Fiancé will be at basic training for birth

emmiemorgie14

I am 15 weeks pregnant my fiancé is due to ship to basic and advanced training for national guard January 6, my due date is May 10. I'm scared because he will miss baby's birth and first 2 months of baby's life. He tells me he wants to get discharged because he doesn't want to miss out on half of my pregnancy and baby's birth and first months of life. Part if me wants him to go because I know he wanted to be in the service but the other part wants him here and can see how depressed he is about leaving. Just need someone to talk to and how they would feel in this situation. Please please please write to me. Also this is my first pregnancy.

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emmiemorgie14

When he enlisted he told me he was doing 3 years. It wasn't really a discussion we were already engaged and I told him I didn't want him joining. My best friend did right after highschool and just my best friend being gone was so hard on me. But the day we went and he signed contract and had swear in ceremony after he told me he joined for 8 years. I completely freaked out because he didn't talk to me first. He knew I was worried about our future, and him being gone but he said he thought about it and it's what he wanted to do. Now he wants to try and get discharged and I have told him to stay with his commitment. And that I know it will be hard but now that I'm farther along I'm getting more emotional I am and scared and want him there for birth and I feel bad because before he joined I told him I didn't want him to Because I didn't want him to miss out on children we were going to have. And now i don't know what to do.

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katiebug66

It's hard. My DH was gone my entire pregnancy, made it home a week before birth. I can tell you it will be hard and it will be hard for him. But it does help provide a good life. However, this is part of it and it can feel like the timing is always the worse. I agree with others that you both need to have a very long talk because this is a big decision. 

emmiemorgie14

Thanks. I do want to continue with support for him to stay, I'm also afraid since he doesn't want to go that he will resent me if I tell him not to get discharged and he goes then is mad at me. He keeps telling me that it is not going to help that much and it's not that much more money and he is trying to talk me into telling him to stay. Part of it I think is he has a five year old and his baby momma didn't let him be apart of his sons life till he was 2 years old. And he tells me he doesn't want to miss out on this child's life like he has with his son. I may just be over emotional but I find this very hard to deal with. Every time we talk about it the conversation is the same Because I don't know what to say to tell him to go or stay. I told him I want him to go but I also will miss him and it will be hard. He also doesn't want to go because he found out his grandma is dying of cancer and they said he won't be able to come home for funeral.

2undertwo2bee

My husband is active duty. If he hasn't left yet he's not technically getting discharged. I'm guessing he's in dep. he most likely singed a contract for going into dep. he can change his mind and walk away without any trouble up until he goes to meps the final time that he ships out. Once that contract is signed and he's at basic then he has to get chaptered. Which as they say. It's quicker to just finish through than to quit because out processing is a sometimes slow process. So it's not like he can get there and two weeks decide to come home and be home in a week. When my husband went some one quit a month in and was still there waiting to go home when my husband graduated. As for separation sadly it's a part of life in the military though I'm not sure how often for ng. I know a couple girls who have had children while there spouse was elsewhere it was hard but we all have to remeber what our spouses are doing and what they stand for. I'm no sure how national guard is and what type of support system there is for spouses but maybe look into that. And if he does decide to go just try to build up a good support system now as that wil help. Basic training and AIT seems impossible to get through but you really do adjust and grow and learn to just do it. Eventually there's an end in sight.

You guys should have a serious talk about it. If he's thinking about not going he needs to let his recruiter know beforehand.

Minevato

I agree with everything that everyone else has said here. This is something you guys need to discuss in detail. It's sounds scary, I know. My husband is active duty Air Force and there is a very good chance he might be deployed for the last part of my pregnancy as well as the birth of our first child. Separation is a very real thing and you have to be ready for it.

jmelanie3

Yeah my fiancé is leaving for officers training June-September so he will miss the first four months of babies life. It's hard but, like the other ladies said, that's military life. There's a huge support group and tons of us that know what you're going through.

kaynix21

My husband will miss most of the pregnancy and has potential to miss the birth due to deployment.

With that said, it's part of the military life. We were getting fertility treatment and we knew that particular month if it worked, there was a good chance he wouldn't be here, but that didn't stop us. Just another challenge.

I am a FTM so of course I want my husband to be home, but if he's not, he's not. There's a ton of support out there for me if he can't be there and he takes amazing care of our family with his job and provides for us. As hard as the military life is I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

Have a long talk with him, focus on the future and not just the first year or two. What's best for you guys in the long term?