Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
ALK2008
member
Options
Intro-first loss
ALK2008
member
Hello, a little about me: I'm 25 years old and have been married to a wonderful man for over 6 years now. I've been suffering for about 4 years with some sort of illness that only seemed to get worse. I've been going to doctors for years to try and figure out what's wrong with me and they can't seem to.
Well I was tired of my life going no where and feeling stuck until we got answers on what is wrong with me. I had to quit my career because the symptoms were so severe that I couldn't keep a decent schedule with real estate. I've always wanted children but didn't want to bring them into a time where I wasn't certain if I'd be able to truly care for them. My husband and I have never used birh control besides the pull out method which seemed to work for us for 7 years but after my last period on dec. 26th we decided to not try but not prevent. Basically let whatever happens happen. Him and I were tired of putting our lives on hold for an illness.
Well we actually ended up pregnant in January in our first month of not preventing. I was beyond excited and so was he and what seemed to make it that much better is that all my previous symptoms went away and turned into pregnancy ones. They were such a breeze compared to what I've dealt with before and I just felt like my old self again. It was glorious.
My entire pregnancy I cramped and had some brown spotting on and off. I went to the ER because I also had shoulder pain within the first few weeks of pregnancy and a nurse told me to get checked out. Everything was fine and the baby was growing like it should. I had my first ob appointment last week and we saw the heartbeat flutter on the screen which was exciting. Although she said I was measuring behind which concerned me but she said that can happen. Fast forward to today and I had more bleeding than I had seen throughout this pregnancy (it was red instead of the normal brown too) so I called the nurse line again and she spoke with a doctor who said I should come in.
My husband met me at the clinic and they performed another ultra sound but this time there was no heartbeat. I was utterly crushed and still am. This little miricale baby that saved me and showed me there is a light at the end of the tunnel has meant so much to me. I know that this happening was out of my control but it doesn't make it any easier. I loved that little baby and so did my husband. It's so hard to lose something that not only you wanted for so long but also saved you in the process of just living.
My little miricale is something I will never forget and I'm so sorry to the other women who go through this as well. No matter how far along you are it is just a terrible loss. I was only 8 or 9 weeks along but I loved every minute of having that baby.
If I can find anything positive out of this experience is that there is more than an illness in my future. That I'll be able to be a mother some day and I've got the best man I could ever ask for by my side. And who knows, maybe this baby fixed me for good. If not I'll be able to tell the doctors that hormones truly helped me feel better and to see if there is something they can do with that information.
This ended up being longer than I thought but it's helped to get my thoughts down in writing. I go for a d&c on Thursday morning. I think that day is going to be so much harder for me because it will truly be the end. I love you little miricale baby and I'll always be your mommy.
Lots of hugs to all the other women who are going through a loss or who have gone through them. We're all strong, beautiful women and we can get through this.
Well I was tired of my life going no where and feeling stuck until we got answers on what is wrong with me. I had to quit my career because the symptoms were so severe that I couldn't keep a decent schedule with real estate. I've always wanted children but didn't want to bring them into a time where I wasn't certain if I'd be able to truly care for them. My husband and I have never used birh control besides the pull out method which seemed to work for us for 7 years but after my last period on dec. 26th we decided to not try but not prevent. Basically let whatever happens happen. Him and I were tired of putting our lives on hold for an illness.
Well we actually ended up pregnant in January in our first month of not preventing. I was beyond excited and so was he and what seemed to make it that much better is that all my previous symptoms went away and turned into pregnancy ones. They were such a breeze compared to what I've dealt with before and I just felt like my old self again. It was glorious.
My entire pregnancy I cramped and had some brown spotting on and off. I went to the ER because I also had shoulder pain within the first few weeks of pregnancy and a nurse told me to get checked out. Everything was fine and the baby was growing like it should. I had my first ob appointment last week and we saw the heartbeat flutter on the screen which was exciting. Although she said I was measuring behind which concerned me but she said that can happen. Fast forward to today and I had more bleeding than I had seen throughout this pregnancy (it was red instead of the normal brown too) so I called the nurse line again and she spoke with a doctor who said I should come in.
My husband met me at the clinic and they performed another ultra sound but this time there was no heartbeat. I was utterly crushed and still am. This little miricale baby that saved me and showed me there is a light at the end of the tunnel has meant so much to me. I know that this happening was out of my control but it doesn't make it any easier. I loved that little baby and so did my husband. It's so hard to lose something that not only you wanted for so long but also saved you in the process of just living.
My little miricale is something I will never forget and I'm so sorry to the other women who go through this as well. No matter how far along you are it is just a terrible loss. I was only 8 or 9 weeks along but I loved every minute of having that baby.
If I can find anything positive out of this experience is that there is more than an illness in my future. That I'll be able to be a mother some day and I've got the best man I could ever ask for by my side. And who knows, maybe this baby fixed me for good. If not I'll be able to tell the doctors that hormones truly helped me feel better and to see if there is something they can do with that information.
This ended up being longer than I thought but it's helped to get my thoughts down in writing. I go for a d&c on Thursday morning. I think that day is going to be so much harder for me because it will truly be the end. I love you little miricale baby and I'll always be your mommy.
Lots of hugs to all the other women who are going through a loss or who have gone through them. We're all strong, beautiful women and we can get through this.
This discussion has been closed.