Any other single & pregnant ladies?

daniellefidelity

I hate to vent here, but I know this is the one place I can feel not so alone in this.

As soon as my boyfriend found out I was pregnant he begged me for an abortion. Long story short, he left me. I've been dealing with SEVERE morning sickness and have been off work from it. He hasn't even seen me to see if I'm okay. Now I'm told he is moving to another state to be with his other daughter and can't be a father to this child. I can't comprehend any of this.

I'm rambling but... If any of you ladies are having trouble with your relationship or will be a single mother as well, just know you won't be alone in this and you can do it. ❤️

Trampslikeus

If you search back a bit, there are several lovely mamas here in a similar boat. Maybe you guys could start a weekly check in like the pgal and high risk mamas, it may be a good way to find consistent support and a good place to vent.

Emilia0659

My boyfriend is having a lot of trouble coping with this as well. He begged for an abortion for weeks. Obviously, I ended up keeping it, but now our relationship is falling apart. All he wants to do is go out and drink with his friends. We could make plans three weeks prior and if his friends call him up, he's with them in a heartbeat.
I'm currently out of state and he told me that he is enjoying how quiet the apartment is and that he didn't want me to call him while I was gone. I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. One minute, he wants this baby, but the next, he comes home with alcohol poisoning.

atj13ne

@Emilia0659‌ from someone who was in ur exact position with my ex, please take it from me when I say, Either he needs to get it together, or you need to get out! I am not judging you, but I lived that, and even went on to have a 2nd with him, it was terrible. He would get better, and then after a bit go right back to his old ways. Idk your boyfriend, maybe he will he different, just please dont do what I did for 10 yrs and wait for him to get better if he isnt going to save urself the heartache.

brittpalo

I am glad I'm not the only one going through this...I am 34 and about 10 week pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend off and on since January this week. During one of the "on" times, apparently I got pregnant. We are not together anymore, he has a bad temper and got very angry and violent after he found out I was pregnant. I am now having to do this on my own. I do have family, but they live about 2 hours from me. I never thought I would be going through something like this, it's just not how I planned or I'm sure anyone would plan! I was supposed to meet my mr. right, fall in love, get married, travel the world, thennnnn later on, get pregnant. It all happened backwards it seemed. However, I am a Christian. I know God does not make mistakes, this baby is part of his plan. I hope we can all support each other, lift each other up, laugh and cry together along the way! We single moms are stronger than we think, stronger than we can imagine. God will never give us more than we can handle  

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amooraxo

Although not in this situation my heart goes out to you and all the other single mama's out there. I couldn't imagine going through this alone and you are all so admirable for your tough decisions. 

We are all here for love and support & wish you all the best in your pregnancy and beyond

AmyCee

I cannot offer single mom advice - but, will suggest that you try to attend some al anon meetings. If he's finding soloce in alcohol and it's affecting you this way, it really can help. During our first pregnancy I realized my DH was an alcoholic and was too embarrassed to do anything. I thought he'd quit when the baby came but he just hid it more. I lived a sh!tty 4.5 years with him until I found al anon (he did get sober and find help) but only when I realized that regardless of whether I stay with him or not I needed support from those who understood did I get better! You will likely find others that have lived your situation and can help you handle what is thrown to you.

Emilia0659

@atj13ne‌
I appreciate the advice. I'm so confused on what to do. He's the greatest boyfriend in the world when it's just us spending time together, but he moment he takes a sip of alcohol or if he sees one of his friends, he turns into this giant douche. It's awful.
I'm hoping it will change, but at the same time, I feel like I'm hoping for the impossible.

MrsCaliRN

@daniellefidelity The fact that you created this thread shows how much courage you already have! My mom was a young single mother from Day 1, raised in an extremely traditional, Baptist family, but she will shout from the rooftops to this day that being a mother is the most important and fulfilling thing in her life. We all have different journeys to motherhood, riddled with issues and imperfect moments. Sometimes those moments are so hard that we feel like giving up, but what is important is that we focus on our inherent strength and that we are the strongholds for our LOs. So much can change and happen in 40 weeks and I just want to encourage all of you to have faith and pray (if that is something you do) because you totally can do this and what matters is that you focus on the miracle that you're giving life to right now, despite your circumstance.

You got this, ladies. Talk it out, cry it out, do whatever you have to because you are going to make it, and you're going to be even better mommies for it one day.

carolyngrace

Emilia0659 said:

@atj13ne‌ I appreciate the advice. I'm so confused on what to do. He's the greatest boyfriend in the world when it's just us spending time together, but he moment he takes a sip of alcohol or if he sees one of his friends, he turns into this giant douche. It's awful. I'm hoping it will change, but at the same time, I feel like I'm hoping for the impossible.

This sounds a LOT like someone's situation who I know... Their child is now 6 years old, they stayed together, and he's FINALLY clean (going on 1 year) and choosing to cut off his friends. But she went through 5 years of him binge drinking, not wanting the kid (even after he was there), and acting all around shitty/abusive. I honestly don't know how she did it. And I know the kid has seen and heard so many things he shouldn't have at his young age...

No one can make the decision but you! But if it were me I would take a step back until he was clean and healthy. You can't make him change, he's gotta do that on his own. Good luck with everything either way.

deutschbaby

I can give you the 10 years later/light at the end of the tunnel viewpoint:

I was a single mom with my DS. Got pg at 20, my sophomore year in college. It was hard, but we did ok. I managed to finish my degree (took a year off) and then went on to get 2 masters degrees. My son is 12 now and such a great kid (although he had major hormonal preteen attitude today LOL). In a way we grew up together. When he was 10 I met the man of my dreams. We got married in May and are now expecting our first together. I worried for a long time that I would not meet someone worthwhile because I was a single mom, but when the right guy came along it wasn't a problem ;-)

My son's dad was my college BF and he pretty much bailed right away (alcohol was a major issue for him back then). We finally split for good when DS was 9 months. Now he's married, lives 1,000 miles away, but sees DS 4x a year. He's not a great dad, but he's his dad (he acts more like his "buddy" which is hard cause DS get spoiled a lot there and doesn't have rules). It was hard for us to get to a good place but we use mediation and made it work. He pays child support on time (I'm lucky in that regard).

Build your support team now. Friends, family, online groups, whomever you need. I agree with the pp who suggested al anon. That was a lifesaver for me. Even if your BF can't step up, YOU can do this. This will be an amazing, awesome, challenging, but oh so rewarding experience for you. You have my best wishes and full support. Feel free to message me directly if you ever just need to vent/talk. I've been there!