NPR- Please help me tread lightly...or shut my mouth — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

NPR- Please help me tread lightly...or shut my mouth

so after a weekend away with some great friends I saw my friends young son (barely 5) in a backless booster seat. We drove together to a few places and I watched him able to move around completely and lurch forward when we stopped short. A few months ago my family was in a 4 car accident where we were at a complete stop and a lady slammed into us at 40+ mph - two cars were totaled (ours included) and two others were badly damaged. If this were to happen to them, her son would be seriously injured. There's no way the loose buckle would keep him restrained and the shoulder strap was at his neck and would likely cause more damage than help. I know she wants what's best and the booster is what her older sister used when her kids were 5 (they are 8 and 11 now) - I chose to keep my mouth shut, but will feel terrible if something happens. As I said in our accident we had been at a complete stop for at least 10 seconds - we could not avoid it and did nothing to cause it! What do I do? Shut up and pray that she isn't in any wrecks - or say something. I don't think our friendship would be damaged by a comment, but I know no ones appreciates being told they are not doing something right...if I should say something how should I approach it?

Re: NPR- Please help me tread lightly...or shut my mouth

  • You could politely tell her your experience and concern and direct her to the AAP recommendations. It's really had sometimes to keep opinions to ourselves but when safety is at stake I think it's okay.
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    ME:44  DH:44    NPNT/TTC #2  since 5/12,   BFP 5/13,   EDD 1/29/14,  MC 6/9/13 at 6w4d.  Started with RE 2/2014.  Dx =  I'm old and, you know, biology and what not.  Decided to go straight to DE IVF.   Four donors rejected by RE before finally approving #5, 8/11/14.   

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    Claire&Cub
  • I questioned things like - oh wow, how do you buckle this tighter? He weighs 50 lbs? (He doesn't) and said I guess I'm nervous after our wreck so I bought our son a monster booster (britax frontier). I think I'm going to have to just be blunt about it - I think she still has his old convertible seat at he. As for my concern - it's everything about the seat he will be flung out of it in a crash like ours and he constantly twists and unbuckled himself to get toys he dropped.
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    _________________________________________________________________
    ME:44  DH:44    NPNT/TTC #2  since 5/12,   BFP 5/13,   EDD 1/29/14,  MC 6/9/13 at 6w4d.  Started with RE 2/2014.  Dx =  I'm old and, you know, biology and what not.  Decided to go straight to DE IVF.   Four donors rejected by RE before finally approving #5, 8/11/14.   

    DE IVF #1 9/2014:  Retrieval 9/22 - 20 mature eggs, 10 for us, 6 fertilized. Transfer 9/27 - one AB and one BC blast. No frosties.  5dp5dt = BFP!!!  Beta #1, 9dp5dt, = 90.   Beta #2, 11dp5dt = 217.  Beta #3, 16dp5dt = 1790.   First US 6 w3d = one baby, measuring slightly ahead, HB = 112!.  Second US 8w2d HB = 171.  Third US 10w2d  HB = 161.   Officially an OB patient.   Holy crap!  We're having a baby!!      ~*~   IT'S A BOY!! ~*~    EDD = 6/14/15

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    AmyCeethay33[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • I don't think I've ever cried so hard. I feel so bad for that mother :'(
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    [Deleted User]
  • I was also going to post the link shared by @JimBobCooter‌. It's absolutely horrifying. I've started saying things because car seat safety is so, so important and very literally a matter of life and death.

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  • I'm a CPST.  Mention it to her.  Remind her of your accident and tell her it makes you more aware/concerned in general. Be nice, and give her info.  But if she chooses not to change, don't push it.  There isn't much you can do at that point.
    -Emma

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  • It sounds like there has been lots of good advice here! I think the suggestions of sharing your experience first, before your concern would be best. You're friend might be less likely to become defensive if the message is delivered this way. Then offer to assist with safer seating options that you'll both feel better about. Good luck!
  • Apollo11235Apollo11235
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    edited December 2014
    It sounds like you've tried the indirect approach, so it may be good to try a more direct approach. You may not be able to do it without hurting her feelings a bit, but try to tell her you're not judging, you're just concerned for her son's safety.

    You may be able to avoid confrontation and help her save face if you emailed/fb messaged her a quick message like, "Hey, I know I mentioned your son's booster seat last time we hung out, and I was curious exactly what the recommendations are for his age and size. The NHTSA says (http://www.safercar.gov/parents/Right-Seat-Age-And-Size-Recommendations.htm) he should be in his convertible seat until he exceeds the height or weight requirements for it. Did he already outgrow the manual's maximum height/weight?" (This is possible, depending on how big he is and what car seat she bought).

    ETA: You may also add, if she's going to use the booster seat, there's a guide for how to safely install and use it here: http://www.safercar.gov/parents/How-To-Install-Backless-Booster-Seats.htm
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  • Thanks everyone. I posted the link to my facebook page and will say something when I see her this week. I know she'll be defensive, but I would feel terrible if he got hurt in an accident.
  • I just put in his stats and according to the chart he meets the booster requirements. So I guess I just need to shut my trap :( because technically she isn't doing anything wrong.
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