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TTC After a Loss
mholmes92
member
Why does this happen to me (NTTCALR possible not loss related trigger* LC mentioned)
mholmes92
member
ok let me start off with a back story (beware this is the trigger part)
When I was younger I was child molested by a trusted adult. I'm not going to go into details because it's still rough to talk about. Any way this has caused some anxiety around men. Intoxicated men more so but men in general still make me nervous. (With the exception of SO and a few others) I NEVER go out alone and the only time I'm really ever alone is at home and occasionally at work. This I can handle because my employer has cameras that he can access from his phone so I know there is a watchful set of eyes.
Any way fast forward to today: I live in a small town where the majority of people have a drinking problem. I've learned to deal/ cope.
As I've said in my introduction my so works on an oil rig so he's gone until Tuesday. This puts me home alone with my daughter. I out of the blue get a (clearly drunk) text from my landlord being...overly friendly. He is an older man, but not too old. Maybe late 50s. I am sick to my stomach, (probably just paranoid) I don't feel safe, and I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable!
He was quite forward and it was clear that he was flirting. Maybe even looking for something more than a flirt but that is not confirmed. We only moved in in November, and it's a 6 month lease.
I don't know what to do! This man has a long term girlfriend (been together for YEARS! Why they are not married, I'm not sure but it's none of my business really) I don't want to be kicked out because of this, I don't want to give him any returning attention, but I also don't want my lack of returning attention to make my living here unbearable, Or any harder than it needs to be. I also at the same time don't want to tell my SO because he will lose his shit. I feel almost taken advantage of even though nothing happened
A lot of these feelings are similar to how I felt when above stated incident happened. I don't know what to do and in freaking out! I had a breakdown in the kitchen and I have turned off all the lights in the house. Sitting in the dark in a corner that can not be clearly seen from any windows.
I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish by posting here...but some one please help me figure out how to handle all this. Shit like this always seems to happen to me!
When I was younger I was child molested by a trusted adult. I'm not going to go into details because it's still rough to talk about. Any way this has caused some anxiety around men. Intoxicated men more so but men in general still make me nervous. (With the exception of SO and a few others) I NEVER go out alone and the only time I'm really ever alone is at home and occasionally at work. This I can handle because my employer has cameras that he can access from his phone so I know there is a watchful set of eyes.
Any way fast forward to today: I live in a small town where the majority of people have a drinking problem. I've learned to deal/ cope.
As I've said in my introduction my so works on an oil rig so he's gone until Tuesday. This puts me home alone with my daughter. I out of the blue get a (clearly drunk) text from my landlord being...overly friendly. He is an older man, but not too old. Maybe late 50s. I am sick to my stomach, (probably just paranoid) I don't feel safe, and I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable!
He was quite forward and it was clear that he was flirting. Maybe even looking for something more than a flirt but that is not confirmed. We only moved in in November, and it's a 6 month lease.
I don't know what to do! This man has a long term girlfriend (been together for YEARS! Why they are not married, I'm not sure but it's none of my business really) I don't want to be kicked out because of this, I don't want to give him any returning attention, but I also don't want my lack of returning attention to make my living here unbearable, Or any harder than it needs to be. I also at the same time don't want to tell my SO because he will lose his shit. I feel almost taken advantage of even though nothing happened
A lot of these feelings are similar to how I felt when above stated incident happened. I don't know what to do and in freaking out! I had a breakdown in the kitchen and I have turned off all the lights in the house. Sitting in the dark in a corner that can not be clearly seen from any windows.
I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish by posting here...but some one please help me figure out how to handle all this. Shit like this always seems to happen to me!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why does this happen to me (NTTCALR possible not loss related trigger* LC mentioned)
ETA: In my anger on your behalf I hit enter too soon.
I am so sorry he has made advances that make you uncomfortable. Do you have a friend who could come stay with you for a day or two so you feel more comfortable?
My Ovulation Chart
It would be harassment. You have written proof. I do think you need to set the boundary here very clearly. What exactly did he say?
My Ovulation Chart
It would be harassment. You have written proof. I do think you need to set the boundary here very clearly. What exactly did he say?
He asked what I was doing I told him I was packing for my trip, he said he was being bad (which i ignorantly thought meant he was drinking too much since had also earlier wished me a happy new year) I told him to enjoy himself but not to over do it. He told me to do the same I told him I would that I was staying in tonight with my daughter. He messaged back (after a bit) saying he needed to behave but that I was cute. I didn't respond. He texted again saying I may need to erase some of those messages. I didn't respond. He texted again asking if I had gotten his messages I said yes I did. He told me to have a good night. I told him good night. He JUST asked if I had erased the messages. I haven't responded. I don't know WHAT to do again. My friend still isn't here!!!
My Ovulation Chart
@PetraStonegirl I'm so thankful we have you on our side. You are amazing!
Were I in your position, I would consider telling my other half about it. I know my husband would want to know that I was put job a very difficult position like that.
As one person who has experienced violence to another, I really strongly recommend taking up Petra's suggestion of self defence training. It really does help take the power back.
PCOS, EDS III, low progesterone. Six early losses (5-8 weeks,) 1 twin loss. Surprise natural BFP 2014-12-17 Ectopic dx and MTX 2015-01-02.
Hopefully, you feel better this morning after a rough night.
I think a simple "please do not text me other than about apartment related issues" should be sufficient at this point (if I really got what your conversation was about--if not, sorry!). It shows him that what he did was unwelcome without being inflammatory. If it happens again, bring out Petra's big gun. I do think you need to mention it to your husband, but in such a way that he is aware but doesn't get super angry, if possible.
Also, I assume there are few services there, but if you haven't seen a therapist and there is a decent one around, I think it would be helpful. And yes to self-defense classes if they have them. You shouldn't have to live in fear. I'm glad you came here for support--you aren't alone in all of this.
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!
I have a feeling I would lean towards being non confrontational but Petra is so very right and gave such good advice. After hearing her advice, I would take it.
I don't think you will feel comfortable staying there and although it may not be convenient to terminate the lease you have to think of your well being and sanity.
*hugs*
You need to see exactly what your rights are and what you need to do to protect them. I do not know of a single state that would look at you responding by text as an appropriate way to preserve your legal rights. Not saying one doesn't exist but responding appropriately is important. Petra is on point about sending a certified letter. Your response needs to be in writing and it needs to reiterate what your rights are under your landlord/tenant rights law.
He did you a favor by texting you because it is in writing. Make sure to save those texts so you have a record of it. You do not want this to turn into a he-said-she-said.
Tell your SO. Imagine how he will feel when he finds out from someone else or if the harassing behavior continues. Also, move. This will never get better. The fact that he even thought he could text a tenant says something let alone what he texted you about.
Finally, and I am saying this as nice as possible - this is a reminder that we do not talk about LCs on this board. You have mentioned your daughter twice now without a warning and in both instances she did not need to be mentioned at all. Just a reminder since reading that you have a LC at home could be hard on other women on this board.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise