Delivery Room

mberens22

My boyfriend has told me he doesn't want to be in the delivery room when I have the baby. I would like him to be there with me so we can experience this together any thoughts on how to change his mind?

Lalala2326

Have you asked him why? Is he just grossed out, feels disconnected, doesn't feel comfortable with your mom that you also want there, does he faint at the sight of blood, etc...? There could be a million reasons, so that would be where I would start...

CaliforniaDream87

I agree with PP. First figure out why. There could be a plethora of reasons as to why he is saying he doesn't want to be in there.

cosplaymom

Yeah, find out the reason, and get him educated on the whole process. A good compromise would be to have him stay with you during labor but step outside when it is time to push. Then come back in when the afterbirth is taken care of. Assuming you don't have a c secrion.

Miz_Liz

I agree with all of the PP's...you can't work on changing his mind if you don't know the "why" behind his comment. If it is because he is squeemish, I think @cosplaymom offers a great solution. Afterall, there is a good chance you will be in there for hours before you even begin pushing, and during that time there really isn't anything "gross" going on, and if they are going to do anything, they tell you in advance, so he could choose to step out.

jessandandy09

with my last baby (DH's first) He was very unsure about being in the delivery room.  I am kind of bossy so I told him he didn't have a choice ;-)  He then said okay but that he was not going to watch the baby come out or cut the umbilical cord.  I just worked on reassuring him that he was helping me and that being part of the babies birth was going to be a lot easier on him than me and would be important to him the rest of his life.  He ended up deciding to look at the baby being born, and cutting the cord.  He ended up being stronger than he thought the was, but the fear/concern in his eyes for me was very visible.  It was kind of crazy reassuring my DH when I was laboring.

Now, not knowing why your BF doesn't want to be there makes it hard to offer you any specific advice, but I do wish you luck

bpwife&mama

He will regret missing it in the long run!!!

tarheelgirl8

I agree with everyone else that you really need to find out why first.  If he's uncomfortable with blood, you could talk to your doctor about what to expect during labor and how they might be able to manage his anxiety.  For example, not asking him to cut the cord, strategically placing him so he does not see much that actually going on, etc.  

If your doctor or hospital offers any classes about labor, you could just talk him into attending those with you--no strings attached.  It may be that once he finds out more about what is going to happen, and what it will be like then he will feel more prepared and more comfortable attending.  

Also, maybe you could talk a close family member or friend who's a dad talk about their experience in the labor room and how magical it was being there to see and hear their child for the first time.  (You may want to pre-screen to make sure it's not a horror story!) 

If none of that works, you may just want to be honest with him--you're the one doing the work and going through the pain.  His job is to support you through that process.  If you want him there, then he needs to respect that.  

WDDCH

It could simply be the fear of the unknown. I wanted my husband to catch our babies. He said no, no, no. Well when having our fourth the midwife didn't know how freaked out he was about this and she gently took his hands and helped him catch his son. My husband said that was, hands-down, THE most amazing and memorable thing he's ever experienced. His fear was that he'd drop the baby if he tried. He didn't drop our baby. And if she hadn't encouraged him to do it he'd have never done it.

Another thought that I had was that perhaps he doesn't want to see you in such a vulnerable position. Men talk a tough game but inside they have so much fear. Fear something will happen to you or to baby. It's not always rational. We'd like to think they'd want to be there if something were to go wrong but some people are the opposite.

You'd have to talk to him about it to find out what is bugging him. Don't threaten him. I don't know about you but when people threaten ME I push them back even harder. Encourage him. Take a class or two together. Watch birth videos where men are right there by their woman's side (I watch on YouTube). Normalizing it is a major step toward overcoming fear.

lafsalot

Find our why, you may need to take a step back and make sure there isn't something going on with him, guys get weird about babies and about people they care about being in pain or the thought of blood. Has he been with you to the doctor? Does he know that most hospitals have the rooms set up so if he just wants to be by your head he doesn't have to see anything? They have chairs right there do if he is faint he can sit down or even sit in the corner. My DH was really unsure about how he would respond, he can clean a dead animal but was freaked out before the birth, he stayed up by my side during the birth and when it came time, he was on autopilot and cut the cord, even though he originally didn't think he could do it. It surprised him how tough the cord was to cut through! He would change it though, may r he with catch this time, LOL, I doubt it... But anything could happen.

cosplaymom

I gotta tell you my hubby is squeamish. He won't watch operation/ER shows and he won't go first in Haunted Houses. But he watched our daughter being born. He didn't want to cut the cord though, haha!