Struggling to trust DH with kids

kayledbury

I'm seriously struggling with the idea of having my DH watch the baby when it arrives without me there to basically supervise. I have a stepson who lives with us now who I mostly watch due to the fact he is 4 and his dad works a lot and I am currently not employed. But DH watched him this morning so I could sleep in and I had nightmares that he lost DS I woke up from these nightmares to DS asking me where daddy was.... I may have over reacted in hind sight Bc he was right out side smoking real fast but I basically yelled at him that he was incapable of watching our kids... Once I went back to sleep I continued to dream he lost the baby and DS... Idk how to feel ok about him watching them by himself. he is a great dad and raised DS b4 we met alone for the first year and a half so I'm not sure y I'm having such a hard time with this 3 years later....any advice?

VeganOnTuesdays

SunshyneShay said:

Sorry, but If you don't trust your DH with kids then why are you having kids with him? 

THIS. Sorry OP but if I didn't trust my husband to be alone with OUR child then I would not be having one with him. 

lgsdesigner

It sounds to me like you are allowing your dreams to become a possible reality, so you are attacking him for no reason. If he was fine with raising a child before, and has never harmed or neglected his child, I don't see what the issue is here.
You need to learn to trust him just like he is trusting you to carry his baby.

beezybaby

Are you typically a controlling person?  If so, I feel like this is just an extension of that and you will figure it out as your due date gets closer, and you see you husband interacting with it after it is born. 

Of not, it seems like an issue you really need to focus on, with DH.  Where does this doubt come from?  Is it that he will do something wrong, or just not do it your way, or the best way?  Are you worried about anyone else taking care of your kids, like other family members or a babysitter, or is it isolated to him?  

Parenthood, as you are aware I am sure, is only successful as a partnership.  If he won't engage, or you wan't let him, resentment will creep its ugly head in and destroy things.  

Good luck

kayledbury

Actually lately iv been super concerned about anyone watching the baby once it arrives and way more so with my step son lately then is normal as well my dad and sister watch him all the time always have and I find myself panicking even when ik he has always been perfectly fine with them

lgsdesigner

kayledbury said:

Actually lately iv been super concerned about anyone watching the baby once it arrives and way more so with my step son lately then is normal as well my dad and sister watch him all the time always have and I find myself panicking even when ik he has always been perfectly fine with them

That sounds like pregnancy-induced anxiety. You may want to talk to your OB about anxiety issues because the stress is bad for you AND the baby.
Just try to remember your DH is not the enemy here, and you need to just try to relax the best you can to keep the relationship strong.

Poppy715

Put me down for you shoudln't be having babies with someone you don't think you can trust to raise them. Has he ever give you reason to doubt his parental abilities?

kayledbury

No he's always been great with DS and they r like best buds and want to do everything together which is actually one of the reasons we decided to have a baby Bc he is one of those dads that can sit there all day and play with his kid and never get bored or want to go do his thing if he has something he needs to do he involves DS as well

kayledbury

I will I have a appointment Tuesday I don't like feeling like I can't trust anyone let alone my DH we have always been best friends and until really recently iv been super excited about raising the baby together and I still am but now it's over shadowed by is everything going to b ok if I'm not right there making sure it is?

kayledbury

I had anxiaty really bad when I was a teen and after my first pregnacy ended in a miscarriage for a few months afterwards and I took Meds for it but then it seemed to go away and so I didn't need them anymore I'm not typically a controlling person im actually usually pretty layed back but lately not so much

Ash1103

Has he ever given you a reason to not trust him in real life. Because stepping outside to smoke isn't a good enough reason. It was only a dream and maybe your stepson didn't hear him say he was going outside

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Hawk&Eye

I agree with everyone saying you should talk to your OB about anxiety. We don't know your situation but unless there are red flags, talk it out and address things now.

You don't want baby to get here and hover over him watching and stepping in every time he tries to parent. That can make things miserable for both of you.

jesslfar

I have a hard time not micromanging my children.  There are so many things that could go wrong and even after we have had conversations about it I worry he won't recognize the symptoms of say a child having an allergic reaction to a food (no my children don't have allergies) but he is their father and he loves them and is a responsible adult so I have to trust that he too can be in charge of them without me.  Worry beyond that and worry that keeps you up or makes worry more during the day than not is when it becomes a problem and you need to speak to your doctor about it.  Some fear is normal, but if he is not giving you a reason like he is an addict and is unfit to watch the kids, your fear is getting the best of you.