I feel like my husband is going backwards..

bumpuser10785707

16 weeks here & my husband is currently unemployed & is not trying to find work. I know we have a few months before baby is here but it is freaking me out that he won't step up! & I can't get him to stop smoking weed. If he's not smoking he is begging to smoke. He has not gone a week sober! I keep telling him that it's time to grow up but he just doesn't care! Did I make a mistake?

Miz_Liz

I'm sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you need to have a serious sit down with him. Is he freaking out about becoming a dad or was he acting this way prior to the pregnancy? Maybe suggest substance abuse counseling? Does he have a reason for not wanting to find a job or quit smoking?

bumpuser10785707

I have tried serious sit downs he just doesn't want to hear it & he thinks there is nothing wrong with smoking weed. He doesn't have any specific reason for not getting job other than his family works hurricanes & all they do is wait for a storm to blow in. But we are broke now!

bumpuser10785707

I have suggested some kind of rehabilitation but he as he doesn't need it. Even though I k iw he does, I have even said if he does that then I will take anger management classes because we fight so bad over his wanting to be 19 again behavior. He needs to grow up. There is a baby on the way... I don't understand.

Miz_Liz

Maybe tackle two birds with one stone and tell him if he can't get a job, he needs to quit smoking weed because he can't afford to buy it and pay for the bills, save for baby, etc....

CaliforniaDream87

bumpuser10785707 said:

I have suggested some kind of rehabilitation but he as he doesn't need it. Even though I k iw he does, I have even said if he does that then I will take anger management classes because we fight so bad over his wanting to be 19 again behavior. He needs to grow up. There is a baby on the way... I don't understand.

Then you tell him this. His addiction will make it even harder to find a job. It's definitely time for a "come to Jesus" talk. It is unacceptable for my H to not be employed OR looking aggressively for work.

bashfulbird

Thoughts and prayers for you and your baby. You cant change him, you have to do what is right for you and little one. From what you have described he will continue to be an albatross and sponge all of your energy. You will need to be in a healthy place mentally and physically for your child, if he can not provide a basic support system for you, you need to leave him.

mamaz3

I am sorry you are going through this. My feeling is babies are not a mistake, they are a miracle and that is something you will have even if you are broke and/or a single parent. (been there on both counts) No real advice other than do what is best for you and baby, it is your responsibility to make sure you both are happy and healthy. Take care.

xchellerodriguez

I don't see anything wrong with him smoking weed (I personally don't do it), but he can't be both jobless and smoking, it's just leeching your money. Remind him that you're going to need him to be making money while you're on maternity leave, so he needs to get his issues sorted well before that happens, in case you go into labor prematurely. If he still refuses to at least try for a job, leave him until he does. Tell him to come back when he's got his life figured out, because you can't keep waiting for him to step up.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but I'm really hoping he can sort out his issues soon, without putting you through any more undue stress Good luck!

catalinadlong

If he is stressing you out then he is stressing the baby out... Maybe if you left for a bit he would get the clue that you are serious!!! There's a baby on the way and that's the number one priority here, not him.

johannaspisak

Another way to maybe phrase it to him..."you're already going to be raising one child, and aren't looking to raise two". It sounds very much like a combination of self medication (weed smoking at that level) and a bit of a Peter Pan complex. My 8 yr olds dad is an alcoholic, and chronically unemployed. It took me going into therapy when the baby was two, and a psychologist phrasing it to me as "you will never change him. All you can change is your reaction to him". Pretty much asking me how much I'd tolerate before I decided to no-longer be a participant or causality if his bull shit. The relationship ended about two weeks later. When I look back and realize how much
time and effort I wasted on this person, I'm astonished with myself. Talk about wasted years.

Long and short of it: save yourself and your baby. You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.

irohspupil

@bumpuser10785707 I know it has been a month since you posted this, but I'm hoping you found a solution and are doing much better!