Baby shower questions

melao8

So... I've heard throwing your own baby shower is tacky, but... What if no one offers to throw one? Just not have one?

Blergbot

Yep, sorry. You can create a registry and send a link to anyone who asks, but yeah...kind of a bummer IF this is your first. If you already have a kid, then you typically don't get another baby shower. You can have what's called a "sprinkle," which is a much more modest version of a shower (and even those are frowned upon in some circles), but, again, someone would have to offer. You can still have the registry, though, either way. It would be tacky, though, to just send out the registry link to people or post it on FB. Just have it handy in case anyone asks.

penguin4282

We are doing a coed shower at our house and have had friends do the same, we are doing a Bbq so it's not formal, depends on what you want to do

Blergbot

penguin4282 said:

We are doing a coed shower at our house and have had friends do the same, we are doing a Bbq so it's not formal, depends on what you want to do

Please don't listen to this person. Whether coed or not, if billed as a baby shower, you should not host it yourself. The whole point of a baby shower is to be "showered" with gifts. If you just want to have a BBQ and happen to be pregnant, and people happen to bring gifts, that's fine. But don't call it a baby shower and don't put registry info on the invite. If people ask where you're registered and bring you a gift, fine. The formality of the event doesn't matter, either. Mine will also take place in my home, but it is being planned and co-hosted by three of my friends.

tigerlily25

Don't throw your own shower. It's presumptuous and gift-grabby.

keifekm

Definitely don't throw your own shower. In my opinion a shower is a gift from close friends and/or family not an entitlement. Just count your blessings that you have a healthy baby and do the best you can do to get what you need.

mamaceltia

Throw yourself a shower. Dont send out a registry, just invite people and see what happens. Get treats and snacks for everybody. Celebrates your little one. Maybe you don't call it a shower, rather a celebratory get together.

mrsalvidrez

Yup. Unfortunately that's how it works.

somewheresublime86

mamaceltia said:

Throw yourself a shower. Dont send out a registry, just invite people and see what happens. Get treats and snacks for everybody. Celebrates your little one. Maybe you don't call it a shower, rather a celebratory get together.

Sorry, no. This is a total breach of ettiquette.

tigerlily25

mamaceltia said:

Throw yourself a shower. Dont send out a registry, just invite people and see what happens. Get treats and snacks for everybody. Celebrates your little one. Maybe you don't call it a shower, rather a celebratory get together.

Seriously? Anyways, if you want you can have a sip and see after baby is born, however don't expect gifts. If people want to bring you something, they will.

penguin4282

Right... God forbid you throw one yourself instead of having one planned for you that isn't what you like cause the etiquette police will show up, how about wanting your friends to come celebrate your baby, it's not about being "showered" with gifts, we are paying for a party for our friends to celebrate the birth of our child, heaven forbid

NagaWater

penguin4282 said:

Right... God forbid you throw one yourself instead of having one planned for you that isn't what you like cause the etiquette police will show up, how about wanting your friends to come celebrate your baby, it's not about being "showered" with gifts, we are paying for a party for our friends to celebrate the birth of our child, heavin forbid

That's the entire reason it's called a shower. To SHOWER people with gifts.

mamaceltia

Don't ask for anything except for people to come and join in on the celebration of your baby, and the new child coming into everyone's life. If people feel like bringing you gifts they will, if not, you have their joy atleast. Me, my mother, and my mother in law planned mine. They paid and I helped with everything, because it seemed selfish to make them do all of the work for something they had no benefit from, plus they are very busy. Not everyone is as lucky as others, and everyone deserves to celebrate their baby with others, if they want to. Fuck the etiquette.

somewheresublime86

Somewhere, Miss Manners is sadly shaking her head at this. Yes, you can do whatever you want. No, that does not mean that you should. Throwing a party for yourself to celebrate baby (whatever you decide to call it) is not a classy or gracious move.

NagaWater

mamaceltia said:

Fuck the etiquette.

No

Unknown

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keifekm

penguin4282 said:

Right... God forbid you throw one yourself instead of having one planned for you that isn't what you like cause the etiquette police will show up, how about wanting your friends to come celebrate your baby, it's not about being "showered" with gifts, we are paying for a party for our friends to celebrate the birth of our child, heavin forbid

"Heavin forbid?" Oh dear. You are going to have the etiquette and moral police after you now. By the way people, if you have auto correct or spell check on it does you a world of good. It actually took some effort (like 8 attempts) for me to type "heavin" instead of "Heaven."

