Weight gain

amandakus

Wondering why some people feel the need to comment on how big/small we are? Just last weekend I was trying to enjoy my friends bridal shower when an older lady I didn't even know came up and asked me when I was due. She had a horrified look when I told her feb. She said I looked like I was about to pop any minute and asked if it was twins! I was like... Nope just one.... And she looked shocked and said how HUGE I was. Ugh! Why do people think it's ok to make those kinds of comments?! Anyone else out there with similar "problems"?

DronkeyGal

Comparing weight gain is not a good idea. It sounds like you are gaining weight in a healthy way. Good for you! Sorry for the rude comments you've received. I've gotten them too. Some people are clueless.

foxslaw

Go away. No one cares about your humble brag.

tropicbreeze

Asking other ladies how much weight they have gained is a very bad idea. Some of us are struggling with body image. As long as your doctor says you are healthy that should tell you all you need.

amandakus

Dealing with body image issues myself which is why I asked. Didn't expect to get bitchy responses from people. I was mostly wanting others thoughts on why people feel like they need to comment on how we look. Especially if we don't even know them.

mommaa1615

The one comment that drives me nuts is "how much weight have you gained?" My MIL just asked me and I wanted to smack her. People are rude and as a pregnant woman you should know not to ask that/try to compare! Sorry your getting rude comments.

DronkeyGal

amandakus said:

Hey all! Just wondering where everyone is weight gain wise.... 31 weeks and 20lb gain. My doctor is fine with it. I haven't gained any weight anywhere but where baby is. Like I have a basketball hidden under my shirt! Wondering why some people feel the need to comment on how big/small we are? People at work are always saying how I don't look 7 mos pregnant or how Im starting to look "so pregnant". Just last weekend I was trying to enjoy my friends bridal shower when an older lady I didn't even know came up and asked me when I was due. She had a horrified look when I told her feb. She said I looked like I was about to pop any minute and asked if it was twins! I was like... No.... And she looked shocked and said how HUGE I was. Ugh! Why do people think it's ok to make those kinds of comments?! Anyone else out there with similar "problems"?

QFP

Angeldcf

Sheesh- these other "ladies" are bishes!  I feel sorry for their DHs and unborn kids.

I've only gained weight in my boobs- they're so perky!  I've lost tons of weight (all fat tissue), my thighs are super toned and no more cellulite, my abs are getting some definition, and I have the cutest, smallest bump.  My skin looks amazing, my hair is long, thick and beautiful and I have tons of energy!

DronkeyGal

amandakus said:

Dealing with body image issues myself which is why I asked. Didn't expect to get bitchy responses from people. I was mostly wanting others thoughts on why people feel like they need to comment on how we look. Especially if we don't even know them.

No one is being bitchy. I'm sorry you're dealing with body image issues. Comparing your gain to someone else's is not going to help.

Alygohome

Nope

foxslaw

Why are you concerned if your doctor isn't? Especially if you have "only gained weight where the baby is".

misshart00

You could've asked the same question without the first three sentences and I think you would've gotten very different responses.

foxslaw

misshart00 said:

You could've asked the same question without the first three sentences and I think you would've gotten very different responses.

That's all I'm saying.

amandakus

I wasn't necessarily concerned. More looking for a commentary on how mean/awful it is for people to comment on how big or small you are. I've never blogged or whatever before and was just looking forward to seeing some mutual dislike of people who act like that towards pregnant people and instead I have been pretty much been getting verbally attacked. No one else need respond because I am so sorry I ever decided to post anything

amandakus

I kinda thought this was going to be a supportive place and was a little shocked by the responses. Now I know.

misshart00

amandakus said:

I wasn't necessarily concerned. More looking for a commentary on how mean/awful it is for people to comment on how big or small you are. I've never blogged or whatever before and was just looking forward to seeing some mutual dislike of people who act like that towards pregnant people and instead I have been pretty much been getting verbally attacked. No one else need respond because I am so sorry I ever decided to post anything

That was exactly my point. You could've started a whole post about how people feel the need to comment on weight gain, but instead, you made it about personal weight gain in the first sentence.

DronkeyGal

amandakus said:

I kinda thought this was going to be a supportive place and was a little shocked by the responses. Now I know.

