Late Term and Child Loss
ikrystal
member
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies?
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
PgAL check in 10/31
ikrystal
member
Hi ladies. I hope you and baby have been well this week! Please feel free to post any questions you may have for each other.
How far along are you?
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies?
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: PgAL check in 10/31
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Another growth scan at 24 weeks (and a regular appointment at 23). Big milestone this week - this was the week I went into labor and subsequently gave birth to my baby boys.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Edema. So uncomfortable! Still lactose intolerant. I tested my limits yesterday and ended up puking dinner
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies? I knew this week would be difficult for me. But I did not anticipate the anxiety attacks, the insomnia, the crying over my boys all night. I didn't realize how hard it would be to possibly reach pregnancy milestones with this baby girl that I never got with my boys - they now seem frozen in time somehow. I tried to hide these emotions or distract myself. But I wish now that I had really taken the time throughout the whole pregnancy to still grieve for my boys in healthy, therapuetic ways, rather than being hit with this all like a tidal wave right now.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? What am I going to do when it's time to arrange this girl's nursery and I have to repaint the boys' nursery? The guilt is already sinking in. For the matter - I never made it past 22 weeks with my boys. Will I even be able to put together a nursery for this little girl?
Upcoming appointments/milestones?
Looks like I am going to be induced next week and the process could start as early as Monday (still waiting to hear back from the hospital). This might be my last check-in.
I was checked yesterday and wasn't dilated at all but due to my history they are recommending induction. Nervous about going from 0 to 10 cm not naturally but whatever gets my little man here safely I am all for.
QOTW: Great question and one that I am not sure I know the answer to. Being PGAL is really really hard. I guess I expected that after I reached my milestones that it would get easier but in all honesty when I have spent the last 4.5 years knowing only loss it's hard to think that it could really end well and that we can actually bring our son home after this.
I guess my advice would be to let whatever you are feeling in but to try whenever possible to let some joy in too and try not to beat yourself up about it because let's face it ... We all deserve joy. I spent a good portion of my pregnancy scared out of my mind and didn't have a shower and didn't do a lot of the things that people probably typically do because of my fear. I also have felt a lot of guilt that my daughter never got the opportunities that my son has already had due to her diagnosis. I know the fear is impossible to make go away but looking back I wish I did let more people celebrate this baby during my pregnancy and that I would have made a bigger effort of allowing the joy in instead of letting the fear overcome it a lot of the time.
Open topic: I honestly can't believe that we could be a few days from meeting our son. It really hasn't hit me yet and maybe it won't until he is here. I am trying to believe that everything will be ok. It's been quite a journey and I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to carry him. I do still worry about what parenting after loss will be like and the anxiety that accompanies that but I can't think too much about that now.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Normal check-in with the OB on Monday
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Still very tired, but otherwise not feeling terrible. Certain foods still make me gag, but which foods it is seem to change constantly. Makes planning for dinner interesting!
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies? I knew it would be hard to be pregnant while missing my son, but I didn't expect the little bursts of pregnancy regret. They're getting fewer and further between now, but I still have some little episodes of not wanting a new baby. I start to think "If I can't have Lincoln I don't want a baby". It passes, and I love and want this baby so much and know we made the right choice getting pregnant, but just for a moment sometimes I hesitate.
18 weeks 3 days.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the loss of my baby boy noah yesterday and have my 20 week anomaly scan in 2 weeks.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
I keep getting migranes and have an aversion so spicy foods
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies?
I feel guilty that i couldn't grow my noah properly and am scared that the same will happen to this baby.
ikrystal : I'm sorry this is such a tough week for you. Hitting milestones is such torture, but you are strong, and doing a great job of pushing through.
jess123456 : I'm so happy that you are getting to meet your baby boy so soon! Good luck this week!
Mel&John2013: I totally hear you on the little pangs of regret. I want this baby so badly, but I also just want Q back. It's such a weird thing. And as far as the big brother stuff goes, I haven't gotten anything like that, but I am a big fan of the little sister stuff. And I have my eye out for things that say something about having a brother in heaven. Maybe something like this:
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
How far along are you?
22w5d
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
Regular appointment on Friday.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
The heartburn is starting to rear its ugly head again. It's not too bad yet, but I'll start taking something (more than tums) soon. Other than that, doing well.
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies?
Very good question. I guess I would say that it definitely took me longer than I expected to feel truly happy about this baby. Even though we were actively trying, and I was thrilled from the beginning, I had more than one moment of questioning what I was doing. It also took much longer to connect to this pregnancy that it did for our son.