As others have mentioned, throwing a "sip and see" to celebrate baby's birth is fine but it is very presumptuous to give out registry information when you aren't asked. Dropping hints about things you like or "need" is not ok either. If you and your SO choose to have a child together you should be in a position to buy what you need. It is not up to friends and family to supply you and your child with things.

I really thought (hoped) we had laid the registry topic to rest a long time ago when @AMShark put things into perspective beautifully. Where are you dear? I hope the twins are doing well.

boxermamahm

Before my mother in law insisted on hosting our shower, my husband and I were planning to host a baby celebration on our own-- an evening cocktail party for our families and friends, gathered for the purpose of celebrating the beginning of our new family. We were making it clear it wasn't a shower, no gifts were expected, and certainly not including registry information. I think that's fine to do, as long as you aren't seeking gifts.

Once my MIL insisted on hosting a shower, we agreed to merge our ideas (a shower hosted by a loved one + a non traditional co-Ed cocktail party to celebrate baby). I still feel a little awkward about the gift part but I think it will be fine to announce we are opening gifts, without making everyone feel obligated to stop socializing and come watch.

AMShark

keifekm said:

Right... God forbid you throw one yourself instead of having one planned for you that isn't what you like cause the etiquette police will show up, how about wanting your friends to come celebrate your baby, it's not about being "showered" with gifts, we are paying for a party for our friends to celebrate the birth of our child, heavin forbid

"Heavin forbid?" Oh dear. You are going to have the etiquette and moral police after you now. By the way people, if you have auto correct or spell check on it does you a world of good. It actually took some effort (like 8 attempts) for me to type "heavin" instead of "Heaven." As others have mentioned, throwing a "sip and see" to celebrate baby's birth is fine but it is very presumptuous to give out registry information when you aren't asked. Dropping hints about things you like or "need" is not ok either. If you and your SO choose to have a child together you should be in a position to buy what you need. It is not up to friends and family to supply you and your child with things. I really thought (hoped) we had laid the registry topic to rest a long time ago when @AMShark put things into perspective beautifully. Where are you dear? I hope the twins are doing well.

I don't think there's any harm in having a party to celebrate the birth of your child.  A sip & see is a lovely way to do this - but it isn't a shower.  I believe a PP said everyone has a right to a shower.  I disagree.  A shower isn't a "right."  Freedom of speech is a right; The ability to make decisions about your own body, to to have an abortion if you so choose, by a certain date in gestation is a right; the ability to elect our government officials is a right.  A shower is a lovely gift that friends or family (I have no qualms with showers being thrown by family) bestow upon you.  You wouldn't throw your own wedding shower, would you?  (Or would you?  Maybe, don't answer that one).

Not everyone will have the luxury of a shower, for a host of different reasons.  I gave mine in a different thread, so I'll spare you repeating it here, but I'll give you the link, in case you care to look read it on your own. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/86440968/#Comment_86440968

On the multiples forum, a woman who just found out she was having twins was worrying about how to make her budget stretch for a second baby.  There were so many great suggestions, such as buying gently used items for your LO (except car seats - buy your car seats new), looking into cloth diapering, and not buying into the hype that you need *all* of the items listed on the extensive baby registry check lists.  

By all means, @meloa8 - register for the things you need and want.  It could be worth it for discounts and completion coupons alone, and there will probably be a number of individuals who would like to give you a gift, whether or not you have a shower. I am not a particularly traditional person, but I would not throw myself a shower.  I know its a bummer, but I promise you, you'll find a way to get by without one.

maplebar

I'm sorry if you feel like you're missing out because no one has offered to throw a shower for you but I've gone to several meet the baby/sip and see type parties both hosted by someone else and by the new mom and I enjoyed them. There weren't give registries or baby shower games and they were fun and mellow.

kjuryfl

Throwing your own shower is tacky and gift grabby. Perhaps you can host a meet the baby get together after you bring the baby home.

