until the bars close and not coming home, getting high school wasted, I would definitely have a talk with him. Of course it's normal for a man to want to drink a beer and hang out with his guy friends maybe, but that sounds 100% like the definition of taking it to the extreme. I would absolutely say something, maybe he's not sure how much it's affecting you? Good luck, thinking about you!

mrscate88

My husband is not a big party guy, but he goes out drinking with the guys sometimes. The way I see it, he needs his stress relief and that's what he likes. If he gives me attitude about my mani/pedi, massages, and hair trips in the third trimester, I will be reminding him of all the stress relief he got during the first two trimesters haha!! Kidding, but seriously, doesn't bother me at all. If it does bother you, I think he should consider your feelings and limit his drinking nights for your sake, but we both have to compromise on some things. Maybe that is one thing most of us ladies can cut him some slack on, unless there are legitimate reasons that he should not be out drinking.

lillaura4unme

I think twice a week is way too often. I'd encourage my bf to go out with guys for a beer occasionally (just like before I was pregnant) but honestly he's not interested in that lifestyle anymore. Because I've been so sick with 24/7 MS, he'd rather stay home and take care of me. If we go to a work party or social function I'll make sure he gets a beer or two. He does so much around the house now that it only seems fair. But if that wasn't the case and he didn't come home. (Apparently he did the all nighters before we started dating) I would tell him straight up to get his shit together. You're already a mommy caring for baby and he needs to help you by being there.

Nutmegger2

snikai said:

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

Not unless he wants to find drafts of divorce papers on the kitchen table...

I'm not the type that keeps a tight rein on hubby AT ALL. He goes out to work events, out for beers with friends, even close female friedns that I know and are also married. But I don't think he has EVER come home later than midnight. ESPECIALLY when I'm pregnant.

mariessa02

I'm in agreement with the majority here. My DH does not party or go to bars anymore, but he does go out for an occasional guys night once or twice a month, they usually hang at someone's house playing cards and eating take out or go to the shooting range, and I am completely ok with it. He needs time with the guys just like I enjoy hanging out with my girlfriends or pampering myself on occasion. If he were going out every week or more than that it would not be ok, but our relationship has never been like that. If you used to go out with him and stay out late together, I can see how it may be a difficult habit for him to break. I would sit down with him and talk to him about the changes your relationship is going through now that you are expecting a LO. You are starting a family & family has to come first. If it bothers you and you let him know, hopefully he is understanding about it. Maybe he can cut it back to once a week while you're pregnant and maybe once or twice a month when you have the baby. Having kids changes things, hopefully he's ready to make the changes with you Good luck.

lopezroke

I think no. Times are changing and never ever will your life ever be the same. Hes gonna be a dad. A couple drinks every blue moon not a big deal but getting hammered or out super duper late? That doesnt fly in my book. But whatever you feel comftorble with. Every relationship is different and works differently. Good luck with your husband and follow your heart

baker1jm2

Def NOT twice a week. My hubby has gone to a couple poker nights since I've been pregnant but we haven't really done the bar since college. he's been really awesome about staying home and lying low with me since i hadn't been feeling well.

maryanne007

Why would he not come home??? Extreme red flag and not ok

beansideirae

twice a week and all night would make me pretty angry. my hubby has weekly guy nights, but they're at a friend's house and the focus is more on games and food with just a few drinks; and he's home by 1:00am. (and then they come over here on Sundays, but that includes the girls and I just don't drink.) even at that, if they wanted to be out every night, even at someone's house, I would have a problem with it. yeah they need their boy time but they need to respect our needs too. especially right now when we're extra hormonal

ccook83

I'm with everyone else on this one, an all night bender twice a week would not be flying at my house and I would say is for sure not normal.  You need to nip it on the butt now, my sister was having the same issue with her DH after she got pregnant with their son and she just kept telling herself well it'll change once the baby comes he just needs to get it out of his system but guess what it did not.  Now their son is 2.5 and he has a totally absent daddy and they have major problems.  My sister finally in a last ditch attempt quit her job and moved her and their son back to our hometown away from the city and basically said you choose the city and partying or your wife and son it has yet to be see if he will join them here.  I know it sounds extreme but if you don't talk about it now it won't get any better.

 

You need to sit down with him and talk about why it's not appropriate, make it clear that you are not trying to take away his guy time and that you think it's important for you both to get time for yourselves but in moderation that is life is changing and he needs to be prepared to adjust. 

excited2bmommy09

snikai said:

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

That is a bit excessive and irresponsible. I'm a huge believer in guy night and having the freedom to blow off steam and have fun, but twice a week or more sounds like a problem ESPECIALLY if he isn't coming home at all! However, if this is something he has always done and you feel differently now because you are pregnant, you can't be upset with him until you express that it bothers you now that things are changing. Definitely is something to talk about if it's becoming an issue between you no matter what any of us say or think

snikai

Thank you ladies!! I really love the support on this board!! DH and I have always been social people, but I've never been OK with him going out all night long without being able to reach him. This was the second time he's done this. He also went from a couple beers with friends once a week to hard liquor twice a week, so although I've been OK with being social people, he seems to be getting worse in my opinion. I did talk to him and let him know how i feel and that I would leave him if it didn't get better. He claims to understand, so we'll see how it goes!!

jennasighed

snikai said:

So if he wants to go out a minimum of twice a week until the bars close and sometimes stays out even later and doesn't return until the next day....is that OK? I'm thinking that's extreme and not OK

That's insane. I'm sorry you're dealing with that! Definitely unacceptable.