Do you keep babies up past bedtime? (And do you regret it?)

zazu13

I have twin girls who are very happy and easy going. I attribute this partly to them being good nighttime sleepers (6:30a-6:30p) and nappers (two 1.5 hr naps) and DH and I being religious about keeping their nap/bedtime schedule. Other people act like we are totally inflexible and going overboard. A few examples: we left Christmas celebrations at 6pm to have them in bed by 6:30 to our family's protest. Tomorrow IL's want us to join them for dinner at a restaurant, but we said we only can if we can find a sitter since it will be past the babies' bedtime. They wonder why we can't just bring them with. IL's have stopped by to see the girls at 7pm twice in the past two weeks and we said, sorry they're already in bed.  They acted surprised. The few times we have deviated from their schedule and tried to keep them up it seems that it takes days to get them happy and back on schedule again, so it's just not worth it to me, but maybe I'm teaching them to be "inflexible." As an adult I'm pretty dependent on regular, good night's sleep so maybe they come by it rightly.

 

I think it is a relatively short period of time that we will be "slaves" to their sleep schedule and someday we will be wishing they'd go to bed that early again or take so many naps so cutting our social plans short does not bother me, but I'm curious what everyone else does? Do you keep your babies up (or miss naps) to spend time with family or do other social things? 

edoliesmom

We miss naps/stretch out times between naps more than staying out late. I don't like doing it and am made to feel like it shouldn't be a big deal if it happens. We stopped staying out late once she started wanting to go to bed earlier.

UnofficiallyLO

We have an 'in the car by 7' policy otherwise he melts down on the way home and SOs family is great about respecting and scheduling around that. We stayed out late for a wedding once but otherwise not since he was younger and had no bed time routine.

penguinjenny

You mentioned you've tried having them stay up later in the past and it didn't go well. I think you have your answer. With twins having them on a schedule is crucial for parental sanity. If your daughters thrive on scheduled sleep then just keep doing what's working great for you.

I'm in the flexible sleep camp but I only have one. For Christmas LO had to be flexible and she did fine. She napped in the car while we drove to and from different things. I tried to get her to nap more since I knew she was going to have to be up later than normal which didn't always work. If she started getting fussy/eye rubbing we said "goodnight" and left. I could tell that by night 3 the unpredictability was taking a toll. It did not help we were staying in a hotel. She's definitely happy to be home and back on her schedule.

Also I'm side-eyeing your ILs for stopping by after bedtime and being surprised that the twins are asleep. Do they think you're lying about the twins bedtime and are just trying to bail on family events early?

Teresa1896

Unfortunately, I have to be flexible with naps and bedtime much more than I'd like. Having 2 kids now, there are times when we have to be out and about when LO would usually be napping (appts, sister's soccer games, etc). Because LO goes to bed at 6:30 he got to bed late every night during the past week, and he woke up more during the night, with naps being shitty as well. I try to point out to others when he goes to bed, but if we're out or at the ILs' and its 6 and they haven't served dinner yet, it's inevitable he will go to bed late.

Which pisses me off. Duh, you know we have a baby. Could you not bump up dinner time a bit so we don't end up with a monster overnight? Of course it only inconveniences me so what's the big deal?! [-(

ETA: I don't expect the world to change to accommodate my family's needs. But I do expect close family to be a bit more cognizant of it, and not be shocked that I'm rushing to get home in time for bed (which usually means an hour+ late).

snowbound

I mess with naps a bit even though I'd rather not. We have to travel out of state if we want to visit family, which causes a huge mess so I (very) loosely follow his schedules. He's an incredibly poor sleeper when we travel as is so I see no point in trying to keep a strict schedule and family gives two shits about it. It's usually a few days of sleep hell and then I can get him back in track.

*sparky*

There is not a chance I would attempt to take twins out to a restaurant past their bedtime. That would not be an enjoyable experience for anyone.

DD's naps are screwy sometimes, because we have to be on the go with my older DS, but bedtime is sacred. The only exception was Christmas Eve which is a huge gathering of my entire family at my dad's house. We left earlier than normal but it was still about an hour past bedtime.

