Baby shower drama

annabrown13

ok so this may be 1/2 hormones but I'm feeling kinda down about my baby shower invit list, my step mom offered to throw me a baby shower which is a huge deal for me because my mom moved out of state and it just really ment a lot to me.... Anyways I ask her today when I should plan on sending the invitations out and she asked how meny ppl I was planning on inviting so I made my list and it came out to a total of 22, keep in mind they have a huge home, and most of my list is family, so I told her I could cut it down to 15 which leaves only family and VERY close family friends that I have grown up with my entire life, which is fine, but then starts adding HER friends to the list saying we can't leave them out because it would hurt their feelings and blah blah blah...... So what I'm not getting is I have to exclude my friends to my baby shower so her friends can come? I just don't see how this is fair? Don't get me wrong I appreciate the fact she wants to be apart of everything and throw the shower but I hate that it has to be this way :-/ and I don't have any where else to throw the shower or I would..... Any advice or anyone else dealing with this???

mandi195

Um...Be grateful for what has been offered to you, and get over it.

Whitfry

Did she actually ASK you to cut down your list, or did you just offer out of the blue? From the tone of your post, it sounds like she graciously offered to host. And then asked for a head count, at which point you spazzed out about numbers and cut your list.

I have a feeling you are leaving out some pertinent information somewhere.

DragonflyDreaming

I agree with Whitfry. The wording you use seems like you chose to cut down your list.

It's so wonderful and generous of her to host in the first place. I hope you keep that at the for-front of your mind.

Edit: And the whole line of 'I don't have anywhere else to throw the shower or I would' has me side-eyeing you, like crazy.

DragonflyDreaming

annabrown13 said:

ok so this may be 1/2 hormones but I'm feeling kinda down about my baby shower invit list, my step mom offered to throw me a baby shower which is a huge deal for me because my mom moved out of state and it just really ment a lot to me.... Anyways I ask her today when I should plan on sending the invitations out and she asked how meny ppl I was planning on inviting so I made my list and it came out to a total of 22, keep in mind they have a huge home, and most of my list is family, so I told her I could cut it down to 15 which leaves only family and VERY close family friends that I have grown up with my entire life, which is fine, but then starts adding HER friends to the list saying we can't leave them out because it would hurt their feelings and blah blah blah...... So what I'm not getting is I have to exclude my friends to my baby shower so her friends can come? I just don't see how this is fair? Don't get me wrong I appreciate the fact she wants to be apart of everything and throw the shower but I hate that it has to be this way :-/ and I don't have any where else to throw the shower or I would..... Any advice or anyone else dealing with this???

QFP

janda426

Why are you sending out invites? That is the hosts job. You aren't supposed to do anything besides show up...

kmvisioli

Sounds to me like she's excited to be a grandparent and wants to celebrate with some of her friends, too. I would give her your whole list, unless she specifically asks you to cut it down or gives you maximum number of invitees.

ETA: my mom invited some of her friends to my shower, because she wanted a couple people to be excited with. It was no big deal, everyone had fun.

ngolimento

OK, I will give you two answers, depending on which scenario you are actually talking about:

Scenario 1: she told you only 15 people can come, and is forcing your close family and friends off the list. If that's the case, you are always free to graciously decline a shower. Or you can suck it up (disappointing, yes, but not the end of the universe).

Scenario 2: you randomly got a hair up your butt about keeping the list small, and she's adding on left and right. If this is the case, just close your mouth, sit down, and be grateful. Your 'ideal' small party isn't that important. Let the poor woman invite people to her own house that she wants there.

mamajack86

I too agree that we're missing part of your story.
As far as sending your own invites, it's definetly not your job. When my sister threw me a shower she did ask me to give her the guest list/mailing addresses (I'm an organization freak with an excel printable file making it super easy to print & address invites etc.) I didn't say "oh it's not my job" but it was the least I could do (not sure if that's side eye worthy).

Adele 1981

My step mom threw my baby shower (for my first) and invited some of her friends. It was super fun. Not sure what the issue is.

annabrown13

Sorry it was late when I was writing and left out a part, yes she asked me to cut the list stating it was to many people which yes I can agree 22 people is a lot and I would have been ok with it if she hadn't followed it up with a list of her friends that out number the original 22 then today asked me to cut more people off the list because they are family from my moms side of the family and the reason I can't throw the party anywhere else is because I live in an apartment and its to cold to have it out sidw

Whitfry

annabrown13 said:

Sorry it was late when I was writing and left out a part, yes she asked me to cut the list stating it was to many people which yes I can agree 22 people is a lot and I would have been ok with it if she hadn't followed it up with a list of her friends that out number the original 22 then today asked me to cut more people off the list because they are family from my moms side of the family and the reason I can't throw the party anywhere else is because I live in an apartment and its to cold to have it out sidw

I can understand why you're feeling upset. It seems to me that at this point, you have a few options. You could do as she asks and cut your list down further. You could talk to her honestly about how this whole situation is making you feel and see if the two of you can reach some kind of mutual agreement. Or you can decide not to have her host your shower and graciously decline. In the long run, you just have to decide what you're okay with and what you're not okay with. But I'd make a decision you can live with. It's a gesture of kindness and a gift to offer to host a baby shower for someone, and she is being generous for doing it. So keep that in mind when/if you approach her. 

If you decide not to have her host your shower, please do NOT throw your own shower. That would be inappropriate. 

janda426

The reason YOU can't throw the party is because you cannot throw a baby shower for yourself period, whether or not you have a location in mind.

It does sound like she's being obnoxious but unfortunately when she's the only one offering to host the shower it's her way or the highway. You can either do as she asks, or don't and see what comes of it. You can also tell her never mind to the whole thing.

mangomimosa

Yeah I'd be a little sad -- IMO if I offer to host a shower, the # of guests is my call but WHO those people are is the bride/mom-to-be's decision. (I'd reserve the right to veto if it was someone I didn't feel safe around or something weird like that.) BUT, clearly your step mom wants this party not just for you, but to show off her grand baby-to-be to her friends. She's probably been talking about the baby to everyone at her office or wherever, and they're all excited and just want to go to a baby shower. I do think that's silly, but unfortunately all you can do is accept or decline the shower.

You could have an honest discussion with her, but I think that is tough since she's offering to throw you a party. I would feel too awkward pushing very far on that & I would just end up going with the flow. In the end, it's a party! Maybe you'll have a 2nd shower thrown by some friends.

Mic512

I would give your mom a heads up that stepmom plans to exclude her family from the shower - that way no one is surprised & they have the opportunity to throw a separate shower if they want to. I would try to have a nice conversation with her, I am sure she wants to invite her friends but ask her if she can accommodate more of your people since it's important to you that certain people be there.