Help me kick my kid out of our bed...with love :) — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Help me kick my kid out of our bed...with love :)

background...we have a 4.5 year old - babies will be exactly 5 years apart. DS was the perfect sleeper until DH and I started having significant marital issues and almost divorced a little over a year ago. DS started coming into our bed around 3am every morning - most mornings we don't notice because we slept with our backs to each other, not touching - we currently put a crib mattress on the floor and he goes there and wakes up every few hours to ask to come to our bed.
This has not been terrible - however, I'm going to add a snoogle to our queen sized bed in about a month...and when baby comes the rock n play will be in our room and I'm hoping to nurse like I did, so we may wake up DS1 when baby cries. We are looking into a king sized bed, which helps for space at least - but now that DH and I are getting along, we'd like to get it on in the mornings because we are exhausted at night and sex is becoming a chore again (not like cleaning a toilet, but takes too much energy to get in the mood!)
I had a fire when I was younger and refuse to lock my son in his room (and I recognize that would be the best help!) - I still refuse, I'd never sleep.
He doesn't respond to charts or rewards - he does to praise though.
Anyone have out of the box ideas?!

Poor kid has been in a transition phase since June! Long-term visitors that took his room and bed, job out of town where we stayed in a hotel for a month in the same room, and moving unexpectedly! We are still in a temporary rental (month to month) while we look to buy a home...but with the current market it may not be until April!!! Help me!!

Re: Help me kick my kid out of our bed...with love :)

  • Maybe take him to the store and let him pick out his own new bedding. Get him really excited to sleep in his very own bed. Maybe a new stuffed animal too.

    You could also get him a walkie talkie or just put a baby monitor in there and let him know if he needs you he can call and you will come.

    I would certainly not lock him in there but have you considered a baby gate?
    Baby Boy 3 is on the way! 
    Due 1/21/17
  • What about the OK to wake alarm clock? I love the idea about giving him ownership in his new room - maybe for Christmas you could let him pick out a new theme for him room and change the bedding and decorations so he feels ownership over his new big boy room. Then, use the Ok to wake alarm clock- it turns green when it's ok for him to get up. Of course, you would need to model this to him several times so he understands The idea. I agree about Definitely not locking him in his room- that is a fire hazard.
  • edited November 2014
    This may be tough and take some time, especially when sleep is so valuable (maybe hubby will agree to do it...) but what PP ( @scgirl6113‌) said above, so he's excited about his room, and then when he comes to you at night gently walk him back to his own bed. No matter how many times. This could take a bit, but it worked great with my daughter and only took a few weeks, with the nightly trips decreasing each night.

    Don't give him attention or snuggles or cuddles, so that he doesn't keep lookin for that in the middle of the night, just quietly walk him back to his bed.
    Friends since 2010 Couple since May 2013 Married on September 20, 2014 BFP on Sept 29, 2013 --2 days after returning from our honeymoon! DH has 2 kids, DS 21, and DD 20. I have 1 DD, 9 years old. photo imagejpg1_zps607c3ff5.jpg photo d73df80d-90ce-42a7-9957-d6ba6fc01682_zps6f945c37.jpg

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  • We're going through the same thing with DD (2.5). She was a great sleep until she was potty trained. She potty trained fully over a weekend and sleep went away with that. It started with her just her coming into out room in the middle of the night and us taking her on our bed because we were too tired. And then it progressed into just putting her to sleep in our bed because she'd end of the shortly after I crawled into bed. In July we went through a few sleepless nights where we became very firm that she was not coming onto out bed and she was to sleep in the crib mattress on our bedroom floor. We had to be very firm and we filled our king bed with stuffers animals so that there was on too for DH and I, no too for DD on the bed. She cried but we stuck it out. She got used to sleeping on the crib mattress on the floor and stopped trying to get into our bed. Then we had to move her back into her bedroom. We knew that she wasn't going without a fight (and her actual bed is a nice double size). So, we moved a mattress onto the floor in her bedroom for DH or I. We took turns for 3-4 weeks sleeping on that bed in DDs bedroom. Now we've hit the stage where DH and I are finally both back in the same bed at night and DD is in her room by herself. We are still working on getting her to go to sleep by herself as she has needed one of us to stay with her until she's asleep since the massive sleep regression in May..... Baby steps.

    I also won't lock DD in her room. It isn't about safety for me it's about the fact that I want DD to know that she can come to us if she is really scared or really in need. The way that we have been approaching it is to tell DD what the next steps are going to be. We lay out what we want as the end goal and why and then reassure DD that we are going to make sure that she is comfortable at each stage before we do something else. For Dd it is taking a bit longer at each stage but I'm hoping this means that we can have something firmly in place before the baby comes. 

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  • Thank you ladies for those ideas. He has an amazing super hero room - in our current rental he's in a different size he has dinosaur sheets and a nursery looking room. I will try the ok to wake clock. DH and I are on the same page, but we also need sleep...if he weren't so darn adorable it would be easier to let him cry at night...we never had to CIO when he was a baby - he was such a great sleeper and self-soothed. I'll try the clock and see what happens. Will order tomorrow for cyber Monday :)
    [Deleted User]
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