June 2015 Moms

Update rant 2: rant alert: Late night at the in-laws...kill me.

a5swansona5swanson member
edited November 2014 in June 2015 Moms
So I just had to get this off my chest. I'm at my inlaws in ohio for thanksgiving weekend. DH usually has one night where he will meet up with his school friends and they'll go to bars and whoop it up. Fine, totally cool. I think it's good for him to do that stuff and I'm fine with hanging with my sisters in law.

He shows up at like 3am totally bombed. Like, college frat house drunk. Needs to be taken care of, banging around, waking up his whole house...needs a rug cleaned cause he barfed on it. Like OMG I could kill him. So after tending to my 6'3" 215lb baby for twoish hours, while he says, "I'm sooo sorry" 400x between hiccups, I prop him up on his side, give him the barf bucket and go downstairs on the couch to finally try and sleep. This is the father of my unborn child. Lovely. (Now don't get me wrong...this hasn't happened in like YEARS. He's usually not one to get drunk at all anymore. We'd be having a way different issue if this were a regularly scheduled event)

Now..my FIL is up for the day, brewing coffee, farting loudly in the kitchen and lighting up his first of many cigarettes which will woft nicely through the entire house all day.

Fuck this, get me home. I figured someone may get some enjoyment from this complete white-trash evening I'm having. That's all.

Baby #1 for Allie and Mike!
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BFP on Sept 29, 2014: our 2 year anniversary


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Re: Update rant 2: rant alert: Late night at the in-laws...kill me.

  • I would NOT handle that situation well! The drunken dh is one thing, and manageable (mostly), but the smoking and noises would just boil my blood! Best of luck!!!

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  • My H had one crazy night out while I was pregnant with DS. He slept on the couch for several days as a result, and I read him the riot act, pretty much.



    If you werent so tired bc of the crap from last night, I'd say pack up and leave to go home. Except your H will likely be unable to travel dur to a massive hangover. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this.

    DS1 born 3.15.2011
    DS1 edd 6.21.2015
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  • Good lawd woman you have patience!!! Hope the day goes fast and you are able to take a nap today.
  • jesscmvjesscmv member
    edited November 2014
    You are very patient! I would have drove home and picked him up later or went to a hotel. Taking care of DH, ok whatever we've all been there. Like yeah it sucks but mine has done that for me before.

    The cigarette smoke would have made me want to vomit!!! Do they know your pregnant? My mom is a smoker and she will not smoke around me because she knows how much I hate it and I'm pregnant!

    I'm so sorry that happened to you and hopefully you can have restful and uneventful rest of the weekend. Good luck!
  • Oh geez, I hope the rest of the weekend calms down. Looks like your patience is in good shape - good news for when your LO arrives! 
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  • jbartsyjbartsy member
    edited November 2014
    Goodness gracious, you have the patience of a saint to even agree to going in the first place.  Being around smoke is a huge dealbreaker for me even when I'm not pregnant.  And I'm happy I haven't had one of those incidences with my husband in a long time.

    Good luck with staying sane for the rest of your stay. :)
    BFP#1: 9/21/13  EDD: 5/31/14 m/mc @ 7w6d on 10/27/13
    BFP#2: 10/4/14  EDD: 6/7/15  DD born 6/4/15💕
    BFP#3: 12/24/19 EDD: 9/6/20
  • You're a MUCH nicer person than I am. DH and all our friends know that I no longer pander to drunk people, pregnant or not. My philosophy is, you're an adult going into the situation and if you choose to get that wasted, you can take care of your damn self. Don't wake me up, throw up in my vicinity or otherwise whine to me about how badly you feel unless you want to see just how mean and unsympathetic this tiny little person can be. I had enough of that in college.

    Also I would've punched my FIL in the face if he smoked around me. Hell no, especially while I'm pregnant!

    Good luck with the rest of your trip! Take care of yourself!!!
  • Like @Bednarova‌ my DH had a couple of those nights when I was pregnant before DD was born. He has totally tamed himself since then and is a great father. Very frustrating indeed. I would not be willing to stay there with the smoking.

    You are definitely a patient woman!
    Lilypie - (bDmZ)Lilypie - (SUYh)
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  • You poor thing! You lost me at making coffee, farting and smoking cigarettes in the house- how disgusting. It's a shame today will probably be a write off fo your husband also :(
  • @a5swanson, I can relate to a LOT of this because my H's family has some major "cultural" differences from how we want to raise a family as well. My H realizes how screwed up a lot of it is, but because it's family, we do visit and put up with it. I feel much less keen on visiting as often in the future and putting my kids through any version of what he went through, though, so that will be interesting to work out as time passes... One thing I look forward to is the possibility of just inviting his mom & stepdad, not the others, to ours for Christmas when we have a house someday! 
    Rainbow Baby? {2.1.21}
    MC at 8 weeks {EDD 9.2.20}
    Rainbow Girl! {2.28.16}Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby boy, lost at 16 weeks {EDD 6.10.15}


  • a5swanson said:

    I feel like I need to make another rant re: the smoking since it's a hot button for a lot of you all (and me too):

    We have a GIANT cultural (? That's the best word I can think of) divide with DHs family and my opinions about smoking. My fil has smoked in the house for DHs whole life. It was only until DH went away to college and came back home that he realized how it actually bothered his eyes, allergies, respiratory tract, etc. I think that's the first time he saw another person (me) complain that in the 2000s someone would actually still smoke indoors. His dad is super selfish in my opinion and no one would ever truly stand up to him on any opinions because he'd basically just ignore you if you brought something up like that to him. It's a long line of passive aggressors and silent treatments. Lovely, right?

