Help! Feel like a prisoner... — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Help! Feel like a prisoner...

Hello, I gave birth to my beautiful little boy 8 weeks ago. I love him more than anything in the world but lately I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and trapped. I'm not depressed, just very tired and out of ideas. Apparently, I didn't get the memo that you're suppose to put baby in the crib as soon as you bring him home. I was just so happy to have him home because we thought he'd have to stay in NICU a little longer (small congenital heart defect). Whether this would've made a difference, I don't know, but he won't sleep in a crib, bassinet, swing, rock n play, car seat, etc...only my arms. For that matter, I can't put him down at...ever... For more than 15 minutes without him crying. They say not to CIO but I've let him go a little bit just out of desperation. The sling works sometimes but my back is killing me. Every night we spend hours just getting him to stay asleep in his bassinet just to get 1.5-2 hours of sleep. When we are holding him we have to have him on our shoulder and walking around. We sit or try to cradle him and he cries. We're so worn out. I feel like my body, my mind has been sucked dry and I'm a walking zombie. I feel horrible too, like I'm a bad mom. This doesn't seem normal and I can't make my baby happy and I have a hard time knowing that eveytime I nap with him in my arms that I put him in harms way but I'm sooooooo exhausted. It doesn't make matter better that I worry about him constantly, thinking his ASD (a heart defect, which his is minor) is going to cause him problems. His pediatrician says to "just keep trying to put him down". He does have very minor reflux, but he sleeps fine (for hours) on his back in my arms and has no trouble eating... I've ranted.. I just feel helpless... Not hopeless... But helpless. I need something to give... Desperately.

Re: Help! Feel like a prisoner...

  • I'm just hoping that someone out there knows what I'm going through and can offer any advice.
  • First off, hugs, I've been there, I know what it's like to be at your wits end. Also, hardly any baby likes to sleep flat on their back in a crib or bassinet so your baby sounds quite normal.

    My first child would only sleep on me and it was very draining. What have you tried? Swaddle? Rock 'n' play? White noise? Rock to sleep after eating?

    With my new baby (now 4.5 months), I put her in the rock 'n' play, swaddled, right off the bat and she slept great in there. I've always had white noise going and I have her nap in a dark room. It's all about trial and error to find what your baby likes.

    I'm sure once you start getting a little sleep, things won't seem so terrible.

     

    BBoyd2013
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  • Thanks, we do swaddle him and use white noise. That's how we get the 1.5-2 hours lol. He's not a fan of the rock n play either :( I swear, we could have saved so much money on all the gadgets he doesn't like lol.
  • Do you have anyone that can help you so you can get some sleep?

    It gets better,  I swear but it sounds like you just have a semi-high-needs baby!

     

  • Do not have same experience, but at beginning my LO had a tough time sleeping for more than 2 hours. A few friends suggested sleeping in shifts and alternating w/ hubby.

    Can you & your hubby sleep in shifts? One of you sleeps from 8-12 the other 12 am-4am (or some other hours along those lines?)
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  • First and foremost, you are not a bad mom. You are a great mom. The first few months are HARD. Just remember that things like this are part of a phase, and your LO will grow out of it and begin to sleep more.

    I know every baby is different, but for me, once we established a routine my life got so much better. It helped my LO sort out his days and nights.

    Since your son has some reflux issues, try having him sleep in the rock n play. Being slightly elevated will help him digest easier. I would swaddle my LO and put him in th RNP. That way he could feel like he was snuggled up close to me. White noise and humidifier helped us especially in the drier winter months.

    Also, try to put your LO to before they are showing sleep signs like yawning and rubbing their eyes. Once they are doing that, odds are they are overly tired and should already be asleep.

    Lastly, call for back up. Call your mom, your H's mom, a friend, sister, anyone who can some help you for a few hours. Whether it is babysitting or errands, it will make a world of difference.

    My LO was born a preemie with an ASD and a PDA. So I know how much you worry. Hang in there!

  • Didn't see this mentioned, but are you swaddling him? If not, that might help  since it sounds like he likes to be cuddled
    mommaa1615
  • I'm in the exact same boat at 12 weeks. My son won't sleep anywhere (RnP, mamaroo, pack n' play, co-sleeper bassinet, car seat all failed) but I will tell you that establishing a routine did help him sleep better at night. He'll go down for the night (while in my arms) b/t 7:30/8pm and sleep till about 7/7:30am waking a few times to feed. Hang in there and remember you're not alone. I'm a sleep deprived walking zombie with tons of aches and pains from holding baby too.
  • Bride2bee0012, does he sleep in your arms all night or can you eventually get him to lay in something?
  • As PP state you are doing an AMAZING job! It takes so much to ask for help! What we noticed with DS is that it doesn't matter who is holding him as long as they smell like me! When you lay him down in whatever works try putting something with your scent near. I know it kind of sounds like training a puppy to sleep through the night but it worked for us!

    Again same as PP a routine from day 1 has helped us. its never to late to start. Our DS associates smell well enough that we have a "bedtime" lotion just for bed time. He isn't anywhere close to sleeping through the night but when we lay him down for bed he will go about 3 hours. Don't give up! You really are doing a great job! 

  • Bboyd2013 he will sleep next to me with his head in the crook of my arm and no pillows/blankets near us and I always try to put him in co-sleeper 1x a night and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. He won't tolerate a swaddle but I put him in a sleep sack and turn on white noise and he def sleeps longer that way.
    BBoyd2013
  • I have a similar situation. My lo falls asleep on me and when i put him down he wakes and cries. It takes about 2 hours of this to finally get him down. Then I can get 3 hours between feelings. My little one didn't like to be swaddled so we bought a zipadee zip. Google it. Basically was made to ween baby off swaddle

  • I have a similar situation. My lo falls asleep on me and when i put him down he wakes and cries. It takes about 2 hours of this to finally get him down. Then I can get 3 hours between feelings. My little one didn't like to be swaddled so we bought a zipadee zip. Google it. Basically was made to ween baby off swaddle

    Swaddling is perfectly fine until baby learns to roll. I don't see any need to "wean" from this? Most parents don't swaddle tight enough & label a baby that they "don't like it". Baby will fight the swaddle due to tiredness-- make it tight enough & baby will drop off to sleep because they are secure.


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    BigboobsmcgeeMrsStanger
  • I have a similar situation. My lo falls asleep on me and when i put him down he wakes and cries. It takes about 2 hours of this to finally get him down. Then I can get 3 hours between feelings. My little one didn't like to be swaddled so we bought a zipadee zip. Google it. Basically was made to ween baby off swaddle

    Swaddling is perfectly fine until baby learns to roll. I don't see any need to "wean" from this? Most parents don't swaddle tight enough & label a baby that they "don't like it". Baby will fight the swaddle due to tiredness-- make it tight enough & baby will drop off to sleep because they are secure.
    Totally agree.

     

    PrimRoseMamaMrsStanger
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