TTC After a Loss

Having a Hard Time - A GIF story

renegadewhitrenegadewhit member
edited January 2015 in TTC After a Loss
I've come to a decision recently that I'm having some difficulty dealing with. As many of you know, I had my test result/plan meeting with my RE last week. I knew what he was going to say - that I need to lose weight, and that he wanted me to get bariatric surgery. 
To say the least, I didn't want to do that. I've told him that before. But this time, I asked him, point blank, why I couldn't just cut calories/carbs/anything else. He said with my insulin levels as high as they are, it's highly unlikely that I'll lose weight, and my chances of getting to a healthy weight are negligible. I asked him why the surgery would change that, and he said that they're not sure exactly how it works, but that it seems to change the way your body metabolizes food.
So, in the end, I decided to acquiesce. I've done everything I can to lose weight, and I've never been successful. Ever. Like not even a little bit. So after lots of thought and talking it through with dh, I'm going to do it. 
I've started the process of getting this approved through my insurance, and it's a long, complicated process. As of right now, it looks like I won't have the surgery until May/June. The surgery is permanent, and it's a difficult and drastic transition. I know it's not going to be easy or comfortable, but I can do it.Now that I've made the decision to move forward, I'm all in, and I'm ready to do this. 

So here's the hard part. I'll be benched for awhile after surgery. According to the intro presentation from the surgeon's office, they recommend waiting 1.5-2 years, but technically I could be cleared a few months after surgery. I'll need to go back on BC, which I'm having a hard time dealing with. It seems counter intuitive to go back on BC to move forward with my TTC journey.
By going through with this surgery, I'm guaranteeing that 2015 will not be the year that I have a baby. I'll go through another anniversary, another EDD of my first loss, and another holiday season without adding to our family. I will be another year older, and I've already been told by my RE that the clock is ticking. 
So here's where I am. I know that this is the right decision. This will make me healthier, help to me conceive, help me to control my PCOS, help me to have healthier pregnancies, and hopefully help me to be a better mom one day. I'm struggling knowing that I will watch many of you moving over to PgAL, while I'm not even trying. I'm struggling knowing that I'm going to have people asking "so when are you having babies?" and I'll have to explain that we're not trying (even though that's what I want more than anything). I'm struggling with the part about consciously TTA when I technically don't HAVE to. I have the choice, and I'm making it. I'm committing to being here for awhile. TTCAL, will you have me here for the long haul?

I'll be at a new place providing support. 

Re: Having a Hard Time - A GIF story

  • I am all in for the "making yourself better" plan. I know it's sucks to have to wait. I cannot imagine the feelings and how you came to your decision, but I support you. 100%. I will keep you as long as I'm here <3 so many ((hugs)) also, like the new SN!
  • So many **hugs** lady.  It sounds like you are making the right choice for you and your husband.  Yes, it will mean waiting longer than is ideal, but you are going to be a much healthier you, and that is a great thing.
    I have so many FX for you that the ball will get rolling on this quickly and that this is what your body needs!

    We met in middle school. We got married 15 years later in a February blizzard of 2010. 
    TTC since February 2010
    Diagnosed with Lyme Disease June 2010 Diagnosed with PCOS March 2011 Diagnosed with Celiac Disease January 2013
    BFP #1: August 25th 2013 EDD May 4th 2014 SCH MC October 3rd 2013
    BFP #2: February 14th 2014 EDD October 25th 2014 CP February 17th 2014

    Naked push-up foreplay pioneer
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  • The steps you are taking to make yourself healthier is beyond commendable! Big (((((hugs))))))! I know all too well the frustration that being benched causes..... So even more ((((hugs)))) for that!
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow


  • Your health is important and getting to a better place will help you in your journey in the long run. Hugs lady.

                ***TTCAL January siggy challenge ***
  • My situation is quite different from you but I totally get many of your feelings. When you are feeling time pressure on top of having to wait for something to TTC, it is so maddening and frustrating.

    I want you to know how much I admire the decision you've made and the way in which you are handling it. I am sure it wasn't an easy one to make, but sometimes we have to take a step back before we can take 2 steps forward. Yes, your decision delays TTC, but it sounds like it gives you the best chance to be successful one day. Your path may not be the one that feels the most satisfying today, but I really hope it sets you up for a beautiful tomorrow.
  • So many HUGS for you.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow
  • So many hugs. I can certainly see why that is a hard to plan to accept even though it is the best course of action.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15


  • I'm sorry you are going through this. I know my situation is vastly different, but I can relate to the WTF feelings of going back on BCP and electing surgery that puts you on the bench. The time frame sucks, I'm sorry. So many (((hugs)))).
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow


    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.


    My Ovulation Chart
  • Sending lots of (((hugs)))
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
  • ((((Hugs)))))

    4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
    All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal

    5 IUIs = BFN

    All AL are welcome
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  • (Hugs) Oh my the Casper gif. I am sorry that you have to have a time frame of TTA, but it sounds like you are going with a plan to help your overall health. That is very important.

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks


     My Chart

  • Oh sweetie, so many *hugs*

    I think you're doing the right thing. Like Ann said, sometimes we must take a step back to go 2 steps forward. I know it's hard to go from the TTC journey to TTA but you've got this!

    It's so very overwhelming but I think after you have the surgery and begin to lose the weight, you will feel better.

