AW/DD: Rough Day Today

KimberlyandThor2014

Hey ladies. Just working through some difficult stuff right now and wanted to share. June 22, 2013 my father was killed on his motorcycle by a fuel truck driven by a man not licensed to do so, and who violated a few laws and is now being charged with vehicular homicide. The company he was working for is also being sued for negligence because they knew his situation and gave him the keys and turned their heads even though they knew he wasn't allowed to drive a commercial vehicle (man had 2 previous DUI's and could not drive any vehicle without a Breathalyzer interlock device.

The holidays are hard enough, my family is very close and my dad was like the sun in our universe. It has been hard for the last year and a half, but the hole is always deeper and more profound at special times of the year. Especially being pregnant and knowing he won't be there to enjoy his newest grandson this coming spring/summer.

Tomorrow I have to go sit in front of a panel of lawyers to be deposed, trying to find some shred of information that they can use against my father and lessen fault of the driver and company. I've watched my mom go through her deposition already, so I know what to expect, and I'm so anxious about this process. It is so painful to keep digging into these wounds. Hormonal and full of grief, I am worried I will snap at these people and give them a piece of my mind, which our lawyer has warned we must be polite and professional at all times. To be honest, I am sick to my stomach over this, the added pain of missing him so desperately over the holidays, I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. 

In other news, I failed my one hour glucose test today and have to go back for the three hour test. This has just not been my day. I'm a hot mess. Thanks loves for letting me vent, this forum is helping to keep me sane. and all the Dec siggys are helping a smile to shine through tears today.

finchfeeder80

*hugs* I'll keep you in my thoughts, especially tonight and tomorrow. Good luck with the deposition. And I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.

walshbunnie

That deposition sounds awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your father and for the horrible day in general it sounds like you have had. T&P with you tomorrow.

Stormy61

My thoughts will be with you. My dad passed away 5 years all and we actually had to go through mediation with lawyers about some related stuff. It's like living that day over and over again. Best of luck getting through tomorrow.

angielayne926

Ugh....I am so sorry that you have to go through this on top of everything else.  I hope that the process is smooth for you and not terribly upsetting. ((((HUGS))))

stinybean

I'm sorry your week is starting off so tough. GL tomorrow and many ((Hugs))

blastocarrier30

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, and I know it's harder when everyone around you seems to be celebrating. I hope that you all get some closure soon through the trial and that you have better luck with the long glucose test. I'll definitely keep your family in my T&P.

::Big creepy internet hugs!::

NoeliaV

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I hope your deposition tomorrow is not too difficult for you.

((( hugs )))

beersandweirs

Good luck with everything, I hope you find some peace!

GASuzuki

I am so sorry for your loss. When you go to the deposition, listen to the questions carefully and think before you respond. Do not make up anything. If you don't know the answer, say, "I don't know." You can do it, mama. 

poppyc8

I'm so sorry about your father. What a tough situation to be in tomorrow as well. It's just heartbreaking. Hang in there and keep your head held high. Just know you are doing a good thing and your father would be proud.

awheeler4311

So many hugs coming your way. What a tough, tough situation. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hopefully when this is all done you can heal and move on. You can vent as much as you need

elbowpasta

I'm so sorry for your loss.... Just know that you are strong enough, you can face the deposition. You have my thoughts and condolences.

Bednarova

lots of hugs heading your way!

blu-eyedwife

I am so sorry for your loss.  I find the holidays especially hard after a loss.  And birthdays, and random Wednesdays.  ((Hugs))

Were they rude to your mother?  I would think they would handle you guys with kid gloves given the liability involved. 

tiffbot1985

I am so, so sorry. Lots of hugs to you and your family at this time, and strength to get you through tomorrow.

alygator11687

OMG the deposition sounds awful and quote unfortunate timing with the holidays coming up. I am so sorry to hear about your father's death! I hope your day gets better. I'll be thinking and praying for you that everything goes well tomorrow. Stay strong

sscott2111

Oh my goodness, that is so hard. Feels like thing on top of thing. I hope you have a lot of support through this. Do the best you can tomorrow ((hugs))

KimberlyandThor2014

Thank you all so much for the kind thoughts and virtual hugs! It means a lot. @blu-eyedwife‌ they were polite to my mother during her deposition and I'm sure they will be polite to us tomorrow. One of my sisters and I are going in together, and they are deposing our other sister via video conference because she lives on the west coast...so at least we will be together. We also had a mediation meeting that did not go so well, in which the lawyers were very insulting (even the mediator commented to one of them that he was surprised at his behavior) so that is the taste that is hard to forget, even though I'm sure they will have their best "faces" on tomorrow. @brennazesquire‌ that is awful about your sister's accident and it is crazy how they can manage to chip away at fault, when it is clear. These lawyers are trying to pick away at our case, even after the carefully conducted accident reconstruction clearly places and finds all blame to be on the truck driver. ETA: something weird happened with my paragraphs

leenziepops

How awful that you have gone through the loss of your father and now the stress of this deposition. May you have the strength to get through it. 

