My DD is 1 month old and we are attending a family Christmas party in a couple weeks. There are going to be roughly 50 people at this party. Big Family!! There are going to be a lot of extended family members at this party who we haven't seen in a long time and won't see my DD again for a long while. I believe that if they want to see her, they can see and meet her without having to hold her. I have not and still do not feel comfortable letting other people hold her. I feel extremely anxious when I'm not holding her and have this extreme urge to go grab her back the whole time she's not in my arms. I am BFing and have a very strong bond with her. I've gotten to where I'm *okay* with grandparents and her aunt holding her at our weekly suppers which consist of maybe 10 people, but I still feel like she belongs with me and only me or DH. The issue I'm running in to is that DH's family have all shared and passed around all of their babies at all functions throughout the years and have loved it and they expect me to feel/do the same. I've made my feelings heard on this matter and the only reaction I've gotten back is basically that I'm being selfish. Am I being over-protective by wanting to keep her to myself at gatherings, or should I follow my instincts and just face the fact that there are going to be several people who are going to be upset with me for not letting 30-some-odd adults hold her? If you've been in a similar situation and you felt the same as I do, how did you handle it? I don't want to burn any bridges, especially with In-Laws, but I feel like my instincts come before family's preferences.
Re: Am I Being Over-Protective?
If you do go, maybe you could keep the baby in car seat carrier. LO will prob be sleeping most of the time. Keeping baby strapped into the carrier may help discourage people from carrying the baby.
You obviously have a strong bond with your baby as your her mum (Im formula feeding and still have a very very strong bond!) but at least you can make excuses like 'I think she's hungry' and go to a quite room and nurse or pretend to nurse her if it gets a bit overwhelming for either of you. It'll take time for you to be comfortable with others holding her, I'm 100% okay with friends and family holding DS but not strangers or people I'm not close to or familiar with. Good luck with it all.
I took DS to a wedding when he was 3 weeks and it was not a big deal at all. A few people held him but it wasn't like a game of hot potato. I actually enjoyed letting a couple of my aunts fuss over him while I spent some time with DD. I would go and try to relax. Not all 50 people will hold her and people will understand if you need to take her away put her in a carrier.
Edit to add: I found the no sleep in infant seat recommendation on AAP: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Car-Safety-Seats-Information-for-Families.aspx
Thank you, @Indianaalum for bringing this up. I never would have known. :-)
It doesn't hurt to ask if they are sick/or still recovering from a cold. If they are they will understand when I tell them sorry but I don't want my DD to get sick.
Otherwise, I have been to gatherings of 20 ppl and they all got to hold DD. Most people just want to hold her long enough for a picture and a few hellos then pass her back to me.
I am EBF and my dr and nurses all said that because I am EBF my DD's immune is stronger.
I would go to the event, just ask if anyone has been sick, is sick to please not hold the baby. And ask ppl to wash their hands.
Or you could just wear your baby, in any kind of carrier that suits you and this may help reduce the baby getting passed around.
However, like I said I personally wouldn't stress too much. And trust both yours and your husband's judgment.
The report also includes the following recommendations:
There is just so much stuff going around. Whooping cough (although thankfully not in my area), enterovirus, flu that is a strain not in the vaccine...plus regular winter colds and coughs. I'm being very protective of dd-actually more so than I was with the other kids, who were not born this time of year.
I don't think you are over-anxious. You have let grandparents and aunts hold her so it's not like you are never letting her go.
My bro travels for work and was out of town when dd was born. He flew in Sunday before thanksgiving and wanted to see her-I said please wait till Thanksgiving in case you got exposed to something on the plane (planes are notorious germ cans). Sure enough-he was sick by then!!! I'm glad I was so cautious.
I am going to our family event, and wearing dd in a Baby K'Tan carrier.
I agree that it's totally up to you and if you're not comfortable, don't do it. YOURE the mom! You're the one dealing with a sick baby at the hospital if God forbid she caught something, not everyone who wanted to hold her.