    And yes, please stay here with us! :x
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 

  • Sending lots of ((hugs)).  It sounds like you are a really strong person with a lot of hard work in front of you.  We're here for you every step of the way!  
    *I am no longer regularly posting on TB because of the fucked up debacle of Jan 2015 when administrators banned long-term members and mods with no notice and completely dismantled a community full of women who cared about each other.  If you see me posting it's only to give support to a poster who needs it or to post something important enough that I need to say.  I am no longer responding to  anything other than issues that affect people who I care about*
    37 years old, MH is 42
    TTC since 2010; Dx Unexplained Infertility; possible male factor 
    August 2012 through June 2013:  6 IUIs with clomid and trigger shot, all BFNs
    7/2013, Pregnant! Unmedicated--we were on a treatment break
    8/20/13 no heart beat; 8/23/13 d&c
    3/15/14 IVF #1:  Lupron/Follistim/Menopur; ER 3/10 resulting in four transfer grade blastocysts, transferred one pretty blast and froze the remaining three. BFN. 
    Natural FET in May cancelled because the universe hates me my hormones were not cooperating.
    6/24/14 FET #1: transferred two pretty embryos; BFN   
    8/28/14 FET #2: BFP, ended in Chemical pregnancy

    Done with medical intervention and getting used to the idea of CFNBC.  

    All welcome
  • Big ((hugs)). I'm sure that was a very tough decision to make.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
  • so many ((hugs))

    Married 9/13/14


    Me: 24 / DH: 24

    BFP#1 10/15/14 - EDD 6/19/2014 - MC 10/23/14

    BFP #2: 12/18/14 - EDD: 8/31/15 - MC 1/4/14 5w6d

    **Currently Benched until TBD**

    My Chart

  • Huge ((HUGS))!!!! I'm sorry this puts your TTCAL timeline on hold. But I wish you the best as you start this process towards improving your health!
    Me: 31, DH: 30, Married July 2013
    TTC since March 2014
    BFP#1  5.17.14, EDD 1.26.15, MMC (measuring 6w3d at 8w3d), D&C 6.26.14
    BFP#2  9.19.14, EDD 5.29.15, AF on 9.23.14 CP
    BFP#3  12.17.14, EDD 8.25.15, AF on 12.21.14 CP#2

    Current plan: TTC while waiting for RPL results to come back
    Stalk my ute

  • First of all, you are a GIF genius :) 

    Second, I think you are making such a wise choice for your health and family. I know it's not an easy choice (especially the TTA part), but in the long run it will pay off. Every step you take towards getting healthy is a step towards your goal of a take-home baby. I try to remind myself of this when I feel like all I want is to be pregnant. ((hugs))

    Me: 28 MH: 28  Married10/27/2012

    TTC Baby #1

    BFP: 9/2014 EDD: 6/9/2015 MC: 10/13/2014

  • I also think you should be commended. I know it will be hard to put TTCAL and I'm sure it won't be easy or fun, but I think it's great that you are really going to commit and follow through with getting healthier. 

    I certainly wish you all the best as you start this journey— I really admire you. Know that we are all behind you and supporting you! Sending you lots of hugs! :)
    * Me: 31, DH: 33 * Married 10.16.10 * Parents of our furbaby Sophie *
    BFP: 8.28.14 | EDD 5.6.15 | MMC Discovered 9.25.14 (8 weeks)| D&C 9.30.14


    "Everybody here has got a story to tell. Everybody's been through their own hell. There's nothing too special about getting hurt, but getting over it that takes the work. Because one way or another, we all need each other. Nothing's going to turn out the way you thought it would. Friends and lovers, don't you duck and cover because everything comes out the way it should in the end." -Glen Phillips, "Duck and Cover" 

  • ((hugs)). Your health is your number one priority. TTA will be tough but we'll be here for you!
    TTC since August 2013 BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14 BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • ********PREGNANCY AND LIVING CHILD MENTIONED NOT MINE********Hi I'm new here and wanted to offer you my hugs and support. My mother had gastric bypass surgery in 2001. It really helped her and the quality of her life. It does mean changes with certain habits like eating but in the long run you will be healthier and happier for it. I just want to add a little ray of light that my mother had years of not trying to prevent but not able to conceive and the drs she seen had told her it was most likely weight issues. My mother conceived my little brother 4 years after the surgery at age 35 after an early mc with no apparent cause just one month earlier. There's 13 years difference between me and my brother but she had a healthy pregnancy with him and there was no problems with him getting nutrients as its sometimes harder after stomach surgery to absorbed the proper amounts of proteins and vitamins. She had the fobi pouch. I hope everything works out for you and I will be sending lots of prayers your way. What type of bariatric surgery were you considering?
  • @rae80407‌ thank you for your support. I'm having gastric sleeve. It hasn't been around as long as gastric bypass, but it has less risk of nutritional deficiencies since they don't do anything to the small intestine. I'll still need supplements for pregnancy, but I'm excited that pregnancy risks after gastric sleeve are less than risks of pregnancy at my current weight.
    I'll be at a new place providing support. 

  • That's great! Especially since it doesn't have the nutritional problems. My mom always had to have a protein shake. I hope everything works out for you and you have a speedy recovery. I will keep you in my thoughts!
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