any stepmoms expecting their first?

NEENT10

I am! I am nervous about my husband's reaction , the kids reaction. I know I'll be so in love with this baby and already am. How will this look to the rest of the children and my husband. What are your thoughts and feelings?

musictchr25

NEENT10 said:

I am! I am nervous about my husband's reaction , the kids reaction. I know I'll be so in love with this baby and already am. How will this look to the rest of the children and my husband. What are your thoughts and feelings?

Wait. You're in your second trimester and you haven't told your husband that you're pregnant?

Katerina&Baby

Wait - your husband doesn't know you're pregnant yet? I think that's a little odd but to each their own I guess. Not quite sure why you are concerned with how "this will look" to your DH - is this a situation where he told you he didn't want any more kids and you're afraid that he will think that you got pregnant on purpose?

As long as you have a good relationship with your stepkids, I would expect them to be pretty pumped about having another sibling. I would make an extra effort to include them in planning things like the nursery or ask for suggestions with names (you and DH don't have to use them) to help them feel like they are a part of this and alleviate any worries that they will get swept aside.

willowprincess

pcrunk said:

I'm really confused..

Same here.

Katerina&Baby

Hold the phone - back in September you had a post about how he didn't believe it was true and was struggling to be more supportive (and that you guys were trying to conceive for one month) - so obviously you already told him. Please come back and clarify.

angielayne926

Katerina&Baby said:

Hold the phone - back in September you had a post about how he didn't believe it was true and was struggling to be more supportive (and that you guys were trying to conceive for one month) - so obviously you already told him. Please come back and clarify.

I just went and looked at her post history too....something doesn't add up.  

Maybe she means his reaction to his kids' reaction?  

finchfeeder80

I kind of side eyed this whole thing, because there's been some questionable posting here before. Couple of heart rate OWT posts (one that went all drama llama-y) and some general oddity. I kinda feel like we're getting played here.

matiekae

She has to mean more along the lines of how her loved ones will react to having a new family member around... right, OP?

katier29

I'm a step mom, which I honestly don't enjoy being one. My step daughter is older and has no interest in being nice, or being apart of her father's life. This baby has been a whole new experience for us, this is my first and this will be DH'S first where he is allowed to be involved and is excited. He was young when he had his daughter and wasn't allowed to take part in most of things in her life or enjoy them due to dramatic family members. This little boy is the light of our world right now and couldn't be more excited.

momtobeobrien

Have been in my step son's lives for the past 5 years, they are now 6 and 9. They are not that excited as they are worried their lives are going to change (they dont want to lose their dads attention) which we have talked to them time and time again that would not ever happened . They are coming around d though DH is really excited!

Katerina&Baby

Okay - it's been over 12 hours and OP still hasn't come back and clarified even after people openly questioned whether or not this was BS (if it were true, you would think OP would jump at the chance to set the record straight). I officially call Catfish on this one.

kris10anselmi

Not sure what this post is really about but im excited to talk about my stepson. He is 9 years old and beyond excited about being a big brother. In fact sometimes I can doze off on the couch and I will wake up with his little hand on my stomach. He is convinced it will be a girl. He has communicative autism and has not had the easiest time making friends because most children his age don't understand. I know he is excited to have a life long friend. I'm excited for him too

staceyfern

periwinkledaydreams said:

Aw I came here all excited to talk about my stepson! He's 10 and already has a 5 year old sister (not my SOs daughter..) and is convinced the baby is a boy. I'm excited for him to have another sibling either way. I never imagined I'd have step children before I had my own children, but then again I never imagined most of my life would go the way it has!!! I had to remind my SO early on that even though he's been through this before, I have not and WE have not, and that this is a different experience so please try to be present with me as this is ALL new to me!! I only had to remind him once lol.

OP please come back and clear the mystery!! Or not.. either way, thanks for the fun topic. Any other step moms and first time birth moms??

I got so excited when I saw the topic as well. I have a ten year old stepson who has a three year old and a one year old sister at his moms house. The night we were going to start trying was the day I found out the ex was preggo with the second one. I remember being so upset thinking that my stepson was going to be miserable when we would have to tell him about us. It was a challenging time. It turns out though that it took a while for us and by the time we told him he was excited and ready for one at our house- thought he did make sure to tell us he was hoping for a brother.

NEENT10

Wow! Guys, I am soo sorry I left you hanging. I was away for the weekend and the holidays were nuts. I honestly haven't thought about the bump for a few days. I appreciate all of your posts though! I realize that my Original post wasn't clear. They ALL know about the baby. I really meant how the newness of the baby and all the attention the baby gets will affect/effect (I never get it right) them. The middle step child is a major jelly belly and attention seeker so I'm worried how this will change things between us and then in addition change things feelings for my husband. Yikes. Not a troll, not a liar. I'm sorry. I know it looked weird.

brynne11544

This is my second but I am also a stepmom. With our first we made sure my stepson was as included as he wanted to be. He came to ultrasounds, got to announce the gender to our family, ect. When we had the baby, we made sure he was the first one in the room with just the 4 of us. That way he got that one on one bonding without all the craziness of the other family doting on the new baby.

NEENT10

That is great to hear. I think my husband is more concerned which makes me more concerned. I think he so badly wants a "traditional" family for them and has feelings of guilt maybe??? He wants me to be "mom" and wants all things to be equal. I love the kids but I KNOW that this baby will be different for me and that is scary. I'm afraid I won't be good at pretending that my love is equal and the same. (Am I horrible for saying this?)

brynne11544

No the love is different. I will be honest about that and people can bash me all they want but unless you've been in my shoes you can't judge me. The love for your own child, one you carried for 9 months, gave birth to, ect is so much different than any love I can ever explain. I don't think it makes me a bad person to say that it's just the truth.

brynne11544

It's really challenging at times. My husband and I have got in a few arguments about it but I have told him he can't make that call because they are both his biological sons. After I said that it hasn't happened again. It is a balance I work on every time he is here because I do love my stepson but like I said it is a different love.

NEENT10

My husband's ex told me this same thing. She said, you know your love for this baby will be the strongest love you have ever felt and that will be different than the love you have for these kids. She said, that's ok. I think it makes sense because they know the love for their mother trumps their love for me so I think they will get it. Especially the older two. They are 5,9,11. I don't bash you. I love them because of who their dad is. I didn't love them first and then love their dad. I loved him first and then accepted them. It's not horrible it's the truth.

NEENT10

Trust me I will still do everything I can to make sure they feel loved and included.

devyns2nd

I'm pretty positive she means the reaction after birth. I have five step children (all 13+) and I too am worried about their reactions to me interacting with the new baby. I'm afraid they will think I love the baby more. Soooo she isn't a troll. She was asking a legit question.

NEENT10

You got that right! That's exactly what I was intending. Thank you for your response