Just curious...have you read ANY of the other threads here or did you sign up and post your question right away?

nbad311

I don't think it's all that mean or awful when people comment on your bump (unless someone straight up says "you are huge"). Sure, some are more tactful than others, but overall, people, even strangers, seem excitable by pregnant women and can't help but say a little something. I'll never dog someone for being excited to see a bump, even if they don't say it it the right way.
Like others said, if you're happy and healthy with the bump and your doctor is too, no fretting needed.
And just. .. weight is never a good topic to discuss when pregnant, unless there are legit health concerns or questions related to it.

amandakus

Thanks nbad311. And I've been a member for months. It was just the first time I had anything to post about. My friends bridal shower was Sunday and that's when the lady was awful about how huge I was. I'm sorry the way I went about the post seemed like I was "bragging" I was just trying to "set the stage" so the lady saying I looked like I was carrying twins would have some kind of meaning to people who have no idea what I look like. And my bump isn't perfect. It isn't even "round". I have stretch marks and struggle with how I feel like a cow everyday. Especially when nothing I own fits and I wear yoga pants 24/7.

nbad311

Well, if you've only gained 20 lbs, that's a lot less than me so maybe that'll make you feel good about your body and make me feel a little sad/cow-like.
But healthy baby is what makes me feel the best, so if I've gained 20 or 60 lbs (you'll never know! Muwahahaha!) that is really the less important thing.

Eta: at 7 months (which I'm assuming you are too), I don't know if many of us here still have regular clothes that fit! Embrace the maternity wardrobe, it just fits better and will make you feel better about your new bod

srcr2011

Ugh!! OP you are very rude! So you get upset when strangers ask/comment on your belly, yet YOU are doing the same thing to us!! Then you have the nerve to tell us we are bitchy. Leave us alone and go brag on another "blog"!

CogDis

Seriously, I'm super jealous if people are still fitting into their regular clothes! Mine haven't since like 16wks or maybe earlier!

misshart00

I have a pair of maternity jeans and about 4-5 long sleeve maternity shirts I rotate through. That's the extent of my wardrobe right now. And probably will be for the next several months.

Nvywife

.

MapleMomma

OP- here's my advice. The comments you received from pps is very correct. It may have seemed harsh to you at first, but clearly if you are also struggling with body image issues you can see why we react the way we do. That being said - I suggest that you apologize for your poor wording, change it by only asking how we handle rude comments from others, ask for forgiveness, introduce yourself, and lurk for awhile while slowly jumping into this community.

erobbins09

Sorry I was late to the party I was busy working out...

StephanieLBerg

I think I just died a little inside from missing this total hot mess of a thread today

Edit: emogi fail

chickyclg

@amandakus let me cry you a fucking river!  Stop with the OMG, People keep saying I look like I'm having twins.  Boo fucking hoo, you don't fit in regular clothes and heaven forbid that you can still fit into yoga pants.  You sound like an attention seeking brat that makes ignorant comments without thinking of others.

Lets trade places for a moment, from a twin moms point of view.  I don't throw weight out there but I have gained less than "the internet" says I should and my doctor is just fine with it.  Now lets touch on the "ZOMG!! I'm twin carrying huge" 1. What a fucked up comment.  2. Sorry your yoga pants don't fit, but let's talk twin mom problems for a sec,  like when your fucking MATERNITY clothes stop fitting.  As in pants are too tight, and shirts are too short,  and all you can wear comfortably is your husband's too big for him sweatpants. 

Maybe I just read your stupidly worded post with a needy tone, or it could be the constant pain I am in mixed with the nothing fits, can't sleep, hatred of these stupid weight post.  

Just an FYI your pregnancy will not be the first thing that people make comments and judge you on, just wait until the baby is here.  The you will get chastised for bottle or breast, discipline methods, and so on.  My recommendation to you is to get some thicker skin, because the comments are only just getting started.

modernfairytale8709

I've gained some weight.
At size 20, I'm medically considered obese to start with.
I've never felt sexier in my life because for the first time, I feel like it's "acceptable" for me to have a belly, and wear clothes that accentuate it. I'm told all the time by twiggy women at work that I don't look pregnant. That makes me want to throat punch a bish because what they're basically saying is that I look like I've got this big ole buddah belly all the time.
It's not true, and I feel great about how I look both pregnant and not. A few years ago, I'd have been crushed. Now, I know that all bodies are good bodies, and I am rocking the fuck out of this pregnancy.

kefttsc

chickyclg said:

@amandakus let me cry you a fucking river!  Stop with the OMG, People keep saying I look like I'm having twins.  Boo fucking hoo, you don't fit in regular clothes and heaven forbid that you can still fit into yoga pants.  You sound like an attention seeking brat that makes ignorant comments without thinking of others.

