Mother In Law & Shower

jdconnolly82

Hello!

My mom is throwing me a small shower in my hometown next month. She did invite my mother-in-law and my husband's aunt, who he is really close to. I love my MiL, but she can be quite clueless and rude unknowingly. When I was talking to her on the phone the other night, she pretty bluntly told me to make sure "I" invite her in laws (she's remarried) and a grandmother that my husband has not had a relationship since he was five. My husband's family are all out of state across the country as well.

My mom sent out invitations last week, and like I said, she's keeping it small. I've been to showers that have 100 people that are overwhelming, so I appreciate she's keeping it more intimate. I know there's no invitations left as she's budgeted for a certain amount and would have to re-order more.

So here'sy concern. Am I overreacting to my mother-in-laws comment; I have nothing to do with inviting people (aren't I supposed to grateful, show up and be a wee bit surprised) but she wants my mom to make sure to invite all these extra people (MiL is not coming by the way). Secondly, what do I say to her without offending her? I think it's rather unfair that she'd assume my mom is throwing a huge celebration or that she could afford to. I really want to tell her to shut up and throw me her own shower with people from the South/Midwest while my mama covers New England. I know I will offend my mom if I tell her she "has" to invite all these other people. Ugh!!! It's stressing me out!

cwiceangel

Agree with the ladies above. She's not throwing the shower and unless your mom specifically said ask your mil if there's anyone she would like me to invite (what my mom did) then she has no right. And it's absurd to have to invite someone that there is no relationship with. I didn't invite 75% of my dads family because I have no and want no relationship with them. There are no rules or obligation.

mindala31

I'd suggest staying calm while talking to you're MiL and remember that she may just be clueless (like you said) to the formalities of a shower. Thank her for wanting to include other family members and then welcome her to throw a shower for that side of the family. It's not not uncommon at all to have a shower for "each side". Let her know logistically why your mother can't invite everyone.

harlidoo

I had a similar conversation with my mil. I finally told her if she wants to invite random family members I don't know, she can throw me a separate shower with those people. It shut her up.

somewheresublime86

My mom was pushy about adding a few random aunts that live over 1000 miles away to the invite list. One of them is a second wife that I've never actually met or spoken to.

Given the fact that they live so far away and won't actually attend, I told her that I thought she was being silly but would pass their addresses along to the hostess. I pick my battles with her and this one was just not worth it.

annapants26

Honestly, this drama is my life. Holidays, weddings, birthdays, gradations... It's exhausting. My policy is that I pass in-law shit to DH. I haven't the time or the tact. Its his family, make him have the awkward conversations. ESPECIALLY when it's an event that is meant to honor you.

jdconnolly82

Thank you ladies! That's helpful and I'm feeling better

crazychickenlady

This is exactly why the ONLY request I made in regards to our baby shower was that my mother and DH's mother each throw their own shower for their side of the family. I did not think it would have been fair for my mother to have to do all the work and bear all the financial responsibility of MIL's ever growing demands of who has to be there (nor would I ever want to subject my mom to having to throw a joint shower with my MIL). So I told MIL to throw her own.

I would just tell your MIL that you have no control over who was invited, and if she wants certain people involved, then she should consider throwing a shower.

karboss

Pretty much my problem as well. My mom passed away last year and she always threw the baby shower. My sisters have offered to throw it and asked for a list. She I sent my friends and family along with my MIL, SIL, and grandma IL. The other side is throwing a shower and asked for a list. I sent just my two sisters and asked if it would be OK to invited the 4 wives of my DHs BFFs. My DH and I both agree that they would be more comfortable with people they know rather than with my family who they don't. Grandma IL and MIL are having problems with this. Grandma wants to invite DHs aunts. She's only ONE of her other 2 daughters invited. This is going to cause a HUGE problem. This aunt is also hosting my other shower so I didn't want to seem gift grabby by inviting her. Whatever. If it solves a problem my sisters don't care so it's fine. But them MIL is pissed that the DHs BFF wives are being invited to their side and not mine because they just want a small shower. Um...so did my sisters but it grew. I gave contact info all around and told them to work it out amongst themselves. My sisters are great at handling this sort of thing so they have promised that they would take care of it and not to worry.

I would say to tell the MIL to host her own shower or to pony up the money for your mom's.

somewheresublime86

Good lord, someone needs to remind all of these MILs that the world does not revolve around them!