This LO does not fall asleep in the car so keeping her out late and letting her pass out on the ride home does not happen. She was pitching a fit by the time we got to the house.

momofmanyinthemitten

None of my kids were/are good at sleeping anywhere but their own beds, although LO will nap in the ergo occasionally. I consider nap time and bedtime sacred and try to always be home for them. Last night, LO was overtired by her normal bedtime and had a horrible night. With 3 little kids, I find that bedtime routine is crucial.

hlm184

I will sometimes mess with naps.  Bedtime much more rarely.  We messed with it yesterday to allow us to see a good friend one last time before we move, but even then we only did it because the place we were going was babyfriendly.  However, messing with these things only earns me a fussy baby for a few hours.  If it had worse consequences, I'd be different.

rtv3

Ooopsbaby14 said:

I'll mess with naps but bedtime is bedtime. It's rare that she's up much after 7:00pm. I'd rather be inflexible than hang out with a crabby baby...or 2!

This. DH's family thinks I'm crazy, but thankfully DH backs me up :-)

ETA: For naps, her morning one I try to stay home for, but the rest of the day she naps on the go since her other naps are inconsistent anyways.

chichi589

We aren't flexible for the baby or the 2yr old. Both don't do well after bedtime it's miserable for everyone. We are pretty strict on bedtime but ours is around 8-8:30 for both kids so it's slightly easier.

Talltrees82

I mess with his afternoon nap every now and then, but usually I still time it so he sleeps in the stroller or car. I really try not to mess with bedtime (7:30-8:00). We bailed on two events before dessert was served. The second one was over an hour drive away and I thought that LO would sleep in the car and we would just transfer him to the crib, but in the end we ended up fighting him to go down until 11pm. Many tears were shed by both of us! I'm so glad we're home for NYE.

Dixon813

We have a very flexible nap schedule right now but a firm, 7pm bedtime. We will stay out past his bedtime for special occasions. But we like to have him in bed (or in car seat) between 7-7:30 so his schedule isn't too bad.

I think it'll be easier to be flexible when they're older. My DSS (8) has a very firm bedtime, but does fine when we're out/up past his bedtime.

Teresa1896

I was waiting for Lala to chime in. I already responded but basically... What she said! :-)

cjpell0

DS is a horrible sleeper to begin with, but we try not to mess with his bedtime. On Christmas, we did stay out until 10 and he was happy as a clam the entire time. It didn't make going to bed worse (because really, it can't get much worse). Generally though, we try to make everyone understand how important it is he's in bed no later than 7

Dahlia414

Do what works for you! We just roll with whatever and plan sleep around it. My sister, however, has her kid on a very strict schedule because it takes her days to recover when it's messed up.

BuggasMom

First of all twins are a whole different beast of its own . Keeping 2 kids happy or risking a schedule ruined and waking the other is x2 so I am just going to say your un-flexibility it's totally valid!

As for me I have always been pretty flexible with my kids I listen to their ques to avoid melt downs. but I have also conditioned my children to sleep well anywhere and I plan for nights out. So ... For instance if I was at family party I would have brought my pack and play and laid baby down at "bedtime" in a room and stayed till the party was over . I have a 4 year old and pulling her away early from her cousins would crush her. So I have learned to adapt.

bootsiebabe

I would not stray from my schedule.  DS is very similar - a good night time sleeper, and okay napper, and generally happy.  If we stay up past bedtime, shit hits the fan.  He's up at like 3:30 am for the day and like you said, takes a few days to get back to "normal."  It is so hard to always be the one to say no, but I say stick to your guns! 

zazu13

penguinjenny said:  Also I'm side-eyeing your ILs for stopping by after bedtime and being surprised that the twins are asleep. Do they think you're lying about the twins bedtime and are just trying to bail on family events early?

LOL! Side eye away! I don't think they are actually checking up on us, but I don't think they really listen when we tell them things. We live close by (3 miles) so we usually visit pretty regularly, but we had sick kids for a few weeks and didn't go over there so they wanted to see us. My DH says his mom has "grandma-itis" meaning that even though she successfully raised eight (yes 8!) babies she has completely forgotten what it's like to have one. 

Thanks for your validation, girls. I sent my DH to the dinner tonight alone (he really wanted to go since several siblings were going) and we will plan a daytime visit with the girls during the day on a weekend. Our sleep / nap schedule will remain sacred. 

hordol

On a typical day we try to stick to his routine, but for holidays or special events we do keep him up later. He went all of Christmas Day not sleeping because it's so hard to get him to sleep anywhere other than home in the crib (believe me, we tried but he just would not cooperate.) we are going to a NYE party tonight and obviously will not be staying super late, but will be out past his bedtime (which is 6:15-6:30ish).

My kid is a crap sleeper and sticking religiously to or deviating from his routine doesn't change much, so there's that.