Lets trade places for a moment, from a twin moms point of view.  I don't throw weight out there but I have gained less than "the internet" says I should and my doctor is just fine with it.  Now lets touch on the "ZOMG!! I'm twin carrying huge" 1. What a fucked up comment.  2. Sorry your yoga pants don't fit, but let's talk twin mom problems for a sec,  like when your fucking MATERNITY clothes stop fitting.  As in pants are too tight, and shirts are too short,  and all you can wear comfortably is your husband's too big for him sweatpants. 

Maybe I just read your stupidly worded post with a needy tone, or it could be the constant pain I am in mixed with the nothing fits, can't sleep, hatred of these stupid weight post.  

Just an FYI your pregnancy will not be the first thing that people make comments and judge you on, just wait until the baby is here.  The you will get chastised for bottle or breast, discipline methods, and so on.  My recommendation to you is to get some thicker skin, because the comments are only just getting started.

This.

Maple403

I hate these posts. People get upset. Who's got the Pregnant Chicken blog site where she talks about why it doesn't matter at all how big/small you look to other people? That would be appropriate here.

I am very small, in terms of pregnancy. People treat me differently because of it, not in a good way. I struggled to gain weight during pregnancy and that is not something that gives me pleasure. It has taken me several months now to learn to not let these people influence how I feel about myself. If possible, whenever someone says something about your weight or appearance that is not "you look great!" let it slide right out of your mind. Don't dwell on it, don't think about it. That has been my strategy. 

Also, avoid mirrors.

crystalw88

Don't listen to these bitches OP, they're all just jealous over your perfect 20 lb basketball sized belly. I know I am...oh wait...no...no I'm not.

I ACTUALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. You could have posted solely on how to deal with comments about your pregnant belly and then we may have offered encouraging words at that point. But instead, you took it to another level and decided to make us all feel like shit by making it a note to point out your exact weight gain and that it's specifically all in your cute lil bump. Now that you've read a little piece of my mind, get the fuck out.

DHarpster

I agree that she worded things incorrectly, but if you read through all of the responses, including hers, she did admit she made a mistake in the wording and explained herself.

SarahB0427

My Mil told me she could tell I was getting bigger from behind.....all that made me want to do is shove another cupcake in my face.

misskc2

CogDis said:

Seriously, I'm super jealous if people are still fitting into their regular clothes! Mine haven't since like 16wks or maybe earlier!

Many of us still fitting into our normal clothes have been having horrible morning sickness since week 5. Don't be too jealous!!!

foxslaw

misskc2 said:

CogDis said:

Seriously, I'm super jealous if people are still fitting into their regular clothes! Mine haven't since like 16wks or maybe earlier!

Many of us still fitting into our normal clothes have been having horrible morning sickness since week 5. Don't be too jealous!!!

Ehhhh, still not an excuse for being insensitive. It's not about jealousy. At all.

KiaE3620

I get the same thing all of the time where people tell me, when are you due?... In feb? What are you having twins, triplets?... no its only 1 baby boy. I absolutely hate it so no, you are not alone. It does make me feel concious of my weight. I agree with the others though. If the doc isn't worried you dnt worry either.

misskc2

foxslaw said:

misskc2 said:

CogDis said:

Seriously, I'm super jealous if people are still fitting into their regular clothes! Mine haven't since like 16wks or maybe earlier!

Many of us still fitting into our normal clothes have been having horrible morning sickness since week 5. Don't be too jealous!!!

Ehhhh, still not an excuse for being insensitive. It's not about jealousy. At all.

Oh I absolutely agree!!! Just making a point that everyone has their own battles. People may be jealous of us fitting in our old clothes but I am jealous of those who don't still have morning sickness. However this is more of a random thought/spin off from the original post. I definitely agree that what the op said was insensitive. Just got ADHD for a moment!

