I faced a challenge in getting pregnant w/ my first baby due to PCOS but we were able to conceive after just 3 months of clomid. I had a terrific pregnancy & was able to relish my breastfeeding relationship. I was proud of my body & what it was providing. When I had my 2nd baby, I expected the same wonderful experience, but it was not to be had. She lost too much weight after birth & through meeting with an LC, we figured out I wasn't making enough milk. I was devastated. I tried EVERYTHING to increase my supply, after all every resource out there says you can increase your supply if you do this or that. But there was no change no matter what I did. So I gave her what I could & supplemented. This past year I gave birth to our son. I had gotten pregnant w/o the help of medication this time & I took goat's rue to encourage breast tissue development. I was confident this time would be different because I was being proactive & my hormones had obviously made some sort of change. but once again I was devastated when my son wasn't gaining weight. I met w/ several LC's who seemed very perplexed as to why things weren't working. I once again tried EVERYTHING from prescription medication to herbs & supplements, extra pumping, etc. My supply would not increase. so I give what I can.
At least weekly (if not more) I go through the mental battle of deciding if I want to continue because it's so frustrating & exhausting at times. And every time I decide to keep going & try once again another method to increase my supply that the resources suggest. But nothing works & I just get more frustrated. I finally came across some articles discussing primary lactation failure. Low & behold I think I found my problem. It's most likely related to my PCOS. Why I was successful w/ my first baby & not the other two confuses me, but I definitely fit the profile of primary lactation failure. I think one of the frustrating parts of this has been that all the breastfeeding resources out there don't really acknowledge this problem. You just see over & over all the things to try & that if you signal your body to make more milk it will. Well sometimes it doesn't. The percentage of women who have this problem is small but I know how incredibly hard this has been for me, so I thought I'd put this out there for others who are possibly struggling w/ the same issue. It doesn't fix the problem, but there's a small amount of comfort in knowing that it's not my fault.
I continue to struggle w/ the choice of sacrificing hours everyday to pump as much as I possibly can for my son. It's inconvenient at times & takes me away from family time. But for now I march ahead doing my best. I know someday I will decide it's time to quit but today is not that day.