meganmcmuffin

I would have a sip and see but would not throw my own baby shower. I'm sorry though that none of your family members or friends have offered to throw you one though. Sending you creepy Internet hugs

NagaWater

meganmcmuffin said:

I would have a sip and see but would not throw my own baby shower. I'm sorry though that none of your family members or friends have offered to throw you one though. Sending you creepy Internet hugs </p>

This is what we're going to do. Especially if we have a NICU baby (a welcome home party of sorts).
It's just easier for everyone to meet baby at one time and I don't have to worry about people bothering me all day in the hospital. I know I'm going to want to rest as much as possible.

melao8

No, I don't have any family in the country and not close to his family either. A lot of my close friends have moved away since college graduation 2yrs ago so only have like 2 close friends with drama of their own, so I get they're busy. People at work are just coworkers no real friend who would do that. oh well I guess you guys are right, it's kind of sad like you said cause I read all the updates and things to do on the lists in the app and I'd like to be one of those too. But yeah I get it it's tacky, and true, he's our son, only ours, I shouldn't care that no one else cares. thanks crystal clear... No baby shower.

melao8

Thanks for your guy's advice! Appreciate it! Gotta love support groups

NagaWater

heatherpearl said:

NagaWater said:

meganmcmuffin said:

I would have a sip and see but would not throw my own baby shower. I'm sorry though that none of your family members or friends have offered to throw you one though. Sending you creepy Internet hugs

This is what we're going to do. Especially if we have a NICU baby (a welcome home party of sorts).
It's just easier for everyone to meet baby at one time and I don't have to worry about people bothering me all day in the hospital. I know I'm going to want to rest as much as possible.

I have never heard of a sip and see....  plus from a germ load perspective I am not sure I would want to have everyone stroll through after the baby is born.   Obviously family and really close friends will visit but a cocktail party with a newborn is not something I have ever seen   To each their own though!

We'd probably wait until at least the 6 week mark and maybe to a informal BBQ.  


Yeah, I'm obviously not going to pass my child around to everyone and their mother. What makes you think a lot of people would be invited? And what makes you think it's different than people seeing your baby in the hospital? Here's a hint, it isn't.
No one said anything about a cocktail party. At all. It's called a sip and see because traditionally women would gather and sip TEA and admire the baby.

And considering everyone knows my stance on hand sanitizer I'm sure my child will be fine.

Your post comes off judgmental as shit.

Sundancexo

Anyone who says not to have one is just jealous!!!! Throw one for yourself and you won't regret it. I requested gifts at my first two showers, and cash at my third. I think I will request cash again at my fourth but I think I will let people bring me presents too. I want a really nice stroller this time around like the one Kim Kardashian has so maybe everyone can pool their money.

SarahCColorado29

Hi! I have a follow up shower question. My mom let it slip today that her and my sister and putting together a 'surprise' (not so surprise anymore) shower for me. The thing is, I have a two year old son, and had a wonderful shower (also thrown by them) for my first. I am having another boy, and really don't want gifts, and I also think the whole shower for the second time around seems tacky.

Is there a polite way to guide my mom and sister into a Sip & See without seeming ungrateful for them wanting to throw a shower?

Any advice would be great

mrsmeyer419

Honestly that is completely absurd to request much of anything. I get it, most people bring gifts to a baby shower, but to specifically say I want cash or I want gifts is awful. And I for sure wouldn't suggest that my guests pool their money for one super expensive gift. We went ahead and bought our own travel system and bigger items because I'd feel weird assuming I'd get one at my shower.

As for trying to guide your momma away from a second shower, maybe just say I really appreciate the thought, but we've got most of what is needed since we just had a shower 2 years ago with our other son, maybe it'd be best to do something after baby is here.

juliaandpatrick

NagaWater said:

heatherpearl said:

NagaWater said:

meganmcmuffin said:

I would have a sip and see but would not throw my own baby shower. I'm sorry though that none of your family members or friends have offered to throw you one though. Sending you creepy Internet hugs

This is what we're going to do. Especially if we have a NICU baby (a welcome home party of sorts).
It's just easier for everyone to meet baby at one time and I don't have to worry about people bothering me all day in the hospital. I know I'm going to want to rest as much as possible.

