Bereavement Therapy?

NOBB14

Hi ladies, fairly new poster in this group, so please let me know if anything about my following question is out of line:

Are any of you part of IRL bereavement groups? I am having a very hard time coping with my two losses, and my depression has specifically gotten worse since my first due date passed on the 4th. After each of my d&c's the doctor offered information on support groups, but in researching them I've found the ones in my area are really bereavement groups, focusing on ladies who have lost an infant or have experienced stillbirths/late term loss. as my losses occurred at 9 and 12 weeks respectively, I am concerned my presence would not be an appropriate addition to the group.

I am willing to begin seeing a "regular" non-loss related therapist but don't know if that is really an appropriate fit, either. My depression is 100% loss based and I am not sure a traditional therapist could help me address those issues without looking at the bigger picture, so to speak.

If I am being completely honest, my third concern is getting stuck in the past if I do seek help by private therapy or a support group. MC is such a heavy topic- I want to improve my mental health but also don't want focusing on my sadness to consume me... Even though it already has in other ways.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated and please do not hesitate to let me know if I need to edit any of the above- I am absolutely not trying to offend anyone with my curiosity.

buggirl72

There is nothing offensive about your post at all.  Thank you for being so concerned for others ((((hugs)))).

I don't have any specific advice but was wondering if you would be okay with any of our grads on PgAL chiming in? I can think of one specific person who I think could give you good words of wisdom.  If you are not comfortable with a current PgALer chiming in, that is okay and perfectly understandable.

rslh10

I am so sorry you're feeling depressed and confused on top of that. I feel like my loss has caused my depression and anxiety to increase a lot. Is there somewhere you can check online for support groups that meet in your area? I know you said the dr gave you a list but it wouldn't hurt to check in to it yourself, KWIM?

I hope you can decide what's right for you. ((Hugs))


ETA-grammar

NOBB14

I wouldn't mind insight from a pgal'er, @buggirl72‌. I need all the advice I can get and I appreciate your suggestion! Is there someone I can message?

@rslh10‌ I'm sorry you're in a similar boat. I have looked online, and was unsuccessful in finding groups past what my doctor has suggested... But maybe I can try to search different key words. I just need to grow the balls and look harder! It's just such a struggle- I hate that i can't reign it in. Reading cliche advice on sites I find infuriates me and I just feel isolated because I'm not sure if I would describe my feelings as "Bereavement." But maybe not having a title for my emotions is my own issue and something I need to get over... Thank you for the input!


ETA to fix an autocorrect fail.

Nikolie93

I have nothing to contribute to your question but wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through a hard time and offer *hugs*

I'm glad you're reaching out for help. Sometimes that step is very hard.

NOBB14

@Nikolie93‌ thanks lady! I can't believe I didn't think to come to you all sooner- everyone here is such a wealth of info and I appreciate the support. I just feel that I've reached a point in my grieving that is distracting at work and has made me a real pill to my husband (who has been very great in supporting me and staying strong himself, I just feel it's unfair to continue to rely on him so heavily.)

Nikolie93

It definitley sounds like talking to someone is a good idea. I wish I could help more and I hope you find someone soon!

mrspipp

Big (((hugs))). I don't have any suggestions, but will be interested to hear what others say. I've been thinking of going down this path myself, but I'm also not sure where to start. I've noticed my pre-existing anxiety has gotten worse, and am beginning to notice signs of depression. Thank you for starting this discussion.

CC1017

Do you have access to a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss? My therapist focuses on pregnancy loss and PPD. She has also had losses herself so we can speak very openly about the topic. I didn't feel like an actual group was appropriate for me at this time, but maybe in the future.

Also, don't let fear of getting stuck in the past prevent you from seeking help. Therapy has helped me realize that my loss has fundamentally changed who I am as person and my outlook on life. There is no going back. Only going forward trying to navigate this new life. And loss is a part of your new life. One of the things I have struggled with most is the uncertainty loss has introduced to my life. I need stability and thrive off of planning. My therapist has helped me recognize those needs and address those feelings. I'm still in the process of figuring out the new me. It's tough.

((Hugs))

NOBB14

@CC1017‌ I didn't even think to look into a non-group therapist who had a pregnancy loss focus- I didn't know such a thing existed! that will definitely be a good place for me to start looking into. Thank you!

