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Parenting
Friend Vent (Novel)
some of you know I am/was (?) a photographer. I'm a hobbyist now but I did have a business for a while. A friend of mine has been waiting and waiting for her boyfriend to propose for like a year and she kept telling me she wanted to me to shoot her wedding, but I don't (and never did) shoot weddings. It's just waaayyyy too much work and I never had an interest in it (my interest was in portraiture, mostly newborns).
Anyway, she got engaged in November so I told her that if she wanted, as an enagagement gift, I would be happy to take engagement portraits for Save the Dates.
We did them a couple weeks ago and I felt really confident about how they went. I spent well over an hour shooting, in addition to emails and texts going back and forth going through Pinterest and bouncing ideas around, I made a sign for a prop and a chalkboard for prop. She was kind of bossy through the session, she kept posing weird and I kept trying to reposition based on where the light was and flattering body positioning. She kept talking about her "good side".
I took SO MANY pics. When I got home I uploaded them and was really excited so I did a quick edit on maybe four or five different ones and sent them to her to give her an idea. She responded and was like "I like this one but those other ones are awful!" I was floored. I thought they (and she) were beautiful. After talking it over it got an idea that maybe she wasn't happy with how SHE looked. During the session she told me to edit out all of her wrinkles and whiten and her teeth. I told her that I would soften the skin a little bit and whiten the teeth a little but I never did excessive editing like that because I don't like how fake it is. I did do a little more than I usually do for her but I wanted her to look like herself. And even though I'm not in business I still don't want to compromise my work by putting something out there that I am not proud of. She knew my style and always raved about my work. I mean, she wanted me to do her wedding so she must've liked my style!
Anyway, I poured over the photos for two weeks carefully editing and scrutinizing. She asked me a few times even though I told her it would be a couple of weeks because I have a busy full time job and two kids and it was thanksgiving.
So I just sent the gallery (of 85 photos!! Double what I usually gave in a session) off to her this afternoon and I just got a response.
*
"Some are so crazy bad damn cold and wind but some are amazing we have a few greatttt ones that I will use for save the date card thanks to you!"
*
It was chilly but really not that bad and it wasn't that windy either. She went on to say that she liked a lot but there were some that she was like "yikes".
Anyway I was kind of hurt. The very first sentence you say about the GIFT I gave you is "some are so crazy bad..." ?! Ouch. I didn't even know what to say... Glad you liked A FEW of the 85 pictures I spent hours and hours over two weeks on?? I mean, I don't always love pictures of myself but I can tell if the issue is me vs a bad photo and would never criticize the photographer for how I look bc of my own insecurities.
Sorry for the novel. Am I being overly sensitive? Give me some perspective. I can be very sensitive about my work because I pour so much of my heart and soul into it and I was genuinely trying to give my friend a beautiful gift. I guess I just expected a happier response.
I didn't say anything negative in response or act offended / defensive towards.
Just wondered if I am wrong to feel this way or being over sensitive?
Sorry for the novel!
Anyway, she got engaged in November so I told her that if she wanted, as an enagagement gift, I would be happy to take engagement portraits for Save the Dates.
We did them a couple weeks ago and I felt really confident about how they went. I spent well over an hour shooting, in addition to emails and texts going back and forth going through Pinterest and bouncing ideas around, I made a sign for a prop and a chalkboard for prop. She was kind of bossy through the session, she kept posing weird and I kept trying to reposition based on where the light was and flattering body positioning. She kept talking about her "good side".
I took SO MANY pics. When I got home I uploaded them and was really excited so I did a quick edit on maybe four or five different ones and sent them to her to give her an idea. She responded and was like "I like this one but those other ones are awful!" I was floored. I thought they (and she) were beautiful. After talking it over it got an idea that maybe she wasn't happy with how SHE looked. During the session she told me to edit out all of her wrinkles and whiten and her teeth. I told her that I would soften the skin a little bit and whiten the teeth a little but I never did excessive editing like that because I don't like how fake it is. I did do a little more than I usually do for her but I wanted her to look like herself. And even though I'm not in business I still don't want to compromise my work by putting something out there that I am not proud of. She knew my style and always raved about my work. I mean, she wanted me to do her wedding so she must've liked my style!