I have never heard of a sip and see....  plus from a germ load perspective I am not sure I would want to have everyone stroll through after the baby is born.   Obviously family and really close friends will visit but a cocktail party with a newborn is not something I have ever seen   To each their own though!

We'd probably wait until at least the 6 week mark and maybe to a informal BBQ.  

Yeah, I'm obviously not going to pass my child around to everyone and their mother. What makes you think a lot of people would be invited? And what makes you think it's different than people seeing your baby in the hospital? Here's a hint, it isn't.
No one said anything about a cocktail party. At all. It's called a sip and see because traditionally women would gather and sip TEA and admire the baby.

And considering everyone knows my stance on hand sanitizer I'm sure my child will be fine.

Your post comes off judgmental as shit.

A pp mentioned a cocktail party. No one was attacking you. Calm your panties.

fourthtimesacharm

Clammy said:

Anyone who says not to have one is just jealous!!!! Throw one for yourself and you won't regret it. I requested gifts at my first two showers, and cash at my third. I think I will request cash again at my fourth but I think I will let people bring me presents too. I want a really nice stroller this time around like the one Kim Kardashian has so maybe everyone can pool their money.

I heard that the oldest Kardashian had two showers for her third baby. I've always wanted to be as classy as those girls. Thanks for the awesome advise!

NagaWater

juliaandpatrick said:

NagaWater said:

heatherpearl said:

NagaWater said:

meganmcmuffin said:

I would have a sip and see but would not throw my own baby shower. I'm sorry though that none of your family members or friends have offered to throw you one though. Sending you creepy Internet hugs

This is what we're going to do. Especially if we have a NICU baby (a welcome home party of sorts).
It's just easier for everyone to meet baby at one time and I don't have to worry about people bothering me all day in the hospital. I know I'm going to want to rest as much as possible.

I have never heard of a sip and see....  plus from a germ load perspective I am not sure I would want to have everyone stroll through after the baby is born.   Obviously family and really close friends will visit but a cocktail party with a newborn is not something I have ever seen   To each their own though!

We'd probably wait until at least the 6 week mark and maybe to a informal BBQ.  

Yeah, I'm obviously not going to pass my child around to everyone and their mother. What makes you think a lot of people would be invited? And what makes you think it's different than people seeing your baby in the hospital? Here's a hint, it isn't.
No one said anything about a cocktail party. At all. It's called a sip and see because traditionally women would gather and sip TEA and admire the baby.

And considering everyone knows my stance on hand sanitizer I'm sure my child will be fine.

Your post comes off judgmental as shit.

A pp mentioned a cocktail party. No one was attacking you. Calm your panties.

My panties are just fine.

justyouraveragemama

If no one offers to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. You can have a sip and see, but not a shower. If you throw it yourself you now look like/are gift grabby. And that's shallow as fuck.

Ashgal

Yes, throwing your own shower is not only tacky, but seems greedy and gift grabby. If no one offers to throw you one, then maybe have a "Welcome baby" gathering with your family after baby arrives where you invite everyone over to meet baby and welcome him/her to the family.

melao8

Our family is my mother, his mother and his sister pfff

tianamariie

Honestly I wouldn't care if I looked tacky, people are going to judge you no matter what you do in your life ! Throw yourself a shower & have fun with it ! Who cares what others have to say

kmayababy

This is baby #4 for me, all my baby showers have been thrown by others in the past and each never met what i desired for a baby shower.. Although I appreciate the shower, with my last pregnancy i decided to throw this one myself and conveniently asked a friend if she would like to help me.. Its not tacky, throw yourself a diaper party too!! My shower is on March 1st I'm almost done with all the decor/souvenirs and am on to preparing food.. (Sounds early) well egg rolls can be frozen, purchasing meat, seasoning it and freezing it.. Good luck, but ask around, nobody ever told me i was having a shower it was always a surprise!

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popourc85s

To me a shower is a celebration of a baby. I think the whole showered with gifts theme went out long long ago. Gifts are not mandatory atleast not in my neck of the woods, its a party!! Woop woop. Not a flippin tea party lol. If ppl dont like it they wont go. Those who want to celebrate come. Case closed. Best of luck and wishes for happy healthy babies to all. Even you cranky mean girls