Thursday, Family/In Law vents! — The Bump
May 2015 Moms

Thursday, Family/In Law vents!

Okay, this one might be a little long, but is much needed.
So my husband's grandma can be a handful. If you've seen my other posts you'd know what I'm talking about. Lover her to pieces, believe me. Just sometimes she can get under everyone's skin. Anyways, the other day her friend calls (her name is Charlene and she is my Mother in laws friends mom. Friends name is Lorraine.)
So she calls the house and let's it ring twice, hangs up after I answer and then calls right back? I'm thinking "okay this must be like a code for gram to know who it is, but its not necessary. So I walk upstairs and I kindly tell gram that she doesn't need a code. She can call and grandma can answer, it's not that big of a deal.
Grandma goes "Well I don't wanna get in trouble for answering the phone if its a bill collector." And I reply "Grandma you never get in trouble for answering the phone. Especially by me so if it's a telemarketer just hang up." She giggles and that's the end of it.
Well the next day I go over to my mother in laws and she asks "So.. weird question and I know the answer. Did you yell and cuss gram out the other day about Charlene calling the house?" I start chuckling because I couldn't believe what she just asked and I said "You're seriously? Theres no way I'd ever even think about raising my voice to that woman. That's ridiculous." She obviously knew I was telling the truth and proceeded to tell me that Charlene told Lorraine that I told gram that "This is fucking ridiculous.people need to stop calling and fucking hanging up. I'm sick and tired of your bull shit this is fucking stupid!" So again, I kind of took some time to gather what the hell I was just falsely accused of, and asked mil to call Lorraine and confront her. So she did (and MIL completely agrees with me btw) so Lorraine goes "well my mom heard what she heard and said that if Marissa would have talked to her like that, she would have put her in her place."
First off, bitch is lying about the wrong person. I hate liars!
Second, my husband was sitting downstairs and heard the whole thing. And again, agrees that nothing I said was mean, or out of line whatsoever.
Third, I don't like confrontation to begin with so why the fuck would I pull some shit like that? Especially to and 83 year old woman?!
I'm livid at the fact that even though grandma and dh has validated that none of that ever happened , she's still sticking to her story like the pathetic woman she is.
My feelings were/are a bit hurt. I mean who in their right mind would make an accusation like that? MIL goes "Well I'm not okay with Charlene acting like Marissa is abusing my mother, that's not okay." And Lorraine goes "Well we all have our different versions of that."
And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

What would you ladies do? I'm lost and all I can keep thinking is "Lord please don't let me go bat shit crazy on this woman."

Re: Thursday, Family/In Law vents!

  •  What would you ladies do? I'm lost and all I can keep thinking is "Lord please don't let me go bat shit crazy on this woman."
    I hate confrontation as well. That sounds like a huge mess. I think all you can do is just ignore it and don't talk to those people. The people that matter in this situation (MIL and DH) know the truth and even if MIL doesn't believe you down the road...DH does and he sees how you are. Sounds like the grandma needs to stand up and tell the truth and stop playing victim/innocent bystander in this. 

    I know that sounds harsh, but just because shes in her 80s doesn't mean she should get to do/say whatever and get away with all of that.
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  • I have an in law rant too. :) 

    Its about my father in law...always has been and I'm thinking always will be. 

    If you've kept up with any of my posts you know I've had a rough time with my husbands dog being really sick. I didn't have the money to take him to the vet, so I was having to do care for him at home. It hasn't been easy...especially with me being pregnant and dealing with pelvic pain and really bad back pain. 
    Well I finally found out exactly what has caused the dog to be so sick and I'm absolutely furious about it. 
    My husband came home yesterday and told me that my FIL told him that the dog had eaten a dirty diaper several days ago. 
    The dirty diaper came from my FILs new baby and apparently he wasn't paying attention and just allowed the dog to eat the diaper. 