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?appointment in 3 more weeks
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?I've been so sick - it was this way with my son, but it's worse this time. The medication doesn't seem to be keeping things down. Had to go to labor and delivery over the weekend - 4 large bags of fluids later and some more meds and things feel a little more settled for now.
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies? I think I'm still figuring it all out. I'm so nervous for this baby. I'm happy knowing we still have it, but frightened knowing in the blink of an eye it can all change.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just wondering if this nausea and vomiting will get any better. We were told last night if it doesn't I would need to do a PICC line to do fluids at home. Just watching and waiting and hoping for the best.
How far along are you?
16 weeks
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
Appointment with my OB on Monday. Wesley's 11 month birthday on the 25th. I can't believe we are so close to one year.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? The past three weeks have been tough because of the hyperemesis. I ended up in the hospital for 8 days just to get stabilized. I had a PICC line put it and I'm doing so much better! I get fluids and calories through the PICC line and a nurse comes once a day to check on me. Even though I'm not at 100%, I'm finally starting to feel like a human again. Next goal is getting well enough to get off the PICC line!
QOTW
This is such a good question and something I'm still battling. I guess my only advice is to acknowledge your feelings and know that how you're feeling is okay. Also, find someone that you can share with- maybe it's a therapist but maybe it's your partner, friend, parent, sibling, etc. Don't feel like you have to battle all of these complex feelings alone. Opening up can help your process and understand your feelings.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Wesley was born on Christmas and now that we are approaching the holiday season, it's tough. I feel so grateful to be pregnant and I'm so excited about this baby but I miss our son. I wish he was here.
@jess123456 - good luck this week!
@ikrystal and isstex12- thinking of you both as you pass these anniversaries ((hugs))
@jess123456- I'll be thinking about you. Good luck this week!
@Mel&John2013- I can totally relate to those feelings of regret. It's so hard.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? OB appointment on the 19th and I just made my anatomy scan appointment for 12/1. That was the first day they would do it for me and there was 1 appointment available for that day. It was seeming like it would be so far away before I made the appointment, but it's less than a month. I'm sure it will be here before I know it.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? I've been feeling pretty good lately. A little heartburn has started in the evening some days, but it is still no big deal most of the time.
QOTW: It's ok to feel whatever you are feeling at the time. You can be happy and sad and scared all at the same time.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I took my very first belly picture ever today. I always thought they were dumb, but then after Nathaniel died I realized that I had very few pictures of me when I was pregnant with him especially since I am usually the one taking pictures at anything so I'm not in many. So I decided to document this pregnancy a little more than the other two. I don't know how often I will do it, but I will make an effort to do it occasionally.
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? I just had my first appointment with my midwife this afternoon. My date from my LMP is almost 12 weeks, but I know I didn't ovulate until CD 30-31. So tomorrow I have a dating ultrasound. She couldn't find the heartbeat either, so we are really waiting for that ultrasound in the morning. Most like it was just because it is still pretty early and I guess my uterus is tipped back which she said could make it more difficult this early to find the heartbeat. So we are praying everything is okay and going back tomorrow. She did say that my uterus feels like about 10 weeks, which would be right. So, trying to be calm and not let myself stress out.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Nausea, lots of foods just don't sound or taste good to me right now. I've also been having a lot of sinus headaches which are probably more allergy related than pregnancy.
QOTW: We feel a lot of different emotions about being pregnant after a loss - some of which clash with each other (excitement, worry, etc.) Some of these feelings were anticipated, some were not. Knowing what you know now, is there any advice you wish you were given at the beginning of this pregnancy? Anything you would like to share with the other ladies? Well, I'm kind of still at the beginning so I guess I haven't learned much yet. About 3-4 weeks after I found out and just refused to let myself get excited and was just sure that something would go wrong, my husband kind of called me out and said, "Doesn't this baby deserve the same excitement and love and preparing for that Zedekiah did? You can't control the outcome, but you can give this baby the love and excitement it deserves". Yeah. So maybe I've still not been 100% onboard quite yet, but I've been trying to remind myself of this often.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm glad that it is finally November. October was an exhausting, depressing month. I felt nasty and exhausted physically. We spent most of the month worrying and building up for our son's birthday on the 27th and angelversary on the 31st. Add the nerves and build up of waiting for our first midwife appointment today... So now I guess I'm just hoping and praying all will be well at tomorrow's ultrasound and then make November a better month.