St Patrick's Day Themed Baby Shower?

MrsPDX

So I was thinking about my baby shower, which a group of female relatives are getting together to throw for me this winter/spring. Since I want to be Team Green (well technically I will find out, but I don't want anyone else to know), and my husband is very Irish, I thought what about a St Patty's Day themed party! I think it could be so adorable! My mom thought it was a terrible idea, but I am still drawn to it.

Any thoughts? I included some pinterest inspirations. 

sschwege

MrsPDX said:

So I was thinking about my baby shower, which a group of female relatives are getting together to throw for me this winter/spring. Since I want to be Team Green (well technically I will find out, but I don't want anyone else to know), and my husband is very Irish, I thought what about a St Patty's Day themed party! I think it could be so adorable! My mom thought it was a terrible idea, but I am still drawn to it.

Any thoughts? I included some pinterest inspirations. 

I would leave it to the hosts to decide.

Why are you finding out the sex, but keeping it a secret?

MrsPDX

@sschwege well I wanted to be Team Green all the way, but DH refused and was adamant about finding out. Thus that's why we are. I don't want anyone else to know, because we both absolutely hate all the gender specific clothing people buy. I would rather have gender neutral clothing. Therefore, if no one knows the sex, then there is less temptation for them to go out and get a bunch of hot pink or blue everything items. 

sschwege

MrsPDX said:

@sschwege well I wanted to be Team Green all the way, but DH refused and was adamant about finding out. Thus that's why we are. I don't want anyone else to know, because we both absolutely hate all the gender specific clothing people buy. I would rather have gender neutral clothing. Therefore, if no one knows the sex, then there is less temptation for them to go out and get a bunch of hot pink or blue everything items. 

I see, so you are keeping the sex a secret in an effort to manipulate your guests into buying the gifts you want them to buy.  Did I get that right?

MrsPDX

@sschwege no not at all. If they want to buy clothes, they will still buy clothes. If they want to pick out a book, they will still buy a book. They just won't be feel the need to buy all girl items, or boy/masculine items, based on the sex. 

MrsPDX

@AFwifelife Yep, I did.

I mean originally I was thinking if we were going to find out the sex, we might as well do a gender reveal (since they seem so fun and adorable), but then after thinking about the party aspect more, I didn't want to do the reveal party. So then I decided not to reveal at all. 

sschwege

MrsPDX said:

@sschwege no not at all. If they want to buy clothes, they will still buy clothes. If they want to pick out a book, they will still buy a book. They just won't be feel the need to buy all girl items, or boy/masculine items, based on the sex. 

So you will allow your guests to pick out whatever they want be it clothes, books, etc. as long as it's gender neutral?  And you will ensure they avoid boy/girl items by keeping the sex a secret?  How is this not manipulative?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

MrsPDX

sschwege said:

MrsPDX said:

@sschwege no not at all. If they want to buy clothes, they will still buy clothes. If they want to pick out a book, they will still buy a book. They just won't be feel the need to buy all girl items, or boy/masculine items, based on the sex. 

So you will allow your guests to pick out whatever they want be it clothes, books, etc. as long as it's gender neutral?  And you will ensure they avoid boy/girl items by keeping the sex a secret?  How is this not manipulative?

I guess it might be seen as manipulative from one point of view... but isn't a registry manipulative in the same sense? Manipulating people's buying choices, by swaying them this way or that? I don't see anything wrong with directing the gifts in a direction that DH and I will appreciate most. If people want to get us a gift that we love, then it won't be gender specific. And if they buy us some random item, that is gender specific we will still appreciate the thought of course, but probably won't love gift. Therefore, why wouldn't everyone want us to love the gift? Which is why I have never bought a shower gift that was not on the couple's registry.

sschwege

MrsPDX said:

sschwege said:

MrsPDX said:

@sschwege no not at all. If they want to buy clothes, they will still buy clothes. If they want to pick out a book, they will still buy a book. They just won't be feel the need to buy all girl items, or boy/masculine items, based on the sex. 

So you will allow your guests to pick out whatever they want be it clothes, books, etc. as long as it's gender neutral?  And you will ensure they avoid boy/girl items by keeping the sex a secret?  How is this not manipulative?

I guess it might be seen as manipulative from one point of view... but isn't a registry manipulative in the same sense? Manipulating people's buying choices, by swaying them this way or that? I don't see anything wrong with directing the gifts in a direction that DH and I will appreciate most. If people want to get us a gift that we love, then it won't be gender specific. And if they buy us some random item, that is gender specific we will still appreciate the thought of course, but probably won't love gift. Therefore, why wouldn't everyone want us to love the gift? Which is why I have never bought a shower gift that was not on the couple's registry.

