Dealing with Nosy Mom during Delivery

Ace6050

I'm due with my 2nd baby in April and already know my mom is going to drive me nuts during labor, like she did with our first.

To put it lightly my mom is a control freak. She can't sit quietly and support in a peaceful way. Instead it's "what can I do?" "What is the doctor doing now? He needs to do this. I'm going to talk to him. Have you asked this yet? I'm going to ask. Where's the doctor?"

What makes it worse is, when I'm laboring, I want to be COMPLETELY QUIET AND ALONE. I can't talk through that kind of pain and wouldn't want to. Honestly the thought of laboring on top of a mountain by myself sounds divine.

My mom just talks about how I need to realize that "people" (HER) are there to help and I NEED to be understanding of their experiences and guide them in how to participate. Um sorry, I REALLY don't think this is about you?!

I guess I'm looking for reassurance and nods from people who have been there.

SeekingSmall

I don't allow my mother anywhere near me because she sounds just like yours. My advice? Tell her she's not allowed in this time. Explain that you honestly just prefer a silent place to labor without talking, even encouragement. I'm the same way, so I completely understand that.

This is your birth, and though it may be a not fun conversation, you're a grown woman, a mom, and it's one you need to have.

sal3rnost

That's a tough call. Can you just call her AFTER the baby arrives ? Or is she your L&D coach?

NagaWater

I'm sorry but I wouldn't let her know until after baby is here.
She sounds like my MIL. And we have no problems not telling her.

harlidoo

I wouldn't tell her your in labor. I know My mom will be respectful but I have no intentions of telling my MIL or step-MIL until after baby arrives. Plus the idea of people sitting around a waiting room waiting for me to have the baby just is plain weird to me.

lilann2011

I had this same kind of situation with my first except it's my SIL. My mom is quiet and just is there if I need anything My SIL on the other hand was so adamant about being in the room which I was ok with because I knew she would be a good coach but she is def a little overbearing at times. So before labor I had a talk with her to tell her what I did and didn't want. Mostly simple stuff like don't tell me how you did it or do this or that unless I ask and not to over shadow my hubby if and when he helps lol. She is one of those "her way is the best way" and she had no epidural with her 2 so I was happy to have that support but I told her, if I decide to get one I don't want to hear anything from you!!
Hopefully you can be honest with your mom so your experience is better than the first!

NagaWater

harlidoo said:

I wouldn't tell her your in labor. I know My mom will be respectful but I have no intentions of telling my MIL or step-MIL until after baby arrives. Plus the idea of people sitting around a waiting room waiting for me to have the baby just is plain weird to me.

My MIL, after being told NOT to come to the hospital because I was stressed and scared (in PTL), not only came 20mins after we let her know I was having DS but also brought SIL, GMIL, and DH's aunt. It was 11pm, DS was born at 9:45am. And yes, they waited the WHOLE time. X(

miracle4x

It's your decision who is present at the hospital while you give birth. Don't tell anyone you're in labor, simple as that. I get annoyed when people want to visit immediately after my babies are born, so I have told my husband not to call anyone until I say he can. Just be firm.

be888

Just don't tell her you are in labor. Do you have someone else that can be in the room with you?

BBS!

I kicked my mother in law out and told nurses no one comes in but my husband. My MIL knew the rules but snuck in any ways. To me this is a private time not family time...

amandamarie2

Another vote for just not having her there. If you know she's not going to go with what you want, you don't need to have her in the room. I have a good relationship with my mom and she's coming to stay with us after the baby is born because I know she'll be a big help then but she would drive me nuts in labour. She likes to talk and fuss over things while I prefer to be left alone as much as possible. That's why it will just be my DH and the MWs with me.

mfouillard

Just tell your mother that this time you'd like it to be just you & your SO! Nothing wrong with wanting a quiet labour & delivery. Maybe suggest she can be in the hospital waiting area and your SO will go down and get them once baby is here. That way you are not completely avoiding her presence & she'll still meet baby right after birth.

julievdm12

Unless she is your birthing coach I would just not contact her until the baby has arrived. If she is your birthing coach, talk to her about what you want, or maybe try and find someone else for the job.