CogDis

@misskc2‌
I've had horrible MS since the beginning! Puking 20 times a day for the first tri, only a few times a week for the second tri, and (like I mentioned yesterday) it's back up to a few times a day again (yesterday I puked on my bed, in my hands, and all over the floor). But like I said, I don't fr into my clothes pre-pregnancy and haven't for a long time. Thanks for rubbing it in, though!

acpruchnik

amandakus said:

Thanks nbad311. And I've been a member for months. It was just the first time I had anything to post about. My friends bridal shower was Sunday and that's when the lady was awful about how huge I was. I'm sorry the way I went about the post seemed like I was "bragging" I was just trying to "set the stage" so the lady saying I looked like I was carrying twins would have some kind of meaning to people who have no idea what I look like. And my bump isn't perfect. It isn't even "round". I have stretch marks and struggle with how I feel like a cow everyday. Especially when nothing I own fits and I wear yoga pants 24/7.

OK sweetie... That right there was your 2nd mistake. The first was the initial post you made because if you HAVE been around for months then there's NO way you haven't seen the shit storm that comes from a weight post/humble brag (whether you realized you were bragging or not, you very much were). You should have noticed there are several women dealing with prior body issues that have all come together to support each other in their struggles with adjusting to their new bodies. Adjusting to the changes our bodies are making and the shapes we're taking aren't always easy and clearly we've all dealt with some stranger, or even family members in some cases, making unwelcomed comments about our sizes that leave us in a funk. If you plan to stick around then you really need to touch base and stop making the "I'm new to this kind of thing" excuse about not knowing how to find your way around. You can always read up on FAQ's about the process or take 5 minutes to send a mod a private message and ask for some help. I'm sure they would have been happy to help and not have to deal with anything like this. They're wonderful women and take VERY good care of us "bitches," especially when something like this surfaces. If you don't plan on sticking around, then please leave quietly. We have a lot going on with our group and I'm sure you've noticed how bizarre the weekends tend to get around here so please spare us the drama.

You should have noticed as well that this was FAR from what an introductory post should have been like. You've been around long enough to have read our NEWB thread AND our TOU, which our lovely mods have provided and stuck to the front page to avoid them getting lost. You'd know that this is not a "blog" but a forum and there's a huge difference between the 2.

In response to your initial edited question, YES. I deal with this on almost a daily basis. I work with people all day long that think it's necessary to comment on my size and many of them have given me the "oh you poor thing" speech or look after I tell them that I still have 2 months left. My Grandmother likes to tell me that I need to stop getting larger and that my husband is going to leave me if I get "as big as I did last time" and IT FUCKING SUCKS. It gets to me no matter how much I try to act like a hard ass and say that it doesn't. But I constantly remind me that my doctor is happy with what my body is doing, my baby is healthy and fortunately my husband is absolutely in love with my growing size and thanks me for giving him his boys. He spends a lot of time petting my hair when I cry in his lap because some asshole decided it was necessary to comment on my belly and he, along with the "bitches" in the group, has helped me build up the nerve to defend myself with snarky responses and I'm the first to return a belly rub to a vacant belly on a man OR woman when they start in on mine.

Like a PP has also said, though, if you think the comments are bad now then just wait til you have that baby. People are going to tell you you're doing EVERYTHING wrong because it's not what they would do or have done with their kids. The first people to tell you how to raise your children are also the ones that don't have kids from my experience, too. It's just one more way for someone else to feel better about themselves and for some reason it helps them not feel like a shitty person in the process. Every single thing you do from now on is going to be judged more harshly than you could have ever imagined and there's nothing you can do other than be the best mom you possibly can for the sake of your child.

Welcome to motherhood, pumpkin.

Jensoprano82

CogDis said:

@misskc2‌
I've had horrible MS since the beginning! Puking 20 times a day for the first tri, only a few times a week for the second tri, and (like I mentioned yesterday) it's back up to a few times a day again (yesterday I puked on my bed, in my hands, and all over the floor). But like I said, I don't fr into my clothes pre-pregnancy and haven't for a long time. Thanks for rubbing it in, though!

That's so freaking awful you poor thing!!!! Omg! I can't even!!! (Creepy internet stranger cyber hugs)