In my mind a registry is a list of suggested items, people can shop off it or not, the choice is theirs.  By finding out the sex and keeping it secret you are controlling what people can and can not buy for you, you are taking away that choice.  That is the difference.

Oh and by the way, some of the best gifts we received were not on our registry.  Some were hand-made gifts and some were from seasoned parents who knew better than me a FTM. 

If you decide to go through with this, I really hope it doesn't get out after the shower.  I would really feel hurt if a friend or family member did this, particularly for the reason you stated.  And this is coming from someone who sticks mostly to the registry and gender neutral items, it still would feel pretty slimy to me!

sschwege

MrsPDX said:

sschwege said:

MrsPDX said:

@sschwege no not at all. If they want to buy clothes, they will still buy clothes. If they want to pick out a book, they will still buy a book. They just won't be feel the need to buy all girl items, or boy/masculine items, based on the sex. 

So you will allow your guests to pick out whatever they want be it clothes, books, etc. as long as it's gender neutral?  And you will ensure they avoid boy/girl items by keeping the sex a secret?  How is this not manipulative?

I guess it might be seen as manipulative from one point of view... but isn't a registry manipulative in the same sense? Manipulating people's buying choices, by swaying them this way or that? I don't see anything wrong with directing the gifts in a direction that DH and I will appreciate most. If people want to get us a gift that we love, then it won't be gender specific. And if they buy us some random item, that is gender specific we will still appreciate the thought of course, but probably won't love gift. Therefore, why wouldn't everyone want us to love the gift? Which is why I have never bought a shower gift that was not on the couple's registry.

In my mind a registry is a list of suggested items, people can shop off it or not, the choice is theirs.  By finding out the sex and keeping it secret you are controlling what people can and can not buy for you, you are taking away that choice.  That is the difference.

Oh and by the way, some of the best gifts we received were not on our registry.  Some were hand-made gifts and some were from seasoned parents who knew better than me a FTM. 

If you decide to go through with this, I really hope it doesn't get out after the shower.  I would really feel hurt if a friend or family member did this, particularly for the reason you stated.  And this is coming from someone who sticks mostly to the registry and gender neutral items, it still would feel pretty slimy to me!

SingleMom31

If you're going to stick to that plan, please don't let *anyone* else in on your plan. "We know, but we're not telling" seems really juvenile and will insult at least some people. I'm all for team green, but I'd be ticked if my BFF found out and then wouldn't tell me so that I'd buy her a yellow onesie. Besides, either way, once baby arrived, I'd send something cute that was gender specific. If you don't like it, you can always exchange it or donate it.

mermaid1113

If your hostesses ask for input regarding the theme then tell them you like that. They may be able to incorporate some greens in the decor if they want to. Otherwise just enjoy your day and let them do the planning.

dufferoo

Like @SingleMom31‌ said, I think it's pretty lame to find out the sex yourself but not tell anyone else. I just picture a little bratty kid hopping around chanting "I have a seeecret and I'm not telllllling!" Like many said, I don't think you should plan your own shower theme. But to answer your real question, I'm not a fan of the St. Paddy's theme. It just doesn't make sense to me for a baby shower. And you're practically daring people to get you silly leprechaun stuff way worse than pink or blue.

Helenahhandbasket

OP, if you know the sex of your baby, you are not team green.

 

That is all.

VOR

O.k., people.  Really?  I'm usually on the same page w/ most of you - but this is a little over the top about them not sharing the sex.  Whether they know or don't know - if the guests don't know, they don't know.  Do we REALLY need to flame someone over this? 

OP - as far as the theme goes, if your mom is one of the hosts and if she doesn't like it, then it's her choice.  yes, it's nice when the hosts take into account the preferences of the MTB, but i n the end, this is still a party that they are throwing.  I fully agree that you need to take a step back and let them plan what they want to plan.

bullybutt

Yeah, you're not team green so the St Patricks theme would be pretty dumb. 

[Deleted User]

Since this is headed south anyway... Gender and Sex are not the same thing....

sschwege

VOR said:

O.k., people.  Really?  I'm usually on the same page w/ most of you - but this is a little over the top about them not sharing the sex.  Whether they know or don't know - if the guests don't know, they don't know.  Do we REALLY need to flame someone over this? 