    I'm furious because my husband and I have no where else to keep the dog during the day while we are both working and so my husband takes him up to the family business so he can get some much needed outside/exercise time. Now I don't know what to do. We have to be careful about the dog being here during the day because we aren't supposed to have him here since they changed the dog policy. Oh well... dog is better now. 

    Another bitch about my FIL...I hadn't seen him since November and finally saw him the other day when we stopped at the family business to get some papers to go looking for a house. Well...yeah I've gotten bigger since we first found out I was pregnant and when we were leaving the shop I turned around to see if my DH was coming behind me and I saw my FIL laughing and pointing at me behind my back. I was so irritated that I told him to shut up and just walked out. 
    DH didn't see him laugh and point. :( 


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  •  What would you ladies do? I'm lost and all I can keep thinking is "Lord please don't let me go bat shit crazy on this woman."

    I hate confrontation as well. That sounds like a huge mess. I think all you can do is just ignore it and don't talk to those people. The people that matter in this situation (MIL and DH) know the truth and even if MIL doesn't believe you down the road...DH does and he sees how you are. Sounds like the grandma needs to stand up and tell the truth and stop playing victim/innocent bystander in this. 

    I know that sounds harsh, but just because shes in her 80s doesn't mean she should get to do/say whatever and get away with all of that.

    No I completely understand and agree with you. She never ever does any wrong, and maybe she told Charlene a different story than what really happened. Because when MIL asked , gram said "No she never cussed or yelled at me! Maybe the way I told Charlene made her think differently."
    How could you go tell a story and screw up details like THAT? Messed up.
  •  What would you ladies do? I'm lost and all I can keep thinking is "Lord please don't let me go bat shit crazy on this woman."
    I hate confrontation as well. That sounds like a huge mess. I think all you can do is just ignore it and don't talk to those people. The people that matter in this situation (MIL and DH) know the truth and even if MIL doesn't believe you down the road...DH does and he sees how you are. Sounds like the grandma needs to stand up and tell the truth and stop playing victim/innocent bystander in this. 

    I know that sounds harsh, but just because shes in her 80s doesn't mean she should get to do/say whatever and get away with all of that.
    No I completely understand and agree with you. She never ever does any wrong, and maybe she told Charlene a different story than what really happened. Because when MIL asked , gram said "No she never cussed or yelled at me! Maybe the way I told Charlene made her think differently." How could you go tell a story and screw up details like THAT? Messed up.
    LMAO. Whatever. She totally knows what she said. There is absolutely no way that Charlene could have gotten all of that if the grandma wouldn't have said anything at least similar. 
    I wouldn't worry about it honestly. If you and everyone else ignores it and pretends that it isn't a big deal then I'm sure it'll just go away. I think that they are wanting a certain reaction out of you and trust me...when they don't get it they will get bored. 
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    MissRissx3
  • My mother-in-law asked me the other day, "so are you eating what you want to eat? or are you eating what James (baby) wants to eat? You need to focus on not being selfish and eat what he wants."

    Yeah... I laughed it off, but I wanted to be like wtf so badly.

    juliaharr
  • mhayes120 said:
    My mother-in-law asked me the other day, "so are you eating what you want to eat? or are you eating what James (baby) wants to eat? You need to focus on not being selfish and eat what he wants."

    Yeah... I laughed it off, but I wanted to be like wtf so badly.
    I seriously would have blank stared her so much after hearing that. 

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  • I'm just irritated with my step-FIL as he has now contacted me FOUR times asking when my shower will be.  I keep explaining that the date isn't set yet as my mom is still viewing locations and should know this week.  

    I'm just frustrated that he's so pushy about it and that he automatically assumed I would be inviting MIL (which also means including my step-MIL) to the shower my mom is hosting with her family, my dad's family, my stepdad's family and my stepmom's family.  I'm all for including other people and didn't need it to be a my side versus his side, but all of his family lives five hours away, and the shower list is already giant with just my family.