CivilMommy

have your mom watch the older child at home, so she isn't at the hospital.  If she shows up, ask the nurses to show her to the waiting room.

topaz7777

My mom is like this also.  She came up from Florida when she found out I was being induced.  I allowed her to come in and see me for a while before I got really uncomfortable.  Then when I was transitioning I asked her to wait in the waiting room.  It also helped that my sister was there with me.  We had talked prior and she knew it was her job to keep my mom out of the delivery room.  She basically stood at the door like a cop until my mom got the hint.  It was great, no problems at all. 

nikkijo3

I totally understand where you are coming from. I had my mom in with me when I delivered my second and thought it would be a great experience. Wrong!!! My favourite line was when I had been in the hospital for about 3 hours and she said "Well I don't know why this is taking so long, I never took this long to have my babies." Nothing like trying to make me feel bad about the length of my labour while I'm in labour, which was only about 7 hours anyway, not exactly long. The nurses were totally rolling their eyes at her. She stressed me out the whole time. Needless to say, she didn't join in when I had #3 and won't be in with me for #4 either. She's actually booked a trip to go see my sister right when my baby's due which is a whole other story that has seriously ticked me off. I love my mom but I have made some boundaries pretty clear with her so we can all like each other. You've got lots of good advice on this from others on how to best deal with it. Good luck and I hope you have a quiet and calm delivery like you want.

Mel&John2013

Agree with PP, I wouldn't have her in the delivery room. And I'd let her know that beforehand.

Labor and delivery isn't the time to be appeasing others. 

MagalinaH

I can understand the stress and anxiety that produces, so I will echo what pps have said and just don't invite her in.  You should have complete control over who is in the labor/delivery room with you.  If not, your hospital's security isn't good enough.  We are not allowing anyone else in the room besides doctors and nurses.  Our hospital has controlled access doors, AND we have the option of putting a do not disturb on our room-meaning that if someone calls, or comes to the front desk and asks what room we're in, they will be told that they do not have a patient by that name. 

Mireille LeBlanc

Tbh, I told my mom when I went to the hospital at 4pm, but followed that up with "We'll call as soon as it's a good time for you to come". We called again at 7am to say the baby had been born at 4am, and said again "We'll call again as soon as it's okay to come since we all need to sleep right now". We called them around 10:30am to invite them over. 

If it's as bad as you say, I wouldn't even call them until the baby is born and you're ready for her to come. If she gets upset, you can say you were all so busy with everything, etc. that you didn't have time to call. Or maybe ask her to take care of your other LO while you go to the hospital - that way she would be helping, but not around you.

(Edited to fix sentences)

kinseykinz

Wait this is baby number two right?  Can't you just task her with 'Mom I really need you to watch kiddo number 1, that'd be a big help.'  And either rely on someone else to assist you in the hospital/handle the phonecalls your Mom might still be doing or solo it? 

MandieLeeS123

Oh my gosh I would freak out if anyone other than my DH tried to force themselves into the delivery room! I feel like I won't want anyone talking to me or touching me while I'm in pain. I would def ask her to watch your first little kiddo at home, that in itself is a very important job and hopefully she will understand that that is where she is needed most.

Murran131

Whew, yeah, I agree with apparently every other poster. Only have people in the delivery room that you WANT to be there. The hospital staff is happy to keep anyone out that you request if she can't respect the boundaries you lay down. When my SIL was giving birth, the doctors wouldn't even tell us (in the waiting room) what was going on until my brother gave them permission to, that's how seriously they take your privacy.

sks306

My mom will want to be in the waiting room in case I need anything. My issue is my MIL wanting to be involved too much. I have just made it clear to my husband that we will call her after the baby is born for my own sanity.

When it comes to privacy in the hospital, they have to respect who you want to be in the room with you. I work in the hospital where I will deliver and will make it clear that my coworkers do NOT get to come visit. That will just be too much to handle.