Feeling extra sad today :( (pregnancy, loss and children mentioned)

FutureMrsBaldwin2012

Our two year wedding anniversary is in a couple of days and it is bittersweet for me. It also marks two years of TTC. I really never thought that it would end up this way. When we got married we were so excited to start trying for a baby. Now two years later all we have is a huge pile of IF debt and no baby to show for it. I'm still awaiting my d&c scheduled for December 10 and I feel like I'm constantly being slapped in the face with pregnancy announcements, baby pictures, etc. Will the sadness ever go away? I broke down crying at work last night because I overheard coworkers talking about how they were surprised on Thanksgiving by their daughters with pregnancy announcements and how they will be grandmas in July. My baby was due in July. I'm even more depressed because I don't know what our next step will be and I'm terrified of having to suffer another loss. I figured if anybody would understand, you girls will. It's just not fair to have to go through what we are going through and I'm very bitter about it right now

Justone13

Im so sorry sweets. There isn't anything I can say that will make it better but know we are here to support you. Sending big hugs.

mrsCW

I'm so sorry you're going through this! The whole IF process is so hard! The bitterness is totally normal (or maybe that's just what I tell myself!). Allow yourself some time to grieve & then focus on being positive & optimistic when you can! Take care of yourself!

ronniesgirl1981

You've been through so much. All of your feelings are absolutely justified. I'll be thinking about you.

MamaKakes611

I think it is only normal.... I too feel like I have been bombarded with pregnancy announcements, etc... I keep wondering if it will ever get easier and when it will be "my turn".  I can only stick with what I know to be true thus far in life- everything happens for a reason.
Sending love and hugs to you.

katers79

I'm so sorry. This is a hard enough time of year already- I can't even imagine what you are feeling. ((Hugs))

emmuffy

I'm so sorry for your loss. Big hugs

shadiddynyc

It's ok to feel the way you do. We notice baby announcements more than anyone because it's the thing we want the most. When I started my job this yr there were four coworkers that were pregnant & one out on maternity leave. You just sit back & think, will it ever be your turn but I have faith that It will be my turn one day. I hope you feel better.

FutureMrsBaldwin2012

Thanks ladies, I'm just reaching a point where I think I'm giving up. IVF was our last resort. We certainly don't have the money to do a whole new fresh cycle so that doesn't leave us with many other options. I just want this sadness/anger to go away. It is really affecting my relationships with my friends that have babies. I find myself feeling angry with them, and not wanting to talk it be around them.

CML11

I can sympathize. My SIL and brother just got married and they announced their BPF on thanksgiving. It sucks. Even worse is their due date is the same day mine would have been if we had not had our recent loss. I will forever have the reminder of what milestones my child would be at by their new little one. I want to be excited for them, but I just have to distance myself from them. It's just too hard.
I get it. Hugs to you, I'm so sorry.

Erma81

I completely understand how you feel. Hubby and I also started to TTC on our wedding anniversary, 4 years ago, so our wedding anniversary is a bit bittersweet. IF is tough, unfair and soul breaking. And it's so normal to feel down/angry/sad/or all of this from time to time. Hang in there, I hope you'll have your little miracle soon. Hugs to you!

Sha259

I'm so sorry that you are going through this painful experience hun (((HUGS))). IF is like a knife in the gut, and losses just make you want to punch life. It SUCKS!! Unfortunately, too many of us have been there. I agree with @buttmonkey34, the only thing that makes it remotely any better, is being really good to yourself, and the passage of time.

I still cannot talk to people about their children or pregnancies without wincing, and feeling pissed at life. I am 6dp5dt (FET) and think I am more scared of a positive than a BFN at this point. I've tried not to think about it. I think of my frosties, and wonder how often can I go through with transfers and keep my sanity.

Please please just take the time to feel the feelings that you have, without regret or guilt. Be sad, be pissed, be selfish, and don't talk to people if you don't feel up to it. You are mourning. But also, do this with the thought that you are not your fertility in the back of your mind. IF does not define you, or your whole life experience, even though it may feel like it most days.

Dyork

I'm sorry you have to deal with this *superhugs*. I don't know if it ever goes away, but I think your feelings are totally normal. I had a feeling this holiday season was going to be tough, so I decided to make a bucket list. And it's all stuff to try and keep me positive, like write down something that made me happy everyday (no matter how small it is), take a picture of something that I'm grateful for, and hopefully read an IF book. 

As positive as I'm trying to be, I'm all for taking time to be grumpy and miserable for a while.