Fear of losing your newborn ~ Am I the only one??

hrtbird3

First of all, I should say that about a month and a half before my LO was born, I lost my dad suddenly. He passed from a serious bacterial infection. Fortunately once LO came, things got so much better. I mean, how could I not be happy and thankful for what I do have?

Recently though, I've noticed I have an EXTREME fear of losing my baby. To SIDS, an illness, or even a car accident. I play through horrible scenarios in my mind almost as if I'm preparing to lose him. I feel like in some ways, things are too good to be true. I hate saying that because I want to be able to just accept my happiness without fear. I know all moms worry but I'm wondering if what I'm experiencing is just the common new parent paranoia or something more (possibly having to do with the recent loss of my dad).

So am I alone in this, or is this something that some of you are also dealing with?

leela02

You're not alone. I have that "too good to be true" feeling too, mostly based on the sudden death of a really close relative at a very young age. I'm also terrified of SIDS 'cause no one knows what causes it. I wouldn't say I feel extreme fear since most of the time I'm not worried, but if I felt really anxious I would definitely look for a professional therapist or counselor. You don't have to deal with these fears alone, so please get help even if it's just to have someone to talk to.

hrtbird3

@somerandomchick I have never heard of PPA, I'll definitely look into that and talk with my Midwife and OB.

@leela02 I think I'm even more anxious because right now he has his first cold and it sucks not being able to do anything about it (besides saline drops and a humidifier). Hopefully it passes quickly.

PrimRoseMama

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. My son was 2 months old when my Dad passed after a stroke. The experience created some serious anxiety for me about everyone in my life. You are not alone.

It helped me to talk to a therapist about my sudden loss & very real fears. It's been a process, and some days are still harder than others.

The fear of loss can be paralyzing. I'm sorry you are going through this on top of the new mom emotional roller coaster.

leela02

hrtbird3 said:

@leela02 I think I'm even more anxious because right now he has his first cold and it sucks not being able to do anything about it (besides saline drops and a humidifier). Hopefully it passes quickly.

My DD also had her first cold recently. I was worried that she might have an ear infection, but it turned out that it was just a cold and she was just miserable from being stuffy. I had her sleep next to our bed for my peace of mind (usually she sleeps fine in her room). Our pedi said colds can last 1-2 weeks but should get better gradually. Just keep an eye on him and get him checked if he develops any new/worse symptoms.

Jennyc00

I'm in the same boat. I've had anxiety for years and don't take meds because of side effects. I would def encourage you to try a med if your dr thinks it would benefit you. They helped me a lot. I worry that if something happened to lo I would just completely lose it and could no longer function. A few days ago I had continuous nightmares lo drown in the bathtub. It was awful!!! I'm sorry your going through this. See someone for some help!

byrne15

You are not alone.  I have always been somewhat of an anxious person.  It got much worse after my 1st child was born (7 years ago).  I have such a strong fear that something awful will happen to the kids.  I don't take any meds., but I have a friend who is a therapist that I will sometimes call to just talk with.  I think part of the problem is that I am so happy with my life that I feel something will go wrong because of how lucky I have been so far.

Anyway, sorry I'm not much help.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

GirPipley

Lurking from 2nd tri...

You got great advice from @somerandomchick, but I wanted to get back up what she said.

After my DD was born 4 years ago, I developed irrational fears about her safety. I couldn't sleep b/c I was staring at her breathing, I couldn't shower, b/c I KNEW she would stop breathing if I wasn't next to her. When I closed my eyes, I could see the words in her obituary, I could hear songs at her funeral. I wasn't able to let my sister hold her, b/c I KNEW my sister would drop her. It was awful, I knew it wasn't normal, but I didn't know how to stop it.

I talked to my mom and my friends, and everyone kept telling me that it was just new mom jitters and it would pass. I promise you, it was not jitters, in my head, she was dying. period.

I talked to my OB around 2 weeks PP and she gave me a questioner for PP depression, and after I filled it out, she said I didn't have PPD. So I went home.

At 4 weeks, I had a serious panic attack and ended up in the ER, where they finally diagnosed me with PPA. I was put on meds that night, and refereed to a psychiatrist who specialized in PPA/PPD. They did a combination of Adderal (to help curb some OCD behaviors) and Welbutrin, and I can not tell you how much it changed my life, and obviously my DD's life. 

4 years later, I am still struggling with the anxiety, and still taking the meds. I stopped taking the adderal when I found out I was pregnant, but after a horrible panic attack this past Saturday (my first in 4 years) I am taking it again, and feeling MUCH better.

PLEASE ASK FOR HELP! You should be enjoying the first months of your new baby, you deserve to be free of this pain and anxiety. Talk to your OB, find a good psychiatrist, and therapist. Don't give up until you feel better. I saw at least 5 psychiatrists before I found one I clicked with.

I am so sorry for the loss of your father, I wish you peace and recovery.

Please feel free to PM me.

Edit: typo