MrsMonogrammed

Hugs hugs hugs. I had a crappy day today too and can still only imagine how you're feeling with all of this piled on! Keeping you in my thoughts during your deposition!

Claire&Cub

Virtual hugs and a hand hold to you. My condolences for your father. He sounded like a great man. I've been through a deposition, just not one like this. I can't even imagine, the other attorneys are gonna try (like you mentioned) to find a hiccup in credibility, the events, etc. just try to imagine your pops right next to you. He'll be your guiding light and strength tomorrow. I'm also sorry to hear about your glucose test, I'm keeping my fx for the three hour test. Best wishes and I wish you and yours a triumphant and beautiful holiday season full of fond memories.

Apollo11235

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and I hope the second glucose test goes well.

TheNewMrsY

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I hope tomorrow goes as smoothly as can be expected and it helps you to keep moving forward. Hang in there; game face on! Il be thinking of you. You CAN do this.

honeybunches101

I am so sorry for your loss, and how awful that you have to go through a deposition. I hope it is over quickly. A friend of mine is a lawyer for an insurance company and has to do those depositions, she says she often cries on the way home. It sounds like the lawyers you're dealing with aren't very compassionate, but I'm glad you'll be with family and can support each other.

kls6382

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away years ago, and although it never gets easy, it does get easier over time. 

Good luck with the deposition. T&P

KimberlyandThor2014

Thanks again ladies! Each and every one of you has given wonderful advice and I take it all to heart. I look forward to this all being over with! Each life event without him has had that sharp pain of his physical absence, but I do feel him with us all of the time.

Katerina&Baby

All the hugs for you and your family - holidays without a loved one are always really hard and bittersweet.

As PPs have mentioned, remember to breathe during your deposition and do exactly as your lawyer has advised. Depositions are admissible evidence in court and ANY deviation between in court testimony and what was said in a deposition can be used to cast doubt on the witness's truthfulness. I don't mean to scare you and hopefully your lawyer has already made this point clear but it is a crucial one that warrants repeating. Take your time (in fact - make sure you take a deep breath before answering - it will help you control your emotions AND give your attorney time to interject if there is anything objectionable about the question), answer honestly but BRIEFLY and do not offer any information that wasn't asked - make opposing counsel do the work. If you need to take a break to collect yourself, say so. You will do FINE. Remember not to demonize opposing counsel - directing your anger about the situation will only make you more likely to say something you shouldn't and at the end of the day, they are just trying to do what is best for their client - even if they personally feel shitty about it and sympathize with your family.

erbear84

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. Hugs to you!

mommacandi

Hugs, hugs, hugs all over the place and thoughts of strength to you and your family as you endure this legal stuff, as well as the holiday season without your father. I am so sorry for your loss.

KimberlyandThor2014

Thanks @Katerina&Baby‌. Great advice and almost word for word what the lawyer said!

LadySif

So sorry for your loss sweetie. How awful to have do go through all this on top of that. Some lawyers can be absolute asses (I am one, so I'm allowed to say it but I'm not an evil one!). Good advice from others. Only thing I'd add is consider wearing a ring or bracelet, something you can use as a physical contact point to help keep yourself in check and remind you to take a breath if you think it would help. It always seems like an age of silence when you're the one taking time to think about your answer, but it really isn't. It sounds like you'll be very prepared if you saw your mom's, so take comfort in that, too. Go out for a steak dinner tomorrow night - deliciously low carb.  

Katerina&Baby

KimberlyandThor2014 said:

Thanks @Katerina&Baby‌. Great advice and almost word for word what the lawyer said!

We lawyers tend to think alike

tahitiandreamin

I am so sorry that you have to go through this at this time of year. I hope that the deposition goes easier then you anticipate.

jilly159

Girl you are so strong. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please don't be to hard on yourself or stress yourself out. You have been through enough. Like PP said, take deep breaths and take your time. Hugs hugs and more hugs

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AmyCee

My husband went through a terrible deposition as well...he did an amazing job...asking the lawyers to clarify everything, giving very basic answer and not offering any information.

I can't imagine what you have to go through. With your June due date it seems your dad will be with you and with your little one...so look down at your bump and let that give you strength...(ok, so I don't know you but I have tears running down my cheeks in support)

KimberlyandThor2014

Thanks loves!

suzysurparis

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going though all this now. I think the legal ladies here had some really great advice that I second when I remember my deposition after a car accident (I rear-ended con-artists, they claimed whiplash and sued, it was in S Florida, it happens to everyone). Good luck today and you'll do fine.

effthisnoise

I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine losing your father in that way and then having to go through all of this. Good luck today. I'll be thinking about you and hoping that everything goes well. Let us know how it goes.

ombradellarosa

My heart hurts for you and your family. I think the picture in your signature is very sweet. I'm sorry you had to lose your father so young. I'm glad you can feel him with you--that has to be comforting, especially at difficult times like these. Remember you have our support as well! T&P for you for the deposition. I'm sure you will do fine, you have a lot of great advice here!