OP - as far as the theme goes, if your mom is one of the hosts and if she doesn't like it, then it's her choice.  yes, it's nice when the hosts take into account the preferences of the MTB, but i n the end, this is still a party that they are throwing.  I fully agree that you need to take a step back and let them plan what they want to plan.

If you are typically on the same page then I really don't see why you don't see the problem here.  To me this is worse than book instead of a card, diaper raffles, etc.  At least in those cases A) the hostess/MTB could perhaps plead ignorance, I will admit the first time I got that 'book instead of a card' poem in the mail, I though it was great idea.  Still like the idea, as in I like to do it, but I don't like being told to do so.  and the guests have full knowledge of what is taking place.  So they are free to think 'what a great idea!' or 'way to be gift grabby!'

This deception is what I don't like.  My hope is that OP either changes her mind or at the very least takes the secret to the grave.  I will be honest I would lose some level of respect for a friend who did this, which is what I'm trying to point out to her.

@VOR  

MrsPDX

I'm not changing my mind. Think what you will, but my mind is made up. Think you all for your wonderful opinions.

VOR

sschwege said:

VOR said:

O.k., people.  Really?  I'm usually on the same page w/ most of you - but this is a little over the top about them not sharing the sex.  Whether they know or don't know - if the guests don't know, they don't know.  Do we REALLY need to flame someone over this? 

OP - as far as the theme goes, if your mom is one of the hosts and if she doesn't like it, then it's her choice.  yes, it's nice when the hosts take into account the preferences of the MTB, but i n the end, this is still a party that they are throwing.  I fully agree that you need to take a step back and let them plan what they want to plan.

If you are typically on the same page then I really don't see why you don't see the problem here.  To me this is worse than book instead of a card, diaper raffles, etc.  At least in those cases A) the hostess/MTB could perhaps plead ignorance, I will admit the first time I got that 'book instead of a card' poem in the mail, I though it was great idea.  Still like the idea, as in I like to do it, but I don't like being told to do so.  and the guests have full knowledge of what is taking place.  So they are free to think 'what a great idea!' or 'way to be gift grabby!'

This deception is what I don't like.  My hope is that OP either changes her mind or at the very least takes the secret to the grave.  I will be honest I would lose some level of respect for a friend who did this, which is what I'm trying to point out to her.

@VOR  

Well, to me, I don't care if the couple knows or not and I don't care if they tell me or not.  I, personally, would not get up in arms to find out "OMG!  They knew the sex and didn't tell me!!!!".  Granted, I tend to buy from the registry, so whatever is on there is what I get.  I just can't get it up for feeling so horribly manipulated by this. 

I'm not saying it's a GOOD idea. Because clearly quite a few people will be pissed off by this.   But it's just not something I'm going to expend so much energy on.

MrsPDX

saiven said:

I'm not changing my mind. Think what you will, but my mind is made up. Think you all for your wonderful opinions.

Your husband can find out if he wants. You can stay Team Green if you want. Couples make compromises all the time - a skill you want to get in the habit of before becoming parents. You do know St. Patrick's day, at least in the U.S. is celebrated with heavy drinking? You do also know that heavy drinking during pregnancy is frowned upon, right? Also, no need to plan a shower for yourself, or even with others, 6 months before it will actually happen.

My husband would never be able to keep it from me... he would totally break! There is no point in even trying that, he is terrible at secrets. 

I know St Patrick's Day is a drinking holiday, and no I have not even had a sip of any alcohol since I have been pregnant. Yet, if I was going to a baby shower I would want a bar! Whether St Patrick's Day or not, we will still have beer, wine and cocktails (and mocktails for the sober attendees and I). 

I fully believe the MTB contributing ideas to the party planners is harmless. Plus, according to most of you ladies, you only get one, so you might as well have the best one possible, right? Its also not 6 months from now. If its St. Patrick's Day it will be beginning of March (less than 5), and if not, it may even be in February. Plus, you have to start early! There is a lot of planning that goes into it (rental space, food, cake, decor), so the hostesses need to know the theme as soon as possible. 

purplebee15

iheartmyshiba said:

Since this is headed south anyway... Gender and Sex are not the same thing....

Sorry to disrupt the Baby Shower Board bingo going on here, but in this case "gender specific" is being used correctly, no?  It's referencing clothes specific to socially constructed roles, not genitalia. Sex-specific items might include jock straps, tampons, penis pumps, etc.

Engineer81

People rent space for baby showers? Every shower I've been to has been in someone's home or at a church. Wow.

