T&P could be helpful today (loss) UPDATE In OP

KirstenAlecia

to add......i swear would saying the D word be too much in order to let him know HOW AWFUL HE IS?  Im going to run away. 

vh2014

Oh, that sucks so bad. I can't even imagine. From what you described I think I would have a complete breakdown.

Does mil have any good advice? Since he's her son maybe she'll know how to knock some sense into him. Glad she is there for you. Huge (but gentle) hugs and heap loads of support.

KirstenAlecia

He said it right in front of her. She just shook her head at him. 

I had a meltdown this morning when i was still having some pain. Im really grouchy cause I'm very weak at the moment. I don't even really want to see him right now. I hope he has to work late.

wannabmama23

Oh I'm so sorry for all of this--all of it. I so hope you get just some time to recover emotionally and physically without the H being a jerk. You need a break and some time to take care of you and it sucks so much that he can't help you with that. I'm sure he just has no idea how to deal but that's still not fair--he should at least do more flowers and hugs and less opening his mouth if he can't figure out a good thing to say!
Here's a hug!

Nikolie93

oh no, I am so very sorry. My MC in April was similar to yours, the pain, the blood, it was horrible but I was in the ER when it happened. I can't imagine being home and not have MH's support. 

Can I ask you something because that was a REALLY shitty thing for him to say and I can't even begin to imagine wtf I would do. What kind of personality does he have? Is he normally the type of person to find humor is bad shit that happens in life? 

My first thought is that he said that because humor (as humorless as that is) may be the way he's handling things, but I don't know him. 

*hugs* and more *hugs* 

KirstenAlecia

Nikolie93 said:

oh no, I am so very sorry. My MC in April was similar to yours, the pain, the blood, it was horrible but I was in the ER when it happened. I can't imagine being home and not have MH's support. 

Can I ask you something because that was a REALLY shitty thing for him to say and I can't even begin to imagine wtf I would do. What kind of personality does he have? Is he normally the type of person to find humor is bad shit that happens in life? 

My first thought is that he said that because humor (as humorless as that is) may be the way he's handling things, but I don't know him. 

*hugs* and more *hugs* 

He will do humor in every situation yes. And he has shocked me before and my mouth dropped on several occasions......but this has me appalled. 

Its more than clear to me that me made a huge effort to disconnect from this in the very beginning. but the kid/pool comment.....im in a bit of shock even though i know he is the way he is.

I just thought everyone could recognize those lines that should not be crossed. 

Nikolie93

I can imagine you are in shock, I would be too. 

I hate to see you going through this during an already rough time. Have you thought about talking to him? Getting him to try and tell you how he REALLY feels. 

I felt as if MH just wasn't grieving like someone whose wife just had a MC but after some time, after I asked him at random times, he finally broke down. 

I wish I could do something to make this better for you *hug*

KirstenAlecia

Well its started again. I told him.....he said "you have an appt at 9 am tomorrow it will be ok"

So I have a feeling tomorrow i will be getting the D&C anyway. What I'm going through can't be normal.....its been 4 day....and 3 of them spent in excruciating pain for at least the majority of the day with can't be right.

URMySunshine77

@KirstenAlecia, your posts make my heart ache. I hope that you can start to find physical peace tomorrow.

wvarn

@KirstenAlecia I'm so sorry your having to go through this and alone makes it worse.  I wish he would get his head out of his ass and see you need him right now.  You are in my thoughts and Prayers for this to physically be done with this so the emotional healing can take place.  

colinsfebmommy

I'm so sorry! Hugs!

kelley72

I am so sorry you have gone through this, I wish nothing but healing for you.  

Nikolie93

@kirstenalecia I hope your appointment goes well today. FYI, I bled and was in pain for a few days with one of my MC's as well. It ended up passing naturally. Please keep us posted *hug*

Radiantly

I just caught up here on your OP and then your update - I am so glad he is finally realizing this is a major life moment here, and it's a fucking painful ordeal you're having to go through.

did he apologize about the kid at the pool reference? What a hurtful thing to even imagine being said to me in that state. 

