Feel like I dont want my baby any more.

SarahDeRome

Super depressed. NO ONE has understood my reasoning for my IDEA of a decision.
I have ALWAYS wanted a child. I've had 6 miscarriages. 6!
But now, 28 weeks pregnant, you'd think I'd be happy as can be right?
No.
I'm considering adoption.
My SO treats me like absolute crap. He was once great to me. Told me he wanted our child as much as I did.
I don't think I'll be able to raise my son because when I look at him I'll be reminded of the lie he told me that he wanted him too.
People say get over it and do what you need for your baby.
I can't live with a constant reminder.
I'm not crazy, just can't deal with things the way other people can.

Maebb

I am sorry about your previous losses.

Get help, talk to a counselor, and really think about your options. Are you still with your SO? If he treats you like crap, maybe you shouldn't be with him. Adoption is a wonderful thing - just talk to someone and make sure that's what you really want.

taahira

Firstly I'm so sorry for your losses, as I loss mama myself, I know it's heartbreaking. I would really seek some help, pregnancy can be really overwhelming. Closer to your due date, can bring up fears, concerns and reality of this life changing experience. Speak with your OB, a therapist they can help you sort through all these thoughts with you.

KatyInNH

I can't pretend to know what you're going through or can relate to how you feel in any way. I'm also 28 weeks and if my husband started treating me badly, it wouldn't change the way I feel about my baby. I'd still love and keep her and get rid of him. Parenthood is about doing what's best for your child whether you and your SO are getting along or not.

You should definitely speak to someone about your feelings- your OB, a counselor... a professional who is equipped to help you deal with these feelings.

CogDis

First off, it is strong of you to reach out for help, even if this online forum isn't the best place. Good job doing so! That already makes you a good caregiver to that child (whether you keep them or not).

Second, I think you ought to look into therapy services in your area. A good place to start would be looking into the women's shelters as they'll be a great place to direct you to appropriate services for your particular needs. I'm not saying you should look into moving into a women's shelter, just that they are incredibly knowledgable of therapy services for women. Even if you don't have a dime to spend on therapy there are services available (even if it is only over the phone) and I urge you to spend the next 10-14 weeks exploring your feelings and needs with a therapist so that when you do make a decision about the welfare of your child it is a well thought through and planned decision that you are certain of.

Giving a child up for adoption can be such a selfless gift if it truly is what you want and what is best. But it needs to be done without pressure from anyone (including your SO). Therapy will help you identify and navigate the pressures you feel to make the decision that is right for you.

Third, you mention mistreatment of yourself by your SO in your original post. Please be sure to take care of yourself and get out of the situation with your SO if it is dangerous. Violence against women sometimes peaks with pregnancies (planned and unplanned) so if there has been violence or the threat of it before then this is a dangerous time. If that is the case reach out to friends, family and women's services in your community. If you don't know how to find them most churches can direct you as well as listings in your telephone book.

Good luck lady! This too shall pass.

HaruhiChan

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I agree, getting help through counseling or therapy may be really beneficial to you.

You may feel this way now, but you don't know if that will change or stay the same once baby is here.

Either way, if your SO is treating you like crap, you may want to rethink keeping him around if he is still around.

Children grow as they're raised, for the most part. You have a lot of influence over how your son will grow up. You can teach him the morals that your SO may lack and teach him to be a better person for the next generation. Don't let the genes decide for you. Your son isn't your SO. He will be his own person.

If adoption is really the route you want to go, that's okay too. You just should carefully tread that decision and be absolutely sure that's what you want. Counseling and therapy can really help with that.

Good luck, and please know that depression sucks, but it can be managed.

PrimRoseMama

Please talk to your OB & a mental health professional about your feelings ASAP.

Whitfry

Please get some professional help. You need to talk to somebody trained to help in situations like this.

While adoption is a wonderful gift, it is not as easy as it would seem. Both parents must willingly terminate their parental rights, you don't get to make this decision for your SO. He has to agree as well, he does have rights to the child. I would hate for you to plan on an outcome that isn't realistic. So if adoption is something you're serious about, you also need to seek out legal representation.

mandi195

Your relationship with you child and with you SO are two different issues. As a woman who was pregnant and then single well before the baby got here (with my son), I know how scary and hard it can be. I was young, alone, and terrified. I couldn't imagine doing it solo. That said, I also loved and wanted my child. I chose to keep my baby, and am endlessly grateful for every day with him. I know I never would have forgiven myself if I had given him up for adoption. 

That said, every situation and person is different. I think that before you make any decisions at all, you should talk to a psychologist or therapist about what you're feeling, and make sure that you are 100% certain of your decision before you make it, because once you give a child up for adoption, that's it... there's no turning back. 

I wish you luck. 

ajacot924

I really recommend, like the other ladies, that you seek help immediately. Speak with your OB and he/she can offer some mental health resources. I suffered from depression for years and I know how much those thoughts can mess with your mind. Once you get help, you often can't believe you ever thought any of those things. Be sure to get help before those thoughts become actions that can't be undone. Good luck.

janda426

Way to waste everyone's time, OP.

These are the type of people you're catering to, XO corporation. Post threads and don't come back to read or respond to anyone.

MrsTucker2011

First change your username. It's incredibly easy to find you and a lot of info you have public.

2nd, PPs have good advice. Seek counseling ASAP.

lucylouxoxo

Always put your child first. It's not your baby's fault you picked a fucking turd. Find someone else. Get help and don't make this all about you. A small little baby could possibly be adopted bc his mother is too concerned about her damn love life. Sounds just like my mom. Please look into enlightenment and realize the bigger picture in life

Wonderland438

I echo the recommendation for some counselling - these are all big issues, and it would be helpful to have someone who is trained to help you sort it out, and just wants to see you be happy - a counselor is just the thing here.

I also wanted to just ask you to think of something - are you going to allow a jerk the power in your life to have you give up the thing you've most longed for?  Don't let him have that much power.  

lovexhp

I, too, agree you should seek some professional help. I have never lost a child, but I have had two unplanned pregnancies after my first son was born, and I love my second son more than anything just like my first and I know when my third gets here next month I will feel the same. I have issues with their dads and they were liars too. You don't need a man to raise your child!

When you lay eyes on your baby everything changes. You'll want your baby for YOU. YOU were chosen to be this childs mother.

If your baby is born, and you don't feel that way, you can have a social worker come visit you in the hospital to discuss adoption.

God bless you and I pray you make the right decision.

Bamamamma123

It sounds like due to some troubling situations in your pregnancy you may be dealing with depression. It's just as common to have depression while pregnant as after. Just talk to your doctor about maybe getting some therapy before you make any big decisions. I had severe ppocd when my first child was born if you want to talk