How to announce pregnancy with a gossipy in-law without them spilling the beans!

amj0613

Hi!  My husband and I are trying to conceive!  Since it is our first, I love to sit and think about ways to surprise the family with our announcement.  However, whenever I get to my husband's family, my in-laws, I worry.  My father-in-law is the biggest gossip I know.  He blabs people's ear off anyway, but when he has something big he can't sit on it for even 5 minutes.  It drives me crazy as it is, but I'm worried he will ruin the ability to tell our friends and family ourselves without him getting to them first.  I think about telling him "just don't say anything" but I honestly don't think he's capable of it.  He will "accidentally" tell or he will go behind our back and not tell us.  I would say yes, it could be because he's excited, but in all honesty because I know he's such a gossip now, I think I may take it the wrong way later and get very upset.  I feel that it is our news to share, not his.  I also don't think we could tell him early like we could my family, because of the gossiping.  If someone finds out and then we have a miscarriage, I also don't want my miscarriage to be talked about as gossip.  That would be something I want to keep between my husband and myself.  

Does anyone have tips on what to do?  My husband suggested that we just tell them last.  He said if they get upset we are just openly tell them the reasons I mentioned before.  Do you think this is OK to do?  Also I love hearing the cute and unique ideas people come up with for announcing their pregnancy!!  Feel free to share!  

Thank you! 

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Helenahhandbasket

Don't tell your FIL until you are ready for eveyone to know then?  Seems simple.

This is an odd post.

PrimRoseMama

Don't tell them until you tell everyone else. Don't make it complicated.

mandi195

Don't

YogaSandy

Ditto what PPs said re: not being pregnant and telling them last.

On a side note. We told immediate family about 7 weeks. We planned on telling extend family and friends at 12. We told my grandpa the day after we told my parents. He was 84 and has dementia. We told him not to tell anyone yet.

My parents visited him. Mom said something about it. He asked how she knew. She said I told them. So he figured it wasn't a secret anymore. He told my aunt, to whom I am very close. My aunt called my mom and said she heard mom had news. Mom played dumb. Then my aunt figured because grandpa has dementia and can't hear, that he was mistaken. Then mom told her. Grandpa was so proud of himself for keeping it a secret for three days. I wasn't mad at him (I can never be mad at him). I had wanted to tell my aunt myself , but that's OK.

In my circumstance, we didn't think it would be given away. My elderly grandfather did, but that was OK. My aunt kept it a secret until we were ready to tell.

thechickencoop

Huh?  Wait...wha?  You're not pregnant yet.  Wait until you have news to tell to decide how to tell it.  If they're that blabby, tell them last.  Bam.

ETA Durp I don't even go here lol.

delujm0

This whole thing reads as "I want FIL to completely change the way he is for me, how can I make him do that?"

You can't. If he can't keep his mouth closed tell him right before you go public with everyone else. It sucks to have to keep it from him but you can't expect him to change his personality for you. It won't happen.

I would love to tell my best friend now, but her husband is my husband's childhood best friend and their families are very close. My best friend tells her husband everything, and he has a big mouth. The last thing we want is for his parents to know we're pregnant before my own husband's parents, so because of this my best friend will find out the day after our families do. It sucks but it's how it has to be done.

bhk3

My biggest suggestion would be to read the following post and more importantly all of the replies, and learn from this poster's mistake:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12498701/mother-stole-my-big-news#latest

In other words, if you know he is going to blab do yourself a favor and do not tell him until you've told everyone else and are ready for everyone else in the world to know.

amj0613

Thank you to all the people that left helpful messages.. for the ones that had to say something negative and bitchy.. next time if you don't like someone's post just don't answer it then.  I don't get the point in having to put your 2 cents in if it's something that is rude.  If you think people need to hear your opinion, get over yourself.  You're not that important.  

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menta84

Just don't tell him until you are ready for everyone else to know. We did that too, we told my parents right away because they are good at keeping secrets. We told DH's mom a couple of weeks later (his parents are divorced) and we told his dad literally like 20 min before going public on FB. It had to be done that way, no one was hurt and no one asked when the other parent/family members found out to compare? People usually get excited and congratulate you. Good luck with your decision!

Alygohome

Lol at sits around and thinks of ways to surprise her family a pregnancy that hasn't happened yet.

souperbeck

I'm literally having my mother in law sign a nondisclosure agreement with an emphasis on social media secrecy. It is the same confidentiality agreement I have new employees sign. I want to have her initial after every bullet point and sign to really drive home the point. We want to hang an extra stocking .on Christmas Eve - and that is how my 6 and 8 year old will find out, but the MIL will be here too so she will unfortunately be the first to know

Weezy56

souperbeck said:

I'm literally having my mother in law sign a nondisclosure agreement with an emphasis on social media secrecy. It is the same confidentiality agreement I have new employees sign. I want to have her initial after every bullet point and sign to really drive home the point. We want to hang an extra stocking .on Christmas Eve - and that is how my 6 and 8 year old will find out, but the MIL will be here too so she will unfortunately be the first to know

If your MIL is that big of a blabber mouth I doubt signing a piece of paper will stop her. What are you gonna do if she tells, sue her?

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ChrisB

souperbeck said:

I'm literally having my mother in law sign a nondisclosure agreement with an emphasis on social media secrecy. It is the same confidentiality agreement I have new employees sign. I want to have her initial after every bullet point and sign to really drive home the point. We want to hang an extra stocking .on Christmas Eve - and that is how my 6 and 8 year old will find out, but the MIL will be here too so she will unfortunately be the first to know

That is BY FAR the most insane thing I have read on this site....today. YIKES!

janda426

amj0613 said:

Thank you to all the people that left helpful messages.. for the ones that had to say something negative and bitchy.. next time if you don't like someone's post just don't answer it then.  I don't get the point in having to put your 2 cents in if it's something that is rude.  If you think people need to hear your opinion, get over yourself.  You're not that important.  

No, you're not that important. You're seriously worrying about how people will react to news you don't even have for them yet. Get the fuck over yourself