So sorry.

But like posters are saying, you can finally start the real healing process.

xo 

hugs

Davie813

I am so, so sorry that you're going through all of this, and I'm wishing for quick healing, emotional and physical, for you.

When I read about your husband's comments, I thought they sounded like something my DH would say.  I asked him, and he admitted that they kind of were.  I say that because I'm not sure that in an appropriate context they're totally beyond the pale.  If you and your DH have a relationship where that sort of humor normally flies, maybe the issue is that he's just not really understanding your emotional state right now, not that he's being a jerk, per se?

I really hope you two can come together to talk and understand better how the other one is feeling.  You both need each other right now.

Hugs to you; you and your DH are in my thoughts. >:D<

flyliceandcoffee

I'm so so sorry you're still having to deal with this on a physical level at the very least. It does not help with the emotional healing in any way. I hope your appt goes well today. I think it's actually fairly normal to bleed for quite some time during a mc. I know I was bleeding for about 2 weeks, it would lighten up and then get heavy again as more passed. I have a friend whose bleeding lasted for a month. I hope you and your husband can get through this together and that he comes around, or at the very least, can try to understand how this is affecting you.

KirstenAlecia

Its all over ladies. 

Im glad. I could not take any more mentally or physically nor could i take anymore stupid things that seem to fly out of my H's mouth. 

Turns out my cervix was dilated quite i bit but not quite enough. My dr was able to take care of it in office  because the "material" was right there at the opening and when she was done the US looked clear. I think my body had kept trying but not quite succeeding. I left with a list of things to watch for and antibiotics just in case. 

Now hopefully i can stop crying and whining in these posts. Gonna rest and recover and look for some opportunities this season to do for others. Im feeling particularly lucky to have you ladies and my best friend who i have called late at night a couple times scared out of my mind and alone. I feel the need to pay it forward into the world as a show of gratitude. 

wannabmama23

Glad it's over! I hope you can now find some peace.
I think expressing gratitude and paying it forward are great steps in healing!

wvarn

KirstenAlecia said:

Its all over ladies. 

Im glad. I could not take any more mentally or physically nor could i take anymore stupid things that seem to fly out of my H's mouth. 

Turns out my cervix was dilated quite i bit but not quite enough. My dr was able to take care of it in office  because the "material" was right there at the opening and when she was done the US looked clear. I think my body had kept trying but not quite succeeding. I left with a list of things to watch for and antibiotics just in case. 

Now hopefully i can stop crying and whining in these posts. Gonna rest and recover and look for some opportunities this season to do for others. Im feeling particularly lucky to have you ladies and my best friend who i have called late at night a couple times scared out of my mind and alone. I feel the need to pay it forward into the world as a show of gratitude. 

Cry and whine all you want and need to dear. That is the good thing about a online community and board, you can sling snot all that you need to and there will be someone here.  I hope your recovery come quickly and smoothly. Really want to send you a weird internet hug.  My heart hurts for you. 

Edited to add gif

KirstenAlecia

wvarn said:

KirstenAlecia said:

Its all over ladies. 

Im glad. I could not take any more mentally or physically nor could i take anymore stupid things that seem to fly out of my H's mouth. 

Turns out my cervix was dilated quite i bit but not quite enough. My dr was able to take care of it in office  because the "material" was right there at the opening and when she was done the US looked clear. I think my body had kept trying but not quite succeeding. I left with a list of things to watch for and antibiotics just in case. 

Now hopefully i can stop crying and whining in these posts. Gonna rest and recover and look for some opportunities this season to do for others. Im feeling particularly lucky to have you ladies and my best friend who i have called late at night a couple times scared out of my mind and alone. I feel the need to pay it forward into the world as a show of gratitude. 

Cry and whine all you want and need to dear. That is the good thing about a online community and board, you can sling snot all that you need to and there will be someone here.  I hope your recovery come quickly and smoothly. Really want to send you a weird internet hug.  My heart hurts for you. 

