Any advice? Warning previous loss of my FI mentioned

skategirl128

I apologize if this is a trigger for anyone. I really don't want to upset anyone.

So today DS spent the day with his nana and two cousins on his Dad's side. We see them often- his aunts are the two I call my sisters.

Well today nana was crafting with the boys and had them write a letter to Santa. She's done this the last few years. This is the first year DS can write independently. When I came up pick up DS she pulled me aside. She apologized for having him write to Santa and handed me the letter with tissues.

DS wrote a letter asking Santa for his Dad back. He added that he would like a new video game and a new switch n go Dino also but I couldn't get past the first line. The entire thing was written by DS invented spelling and all.

Nana said she talked to him about how although Santa is magic he only brings toys. She said he accepted that answer and they talked about his Dad one on one for a while. She also talked to him about SO and DS said he loves him and is happy we have him. I was in tears and I know this had to hurt her too- after all he was her son.

I know there really isn't anything I can say to make it better. I think DS will be ok (when I picked him up he was happy and had moved on) and he knows Santa has his limits. I am also thinking of possibly bringing him back to a counselor, just so he can start to talk about his feelings. We saw one when this happened, but DS couldn't talk yet (he had a severe speech delay) and so we stopped going. He honestly doesn't bring it up often but this is the third time in as many weeks. This is so hard sometimes.

SO committed to spending some one on one time with him too. He teared up when he read the letter also. We both told him that anytime he wants to talk we are here. Both of my parents are still living and I don't know anyone who lost a parent so young. I'm just looking for any advice you ladies may have. I'm so sorry this got so long!

michelle615

I don't have any advice, just hugs. It sounds like you're doing right by your DS

eyenigh

I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that his dad had passed away. That must be so hard for everyone. I know nothing but I think everyone handled it beautifully and I'd be sure to continue to make opportunities for him to hear good things about his dad to be sure he's always a part of his life even if he can't physically be there.

skategirl128

Thanks ladies! We try to talk about his Dad so he "knows" him. I'm going to contact his counselor and let his teacher at school today know just in case.

Helenahhandbasket

I am so sorry.

I don't really have any advice, other than to talk openly and as often as your DS wants to about his dad.  I think this is a difficult time of year for so many people-- I hope you are able to have a happy holiday season with your family.

skategirl128

Thanks again for the support!

Ago

I'm so sorry.  It sounds like you and his nana handled it perfectly.  I actually heard Bruce Perry talk about this at a lecture and it sounds completely normal.  Kids process things in bits and pieces and as long as you are open to listen, you will give him what he needs.  He heard what he needed to hear in that moment to help him process it and may bring it up again in another context, but I don't think he is dwelling on it as much as it seems.  Truly, you guys did so well in the moment.

jellybean529

Hugs to you sweetie. I'm a single parent due to divorce/ex husband moving out of state, but my DD has also gone through a lot of grief/bargaining as well (she's your son's age), granted not as severe as what you're going through. Now that he's getting to be a bit more verbal and expressive, revisiting counseling might be a good thing. I've been taking DD for several months now and we're finally, finally starting to make progress. 

skategirl128

@lildis he's almost 7. (Omg how can that be lol)! I would love to be in touch with her- I don't know anyone in my situation and it's tough sometimes.

Thank you all again for all of your kind words. I really appreciate it. My heart breaks for him sometimes but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing for him.

skategirl128

@lildis ygpm too