Pregnant by surprise - but what if you've never felt like you want children?

jbshorty10

My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers - now 15 years later, we have been married for 5 years, and I have never felt the "pull" to be a mother like every other woman I know has had.  Fast forward, and two days ago, I found out I was pregnant.  I don't like other people's kids - I am however, a huge animal person - and don't feel like I really have the desire to be a mother.  I have been more upset about this than happy.  Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Is it possible to not like other kids, not want to be a mother, but to end up loving your own child and actually seeing this as a blessing in disguise once you have the child?  Everyone I talk to and know have said they always had the desire to be a mother.  Please help!! 

divinemsbee

While I do desperately want to be a mother, I'm not great with kids and there are very few I like. I'm actually incredibly awkward with a lot of kids and I always feel like I'm going to break babies. As cliche as it is, I do think it's, to a degree, different when it's your own. I have friends who are parents who love their own kids but definitely don't want to be around other people's kids all the time.

Shelby1711

I'm in the same boat! I have no desire to be a mother. I am fine with being an auntie, as my whole family has kids. I wanted to open a rescue shelter, which I still hope to do eventually. But I am now 6 weeks along. I cried for over an hour in the bathroom before I came out to tell my husband. This is the second time my birth control has failed. I miscarried the first time at this stage from the stress I put myself through. At this point, I still don't want to go through this, but I can't fathom doing anything about it. As much as I hated the idea of being pregnant before, I was destroyed when I miscarried. So here we go.

DorkyMama

Plenty of PPs have told you great personal stories of how it's possible because yes, it definitely is. But, you do have to ask yourself if you are just scared, or if you'd prefer to live child-free.

I have three people in my life (two friends, who are married to each other, and my cousin, who is married to his wife) who are wholeheartedly child-free. It isn't that they'd feel scared of being a bad parent, or scared of what pregnancy will be like, or scared of giving birth; for them, deep down inside to their core, they truly truly never want to have a child in their life. Ever.

My two friends who are married both got their respective tubes tied while they were dating (they were both under the age of 26 at the time) because they were so hell-bent against having kids. My cousin has his vasectomy scheduled for next month and his wife is keeping her IUD in. If one of them were to have suddenly gotten surprise-pregnant, they wouldn't be scared - they'd be pissed off and abort immediately, without hesitation.

So, you have to ask yourself: are you just nervous/scared about the uncertainty of it all, or do you truly see your life better without a child in it? Neither answer is wrong.

koyangi87

Shelby1711 said:

I'm in the same boat! I have no desire to be a mother. I am fine with being an auntie, as my whole family has kids. I wanted to open a rescue shelter, which I still hope to do eventually. But I am now 6 weeks along. I cried for over an hour in the bathroom before I came out to tell my husband. This is the second time my birth control has failed. I miscarried the first time at this stage from the stress I put myself through. At this point, I still don't want to go through this, but I can't fathom doing anything about it. As much as I hated the idea of being pregnant before, I was destroyed when I miscarried. So here we go.

So so grateful for this thread. I never wanted kids, I love my dogs and cats, I love my niece and nephews but I never wanted my own. I wanted lots of land and to open up a kennel/shelter. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and I cried for days. Logic is telling me I'll love my kid same as any mother, but I still daydream about turning back time. I've been careful to quit drinking, smoking, started taking my vitamins etc. because I realize this child is going to be here because of me and yes, I'm fully responsible. My boyfriend and best friend are beyond excited. I feel like a horrible person because I'm not. I don't want this, and I'm trying to get excited, but no luck so far. There's so much I wanted to do that didn't involve having kids, and I'm scared I'm going to resent my child. Then again, I'm not showing at all so my only feeling of hey i'm pregnant is the constant nausea and mild cramping and heightened sense of smell and taste. Maybe it'll change when I have my first ultrasound or when I start feeling the baby.

ipumpkin

koyangi87 said:

Shelby1711 said:

I'm in the same boat! I have no desire to be a mother. I am fine with being an auntie, as my whole family has kids. I wanted to open a rescue shelter, which I still hope to do eventually. But I am now 6 weeks along. I cried for over an hour in the bathroom before I came out to tell my husband. This is the second time my birth control has failed. I miscarried the first time at this stage from the stress I put myself through. At this point, I still don't want to go through this, but I can't fathom doing anything about it. As much as I hated the idea of being pregnant before, I was destroyed when I miscarried. So here we go.

So so grateful for this thread. I never wanted kids, I love my dogs and cats, I love my niece and nephews but I never wanted my own. I wanted lots of land and to open up a kennel/shelter. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and I cried for days. Logic is telling me I'll love my kid same as any mother, but I still daydream about turning back time. I've been careful to quit drinking, smoking, started taking my vitamins etc. because I realize this child is going to be here because of me and yes, I'm fully responsible. My boyfriend and best friend are beyond excited. I feel like a horrible person because I'm not. I don't want this, and I'm trying to get excited, but no luck so far. There's so much I wanted to do that didn't involve having kids, and I'm scared I'm going to resent my child. Then again, I'm not showing at all so my only feeling of hey i'm pregnant is the constant nausea and mild cramping and heightened sense of smell and taste. Maybe it'll change when I have my first ultrasound or when I start feeling the baby.

Everything changed for me when I got my first U/S.  It wasn't real until I saw it bouncing and jumping around in there.

rvaughan1980

I know exactly how you feel. I am currently contemplating whether or not to continue with my pregnancy. Never felt maternal or any desire for children. I have family and friends pulling me in every direction. I feel like I should be ecstatic but can only be uber sad and confused.

[Deleted User]

I was always the person that said they would never have children. I never wanted them. I was never around them, and didn't really care for them. I hear them whining, and I cringe. I don't even have pets aside ONE Betta fish that fits into my life perfectly. When I found out I was pregnant almost a month ago (time flies), I felt like my heart was broken. I was way more upset than my other half was. I don't know... for some reason I knew I wanted to keep it as terrified as I was...and still am. I immediately quit smoking and changed up some of my routines. I'm starting to feel like it's possible. Like I might be good at this.

Now when I finally let the cat out of the bag, their reactions will probably be greater than mine, lol.