    I definitely would have invited the moms regardless, but I hate that he assumes that it's an automatic, and he also suggested some relatives from MILs family who should be invited too.  I calmly explained that my mom's shower was already a very large group, and I was not going to ask her to include anyone beyond the mothers.  

    I know I'm being a brat, but it's just so annoying dealing with this stuff, especially because both sets of DH's parents are expecting to stay with us the weekend of the shower, and we're not sure quite how to handle that one.  Now I'm remembering why I turned down all wedding shower offers. :)
  • I can so relate to all of the stories! I am not married but have been with the father of my baby due in May for the last 7 years, and own a home together. His mother is the only cause of stress in my life because she always makes me feel guilty about wanting to return to work because she was a stay at home mom. If she says one more time "daycare is letting a stranger raise your child" I might lose it. I would love to stay home but I am at a great point in my career and plan on taking at leat 4 months maternity with a possibility of extending it to 7 months. She never had a career and it did not make sense for her to work as it would have been the same as it would be to pay for daycare so she didn't work, while her husband worked 70 hours a week so they could survive, mind you this was 27 years ago. Times have changed, we can afford daycare and but we cannot afford for me to lose great health insurance and a pension. She just knows how to phrase her comments to hurt me the worst for my decision but I have been trying not to snap and throw reality in her face as she is still my boyfriends mother and I want to keep the peace. Also, my boyfriend has been working overtime at night during the week to help save for the baby and she asks me "will he slow down with the overtime once the baby comes?" I don't know! Are you implying that he will also never see his child like I won't because we work! She can be so intrusive with questions like that and doesn't seem to be satisfied when I tell her we will see when the time comes what we can afford. Sorry! Had to vent she's driving me crazy. Now I understand why he doesn't let her in because she just pushes and pushes and is so condescending. I hope you all find peace with your inlaws or come to some sort of understanding that allows you to get through this stressful time!
  • Ok this is nothing compared to some of you ladies, but I am so tired of my MIL. We have always had a rocky relationship, because, well I took her youngest away from her. She has some borderline tendencies but has never been diagnosed. She just prefers to push everyone away with her condescending and hurtful comments and then wallow in self pity when no one wants to be around her.
    So, she goes to the church DH grew up in and I became a Christian in. We got married there and it's a special place to us. She told me a couple months ago that she'd like to throw me a shower there. I thanked her and told her that sounds wonderful. Well, it's since been about 2 months since she mentioned this. Our church is also throwing me a shower and I wanted to be sure they weren't trying to plan it for the same day she was planning one. So, I simply asked her if she was still planning to do one and if she had any dates in mind. Well I apparently opened a can of worms. She goes on this big long rant to DH about how she doesn't know who to invite or what dates will work or which location to have it (our church has 2 sites). Why hasn't she just asked me these questions? Why is she complaining to DH about it? Why is this stressing me out more than the shower my sisters are throwing for my family? On top of it all, she can't call and talk about it. She sends text messages. Which tend to make you sound like an a-hole even if you don't intend to be.
    It's really not that huge of a deal except she won't talk to me about it. DH doesn't know who I still know at the church. He doesn't know my schedule. She should be asking me these questions if she really wants to do this. It just seems like every time she wants to do something nice for us it turns into work and/or stress for us. I'm not into being the center of attention. I'm not all that eager to walk back into our old church and have people buying me gifts. The people I still really keep in touch with were invited to my other shower. And truly, I just don't want to deal with my MIL. Just thinking about family dynamics after Baby gets here makes me want to cry.
    I could go on for days with more, but I really shouldn't get started. I just feel like I'm a burden to her, when she's the one who suggested it.
  • Sounds so familiar! I think she asks him for answers about things she should ask me to make it seem like we don't communicate or that he knows nothing about me. Why else wouldn't she just pick up the phone? I say to my boyfriend a lot lately that I will be nothing like his mother when it comes to treating my son and a future SO (I realize this is a long time away) because I would never want someone else to feel the way she make me feel. If you want so badly to be involved why say things that only push you away?
    gherkins
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