VOR

MrsPDX said:

Plus, according to most of you ladies, you only get one, so you might as well have the best one possible, right? Its also not 6 months from now. If its St. Patrick's Day it will be beginning of March (less than 5), and if not, it may even be in February. Plus, you have to start early! There is a lot of planning that goes into it (rental space, food, cake, decor), so the hostesses need to know the theme as soon as possible. 

A- it is JUST a shower.  It is NOT a wedding.  Stop placing more importance on this party than there should be.

B- most showers I've been involved in took about a month, AT MOST, to plan.  It does not take 5 months.  Because, again, it's NOT a wedding.

C- while a passing suggestion of "a St. Patrick's Day theme would be fun" is fine, to then start spending your hosts money (i.e. expecting alcohol) is so beyond rude.  This is why there is a VERY fine line between giving a suggestion and being an over bearing MTB.  And you've crossed that line. 

Engineer81

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

Engineer81 said:

People rent space for baby showers? Every shower I've been to has been in someone's home or at a church. Wow.

Every baby and bridal shower I've been to (with the exception of maybe one or two) has been held in a restaurant because people do not have the space in their homes or backyards to host more than a handful of people at the same time.  But, I realize that's regional.  Most people in NYC and the surrounding boroughs don't have much land and the churches really don't have rec centers or anything that can be used.  So you're stuck basically renting a room in a restaurant or a hall like a Knights of Columbus place.

That makes sense, I'm in the Midwest. When I hear rent a space, I think of a location where you would have a wedding reception. Which seems crazy for a baby shower.

VOR

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

Every baby and bridal shower I've been to (with the exception of maybe one or two) has been held in a restaurant because people do not have the space in their homes or backyards to host more than a handful of people at the same time.  But, I realize that's regional.  Most people in NYC and the surrounding boroughs don't have much land and the churches really don't have rec centers or anything that can be used.  So you're stuck basically renting a room in a restaurant or a hall like a Knights of Columbus place.

I will concede that if you have to rent a place, that might need to be done far in advance.  But the rest of it?  Cake, decor, food?  Eh... those items do  NOT take 5 months to plan and work on. 

OneLastRefrain

Danipg said:

MrsPDX said:

 If its St. Patrick's Day it will be beginning of March (less than 5), and if not, it may even be in February. Plus, you have to start early! There is a lot of planning that goes into it (rental space, food, cake, decor), so the hostesses need to know the theme as soon as possible. 

My brain hurts with the entitlement the OP has. Since when did baby showers become big events like this? I would go broke trying to cater to a MTB that wants this elaborate of a shower. Hopefully you have understanding hostesses.

------------------

Here in the Northeast where I live they are pretty nice affairs. My mom is taking her time planning mine, but granted, much much muchx1000 less effort than a wedding. 

chicagojackie

OP didn't want your opinions. All of these posts are tacky and awful. I'm calling troll on this person for so many reasons.

Someone that honestly wanted help would not act this way and cheekily throw in so many inflammatory statements.

MrsPDX

Actually, @chicagojackie I did want opinions on a St. Patty's shower (ie: the thread title), and the idea of a themed baby shower... Just not on my decision whether or not to reveal the gender (not the topic of the thread). Obviously, I differ in opinion on that, as well as how much is too much input from MTB, which in fact is fine, its just the way the world is.

And not a troll, but I am definitely going to stop posting in this section of the Bump. I think I'll stick with my BM, people are so much nicer there. 

Amstreagle

Really? This cluster fuck has to be MUD. Right? Otherwise this is just so fucking gross and entitled that I actually....I....I am speechless. I mean from manipulating your guests, to the bar and the rental space. You seem like a piece of "work".

Dannylion24

Engineer81 said:

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

Engineer81 said:

People rent space for baby showers? Every shower I've been to has been in someone's home or at a church. Wow.

Every baby and bridal shower I've been to (with the exception of maybe one or two) has been held in a restaurant because people do not have the space in their homes or backyards to host more than a handful of people at the same time.  But, I realize that's regional.  Most people in NYC and the surrounding boroughs don't have much land and the churches really don't have rec centers or anything that can be used.  So you're stuck basically renting a room in a restaurant or a hall like a Knights of Columbus place.

That makes sense, I'm in the Midwest. When I hear rent a space, I think of a location where you would have a wedding reception. Which seems crazy for a baby shower.

My mom rented a small conference room at a hotel to host my baby shower since she was throwing it close to where my extended family (& myself) lived, since she and my dad happen to live out of state (my dad is military). It wasn't overly fancy or anything, and it was nice that the vast majority of guests didn't have to travel far.