The past few weeks have been so insane I can't remember if I actually did an intro or not. So, if this is a repeat, please just know it's been such a hard time and I'm not sure what's up and what's down, but i'm here now.
I was a part of the June '15 board, expecting in the first week of June. At 12 weeks, an ultrasound found that our baby had hydraencepalopathy (sp?), meaning that half of her brain hadn't formed and was just liquid. It had been a rollercoaster pregnancy because we weren't trying and were surprised to find out we were expecting, then i had horrible pain from an ovarian cyst, and then spotting which my doctor felt was normal. By 12 weeks we had told everyone we knew and were so excited. I had read 15 whole pregnancy books, signed up for a training to teach prenatal yoga, and talked to my belly constantly. Then all of a sudden we had to suddenly decide how to move forward- to either have a d&c, get induced at any point, or wait until we gave birth and let our daughter suffer a few moments of life.
We decided that it was right for our child to go forward with a d&c. Your posts about getting through that time were really helpful to me. Because it was Thanksgiving, I had to wait a week for the procedure and I think so far it was the worst week of my life. On Monday I was dilated- without anesthetic- and had cramping/contractions(?) begin immediately. Last week, on Tuesday, I had the procedure done in on OR at the hospital my husband works at. While I was out he got to see our tiny tiny baby, and I think that helped him process this better than I have.
I've been home for two weeks now, trying to figure out how to get back to our 'normal' life. This was our first pregnancy and I wake up every day still not believing she's gone. I hate having to be here, or that any of you have suffered like this, but I am grateful for the community at a time that feels so alone. I think the holidays will be especially hard and I hope we find some comfort in this community together.
Thanks for reading and sharing in my experience.