    Now here's part two to this whole thing: DHs brother has two children. They also smoke...around their kids! In the car, in parts of the house. I've never seen them hold the baby with a cig but they definitely have specific rooms in their house where they'll smoke. I think the car smoking with small kids/ babies is unforgivable though. It's so awful. They have an 11 month old! They gave the 11month old pop (or soda) in a sippy cup the other day. Pop!!! They have like no regard for that kind of thing. The older boy,who is 9 has been eating just straight up junk food since he was a baby too! It's sad and an absolute wonder he's not obese! (He's a great kid actually)

    They're a very nice and loving family. Just must be really uneducated or not care or I have no idea. I know DH has a hard time with these things too. He knows this stuff is fucked up, but it's still his family. They're still his parents and he loves them. Because of some of these issues he already senses my frustration with the "cultural" issues and it hurts him. I understand that. I think he's also hurt because he sees all the issues: health, selfishness, passive aggression, conspiracy theories (don't even get me started). Imagine like, coming home from college and getting a fresh perspective and realizing over the course of 10 years that your family is really kinda...bat shit crazy. Scary, right? I feel for him.

    It will be hard when we have the convo that the baby will not be coming to the smoky house. It's going to be a shock to the family too. "Big bad Allie says the baby can't come here because of the smoke! The other kids are here all the time?! She's so crazy!" I truly don't care though. DH will get on board. I'm thinking about having our doctor have a convo with both of us about 2nd hand smoke risks for baby. It would be great if he came to that conclusion first. Either way, our baby won't be visiting here.

    Sigh. Thanks for reading everyone. This is hard.

    That's so frustrating. It's posts like these that make me glad we have a law in our province that you can't smoke in any public buildings/spaces/restaurants OR with children in the car (I think anyone under 12 or 16). Not that it helps the smoking in the house issue, but people generally wouldn't side-eye a mum for not bringing a baby into a smoke filled house, at least in my community.

    Stay strong with your convictions, there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping the health of your LO as your number 1 priority.
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  • Wow. hang in there! When do you leave?




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  • Ugh, omg.  Definitely stick to your guns with the smoking issues.  That would be so frustrating.  Sorry for the crappy day.
  • My FIL smokes inside too. Granted it isn't too often and their house didn't really hold the odor (leather couch, stone and tile, in fact they had so little furniture that it was really uncomfortable). I can handle drunken husband if I know it's coming, but I'm still usually pissed. I don't know if it's possible, but you should call a local day spa and get a massage. I will not tolerate smoking around a baby, but you can just tell the in-laws that you need to stay in a hotel because the baby can't be around noises and/or smoking. Don't let it turn into a discussion or a debate, and don't let DH go soft with them. Just make the reservation and let them know a week before you arrive.
    J'15 January Signature Challenge: Pinterest Fail: I want to do one, but I was late in starting and now I'm too lazy to get in on it. This is how most of my pinterest fails normally occur, at least I didnt buy supplies.

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  • Uhhhhhgfggg all I can say is sorry lady, and hope the light at the end of the tunnel is close

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  • I'm happy that you're already planning on sticking to your guns re: the baby being around smoke. I can relate because the ONLY person in our lives that smokes is my MIL and I've already told DH that if she wants to visit the baby, she can come to our house in a clean change of clothes. I already rarely go over there myself... even though she doesn't smoke in the house while we're there, she does the rest of the time, and I have a huge allergy flareup every single time we're over there. I realize that it's his mom, but I'm not going to compromise my or my baby's health to avoid hurting her feelings.
    BFP#1: 9/21/13  EDD: 5/31/14 m/mc @ 7w6d on 10/27/13
    BFP#2: 10/4/14  EDD: 6/7/15  DD born 6/4/15💕
    BFP#3: 12/24/19 EDD: 9/6/20
  • edited November 2014


    You poor thing! I'm sure once you get home, that will never be spoken of again. I hope he realizes what you're having to deal with. My FIL comes to stay with us every few months... except when he leaves this time to Portugal... he's not coming back here. I had to put my foot down. Enough is enough.
  • Also doing time at the in laws in OH. Leaving tomorrow...feel your pain. Not smoking, burping or early morning coffee making but they take passive aggressiveness to a whole new level. And haven't seen DS since he was 4 mos old (he's 2 1/2 now). So not super involved and I just feel in the way.
    TTC since 2009 started going to RE 5/2011:
    Polyp removed/hypothyriod 6/2011
    7/2011 IUI#1 w/ 150 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger BFN
    8/2011 IUI#2 w/225 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger BFN
    10/2011 IUI#3 w/300 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger (BFP)
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