Anyway, I poured over the photos for two weeks carefully editing and scrutinizing. She asked me a few times even though I told her it would be a couple of weeks because I have a busy full time job and two kids and it was thanksgiving.
So I just sent the gallery (of 85 photos!! Double what I usually gave in a session) off to her this afternoon and I just got a response.
*
"Some are so crazy bad damn cold and wind but some are amazing we have a few greatttt ones that I will use for save the date card thanks to you!"
*
It was chilly but really not that bad and it wasn't that windy either. She went on to say that she liked a lot but there were some that she was like "yikes".
Anyway I was kind of hurt. The very first sentence you say about the GIFT I gave you is "some are so crazy bad..." ?! Ouch. I didn't even know what to say... Glad you liked A FEW of the 85 pictures I spent hours and hours over two weeks on?? I mean, I don't always love pictures of myself but I can tell if the issue is me vs a bad photo and would never criticize the photographer for how I look bc of my own insecurities.
Sorry for the novel. Am I being overly sensitive? Give me some perspective. I can be very sensitive about my work because I pour so much of my heart and soul into it and I was genuinely trying to give my friend a beautiful gift. I guess I just expected a happier response.
I didn't say anything negative in response or act offended / defensive towards.
Just wondered if I am wrong to feel this way or being over sensitive?
Sorry for the novel!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Friend Vent (Novel)
I worked really hard on this gift to her because to me photos are a memory that you have forever. Guess I could have gotten a target gift card and called it a day!
I feel bad for whoever does her wedding.......
Sigh, I agree I should just move on and distance myself.
@TyrannosaurusLex I would love to send that but sadly I am one to avid confrontation. I just don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation.
I hoe she doesn't expect me to travel to her destination wedding after this! Lol
She just backed out bc she always helps her old boss coordinate and plan his Christmas party and its that night.
I was so mad bc we have two months notice and we pay her well! Then my husband pointed out I also did her photos for free.
Clearly I need to stop gifting my work to people.
I feel so underappreciated!
I would be willing to bet that your friend is nitpicking your photos like mine did, and only focusing on herself in them, not the overall photo. She doesn't sound very grateful and could probably use a harsh dose of reality that she got something for free that would have otherwise cost her several hundred dollars, and a pro would have never put up with her bitching like that.
~*~*~You're Such A Pretty Melody, I'm Just Another Tattooed Tragedy~*~*~
She does love a few so that makes me happy. I didn't expect her to love every picture, I know that is unrealistic. But I also didn't expect the very first response after receiving the photos to be "wow some are so crazy bad". That was very hurtful and she seemed so ungrateful. And selfish to not even consider the work I had put in.
I understand that often with handcrafted gifts people are getting a finished product with little to no say in the choosing, etc. But I will say that she had a part in some of the creation... She chose location, she sent me specific shots to try to recreate which I did, she had certain poses she wanted which we did. And she has seen my work over and over for several years so she definitely knew what to expect. She had been telling me she wanted me to do photos for her for a year prior which is why I offered the gift.
I am not doing her wedding, not because of this though- I had told her from the start that I wouldn't do it. I have never done weddings and she is having a destination wedding and I can't guarantee that I will be able to go.
I probably will not say anything but will just distance myself and definitely will not be gifting any photos anytime soon.
Lol I think I was lucky too that when I was in business I really never had an unhappy or difficult client. I'm sure it would have come up somewhere along the line had I stayed in business. But it's like, I would expect it from someone who paid and maybe wasn't happy, especially if there was an sue that I could control that I didn't (an edit, a focus issue, Etc). But to hear it from a friend who raved about my work and was gifted the session was hurtful. And I know it's just her own insecurities-- I've been there! But I still said "these are beautiful thank you so much" and on the way home to my husband "ugh I look fat in all of them!" Lol