Edited to add gif

lol.....thank you! I love it! 

Well Im officially crazy. Im gonna go take on a photo session today. 

Step one in Plan "get back to normal"

I feel better today than i have all week since my body is no longer trying and failing at this whole sad event. 

We have also been benched till March for TTC. My husband is now questioning whether he wants to. In the end i think I can sway him though. We will start checking into my health in general and my reproductive health in January starting with my thyroid. One more appt next week then non till January. Let the healing begin! 

hooligans4

I can't believe I haven't checked this post all week! I'm sorry I wasn't there to help support you, but the other lady's did an amazing job.
Your husband is an ass hole. I have no other words to describe his brutal behavior. Don't make excuses for his behavior, it was just plain cruel.
I'm glad you are going to focus on you. You need to cry and act however you want. You have been through a traumatic event and it can't be just pushed to the side now that it's over. Go to your best friend and MIL for support. They seem like a great support for you.
This community will always listen and be there for you.
Hugs

Nikolie93

Hey lady! I'm so very glad it's all over, you can finally move forward to for the mental healing. And don't you worry about coming in here and talking about how you feel, that's what we are here for!

Don't pay much attention to your H saying he may not want to try again. Mine said that with all my losses and here we are... Trying one more time.

Good luck :x

AuntieMissy76

Men are completely different than us. I know I get so uncomfortable and don't know what to say at funerals that I wind up stifling laughter. I am not an insensitive person, and feel the sadness deeply, it just makes me so uncomfortable that the nerves translate all that emotion to laughter. It's such a horrifying reaction. Men, similarly, don't generally process emotions or fear or sadness in the same way women do. Freaking out at them instead of understanding that they are flailing and making jokes because they can't process properly only makes them retreat farther. They don't know that just sitting next to you silently is better than leaving the house or avoiding you. They can't see past their own discomfort and they figure you're better off not having to deal with them and their weirdness on top of what you are going through. In your moments of clarity, of calmness, between the crashing storm, try to explain to him what you are going through, and in a rational way explain to him how his behaviour and comments make you feel. I guarantee that if he came around and was there for you in the end he wants to be - he is just having a hard time figuring out how.

My DH is the quiet rock who doesn't leave my side no matter how emotionally irrational I get. He sticks it out quietly until I come around and realize I'm being a freak. My father, on the other hand, was the 'run and hide until it's over and there is no chance of you cracking an awkward joke and making everything worse' kind. By explaining your feelings and reactions to him rationally you can convert him from one kind to the other. My mother was just never rational enough to help my father.

KirstenAlecia

@Hooligans4 please don't be sorry for anything. If Nobody read these insanely emotional posts of mine it would still be therapeutic for me to get it out.....where I can read it and process it. Lucky for me I have a board full of women here who i feel are behind me and understanding every step of the way. You and every one else are a blessing to me.

I had a great weekend of work and a liiiiiitle tiny bit of social time with family and friends (yup the ones that are expecting that i had a hard time with initially) And then......well it all came crashing down on me again. All it took was one little text from my sister in law (the one who it ended ip we told EACH OTHER we were pg) They took my parents out to dinner and got to tell them their good news. All of 24 hours after i had to tell my parents our bad news. I had let her know i wanted her not to have to hold off telling them......to please give them something to be happy about since my news made my mom cry and I'm sure my dad took it as hard. I meant that.....but it still took me down emotionally to know the good news had been delivered. 

I know from the advice and support you girls have all given me that this is going to be an ongoing battle of ups and downs. 

Im so very happy for my brother and sister in law. But i was even more excited that we were going to be mommies together. 

My husband let me cry. He cuddled me......left the jokes out thank God. 

This is just going to be hard isn't it? 

I pray everyday for strength. 

Nikolie93

Yes hon, it's just going to be hard. I never thought I would get better and although I know it doesn't help you now, it will get a bit easier.

I am a big advocate of counseling if you feel as if you don't feel you're getting any better at all. It's a good sign that you had a little bit of social time.

Big *hugs*