Km380

(((Hugs))) I think it's great you're seeking help, that first step can be hard. Ive dealt with depression in the past and wasn't dealing well with my grief. I went to therapy after my losses, she didn't specialize in loss specifically but mainly worked with women at various points in their ttc journey. It helped me tremendously.
My piece of advice is if you see a therapist and don't feel that it's a good "fit" don't feel you can't try a new person until you find someone that fits. I hope you find someone to help you through

catvaughn5002

((Hugs)) I'm proud of you for seeking help through this hard time. I have been to a therapist before for non TTC issues and she really helped. I hope you find the right person or group soon.

buggirl72

NOBB14 said:

I wouldn't mind insight from a pgal'er, @buggirl72‌. I need all the advice I can get and I appreciate your suggestion! Is there someone I can message? @rslh10‌ I'm sorry you're in a similar boat. I have looked online, and was unsuccessful in finding groups past what my doctor has suggested... But maybe I can try to search different key words. I just need to grow the balls and look harder! It's just such a struggle- I hate that i can't reign it in. Reading cliche advice on sites I find infuriates me and I just feel isolated because I'm not sure if I would describe my feelings as "Bereavement." But maybe not having a title for my emotions is my own issue and something I need to get over... Thank you for the input! ETA to fix an autocorrect fail.

I was thinking @snegde.

Frenchteachermama

I found a therapist who specializes in women's infertility, grief and loss and she has been a life saver.

kreardon11

I definitely recommend a therapist. Mine doesn't specialize in loss but she's been wonderful. After my second loss my depression and anxiety increased as well. I've done a lot of self help though meditation and self talk and that's helped. When searching for a therapist remember that it's your call on who you go to. If you don't click find someone you DO click with. It's important that you feel safe and that you can open up. So much love!

Littleowl913

After a not so gentle push from my high risk doc, I went to see a therapist that specializes in pregnancy loss.  I went to my first session last week and It was so worth it.  I also had the same apprehension about having to sit there and talk about my loss and be consumed by it but after my session was over, the weight on my shoulders was a little bit lighter. I hope you are able to find the help you need.  ((Hugs)) 

TashaCN

I know that a few of my friends who have had early MMCs or Trouble TTC have seen therapists in my area that specialize in this. 

Being in the mental health field myself - I think an important piece of therapy is finding someone you can connect with. If you don't find them to be someone you can open up to then it may be no good. 

I would also be open from the get-go. Let them know  you want to get better and move forward. Not get stuck in the past. A good therapist should be able to listen to you and eventually let you know how they plan to help. 

ellebelle2384

I see a therapist who specializes in losses/infertility and other women's issues and she has been a lifesaver.  That along with Zoloft has literally saved my life.  I suffered a severe depressive episode after my D&C and was in a very dark place.  I love my therapist and find that she's just a nice neutral person to talk to about everything.  She actually has IF and is doing DE IVF via gestational carrier so she's been a great support since she gets a lot of what I have been going through.  The way I found my therapist was through my RE.  He recommended this practice.  Does your doctor have any other information on individual therapists?  They might be able to recommend a IRL group that you would feel more comfortable with. (hugs)

TowerClimbersWife

PP gave you some awesome advice!!

I too echo the fact that you should get in to see a therapist as soon as you can. I'm a therapist and I can honestly say that there is no right or wrong time to seek someone out, but what I do see on a constant basis, are people who have waited and waited and waited and that is no good for them.

Find someone you feel comfortable with, and don't be discouraged if there is no one that specializes in infertility or loss. Most therapists are equipped to help with many many different issues and should be able to give you the help you need. You may seek out someone with a Marriage and Family Therapy license or an LMFT, because they are trained in family issues and marriage issues. Feel free to PM me if you want help finding someone. Even if I'm not in your area I may have some contacts or can help steer you toward someone good. Also, ask your friends if they have recommendations. You might be surprised and find that someone close to you may have some feedback on therapists in your area.

Good luck Love! Sending you T&P!

NOBB14

Thank you ladies SO MUCH. It's super scary to admit to myself that I need help coping, but now that I have I think I owe it to myself and husband to work to get into a better mental place. I want to be ready for another potential pregnancy and am relieved to hear that their are therapists who not only focus on loss but that some of you have had good experiences with these types of doctors- your recommendations are crucial because I was nervous of finding a good "fit." HUGS HUGS HUGS to you all for your kick ass advice and special snugs for those who also find themselves struggling.... We can move forward together!