One year ago today

CarolinaGirl2014

One year ago today my water broke at my best friend's house. I called A's parents, drove home, packed my bags, showered, and headed to the hospital to begin the biggest journey of my life. I can't help but cry thinking about it and my naivety, but not necessarily from sadness. I was oblivious to the next 33 hours of labor about to occur, followed by the most incredible feeling of love I didn't know my heart could feel. I knew it would hurt, but I had no idea the depth of pain I would feel in giving away my right to be this beautiful girl's Mommy as well as the overwhelming joy I feel every day to be in her life. I can't believe I played a part in giving that amazing child life. 

A is so incredibly happy, loved, and cared for. I feel honored that I also played a part in making that happen for her. Why I, of all people, was blessed with her I will never fully understand. But I thank God for it. I'm happy for the family that has grown over this week and the text A's Mom sent me saying "It is a very happy week. One year ago you brought a new life into this world and healed my broken heart. It's a week to celebrate."

Lastly, I am amazed at the healing I've felt in one year. I do grieve the loss of parenting A, but I feel joy when I think of her much, much more than anything else. My anger has been replaced by gratitude, and my loneliness with love and joy.

I know this is very AW and maybe blogish, but I wanted to post here and say thank you all. You have been a safe place for me to process and heal, and I thank you for that. Adoption is a bittersweet miracle.

Rachel7181981

A Bittersweet Miracle...love those words.  Happy Birthday to your little love!

lovelyplanet

Happy birthday to a lucky little girl whose birth mom loves her so much. 

bumpuser794640

Thank you for sharing!  I wish I knew how our BM was feeling, almost a year later.  I fear that she has too much regret to feel joy at the life B is living because of her decision.  I pray that you continue to have that joy and feel blessed to be A's BM forever.

Dr.Loretta

Awesome post!

CaptainSerious

Much love!

bookworm92

sending so much love. You have been such an amazing support through this whole process. I don't know what I would do without you. 

leisemomtobe

Thank you for posting this amazing post! Happy Birthday to A!!! 

lorifromwi

What a wonderful day!!  Happy Birthday A!  And I'm so happy for you in all of the growth you've had in the past year. It's been an honor to be able to follow along with your journey (even if I've been absent as of late)

CarolinaGirl2014

And one year ago today she was born! I remember the feeling when she was laid on my chest and immediately stopped crying when she heard my voice. I love that girl SO MUCH.

Thank you all! :x

maryoosa

Happy Birth Day to you mama. You're awesome.