So I had my beta today and it was not good. It was 25.something and the nurse said it was looking like a chemical pregnancy. She said it was possible to come around still, but I know the baby is gone. I had a positive test last night and took another one this morning--it was negative. I immediately knew it was going to be a c/p. I am so beyond devastated right now. I honestly never thought that a loss could or would affect me like this but I am so sad. I have to keep taking my endometrin until my second beta on Friday but it just seems so pointless.
To add insult to injury, we have a professional day at school on Friday and we are having a "surprise baby shower" for two of my pregnant coworkers who are leaving on maternity leave soon. AND my cousin texted me today asking for my address, and I know it's for an invitation to his wife's baby shower in November. I feel like such an asshole for having the audacity of hope and optimism. I knew this was all too good to be true--the whole cycle went too smoothly and the due date was just way too perfect. I know I should be glad we have 10 frosties, and I am.......but I am so beyond sad for this little guy who my body couldn't get it together to support. He was supposed to have been "perfect" according to the doctors. I know that in the scheme of things there is always still that chance that it won't work...........but he was supposed to stick with me. I know it was a boy too. Like, without a doubt in my mind. I just don't know how I am going to get through the next two days.
So for the douchebag who posted to the confessional that they "hoped my betas were great so I would gtfo TTGP": eat a bag of dicks.
****UPDATE****
YOU GUISE!!!!!! MY NUMBERS FUCKING DOUBLED!!!!!! I am still in shock and near disbelief.......I was SO not expecting the nurse to tell me that!!!! I had my second beta this morning and then I went off to school and braved the baby shower. I had a long talk with my BFF (who has been through IVF) during lunch and I felt a lot better about everything and started to get ready to have the discussion with my RE about what the next steps were going to be. I ended up calling the nurse because they were taking so long to call me. She answered and said she was just writing my doctor and asking how he wanted to proceed with things. I readied myself to hear the news I was expecting (negative test) when she told me my numbers had doubled and my progesterone was rising. The numbers are still on the low side, 51.something, so we are cautiously optimistic. I have to go in for another beta on Sunday and if everything looks like it is progressing then we will go from there. They also tested my estradiol and will call me tomorrow with the results; they might put me on estrogen to "enhance" the pregnancy (whatever that means--don't care; give me the enhancements). I came home and ran straight to the bathroom and used my last FRER: BEAUTIFUL crystal clear lines!!!! MUCH better than the one other positive I had on Tuesday night. So....here are the deets!!:
Cycle/Month: I have no fucking idea. Too many.
What we did: IVF yo
Symptoms: I had HUGE sore, heavy lead weights for boobs, but they're gone now (another reason I agreed with the notion of the c/p)
EDD: June 17th!

How I told MH: I had ordered a onesie to give to him for when I got a BFP but was disappointed to find out it wouldn't be here until Oct. 13th. Oh well though, right? So on Tuesday afternoon (the day before my beta) I bought a FRER and was debating whether I wanted to take it that night or wait until the morning. When I came home and opened the door, MH had already gotten the mail and I saw the onesie package there--five days early. I knew at that moment it was going to be positive. I told him I was going to test and as the line showed up I started laugh/crying. He came into the bathroom saying, "it's negative, isn't it...." I couldn't speak, I only shook my head and moved over so he could see it. We danced around the kitchen together after I gave him the onesie. Then a lot of drama ensued over the last two days but I came home today after getting the news and used my last FRER which came back crystal clear and nice and dark!!!
The mushy: YOU GUISE. I don't even know what to say......the love and support and knowledge that I have received over the past two years has been amazing. Unfounded really. this is certainly not how I pictured my BFP post going, but is it ever?? I mean i've had a lot of time to dream it up and think about it over the past two years. I have made some incredible friends and had some of the best laughs ever. I am really hoping that I don't have to come back here but it's good to know that if I do there are great ladies here. I know I have not been the most active over the past couple months but it just got too hard. I love all of you ladies and really hope to see you on June '15!!!! and DUDE: ALL the grad check ins

I also intend to embrace every symptom ever.
aaaaand it won't let me attach the new pee stick.
*Your friendly resident herbalist. Ask me for facts about herbs--maybe I can help!*
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
Re: Betas Today: BFFP!!!!!!11!!!1!!!1! (update in OP)
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“I want people to like what I do, but, at the bottom line, fuck ‘em if they don’t.” - Craig Ferguson
3 failed IUI cycles
Oct '15 - IVF 1 - 10R, 3M, 0F
Sept '16 - IVF - 12R, 11M, 5F and 3 perfect day 5 blasts - MMC 7w5d
Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
DS 10/31/12
BFP 11/18/14
EDD 7/31/15
July15 Siggy Challenge: Favorite holiday movie. Bad Santa!
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
(PS - the confessional is still a thing? come the fuck on people. WORST.)
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
TTC Since 6/2013 Early Loss: 9/2013 MFI Diagnosis: 12/2014
DH: 45
BFP #1 3/19/14 EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
BFP #2 12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
Saw heartbeat 12/29. Please be a rainbow.
All welcome
BFP 12/9/14 EDD 8/18/15
Formerly Aaren91011
TTC 10/2013
RE Help from 10/2014-10/2016 (11 failed IUIs, a corrective surgery, and a donor embryo cycle)
9/2016-transferred two donor embies
BFP 9/29/26 EDD June 11
BFP #1: 10-25-11, MC: 11-1-11 @ 5w5d
BFP#2: 12-29-11, DS born September 2012
TFAS: July 2014, BFP#3: 12-29-14, EDD 9-9-15
TTC #1
Married
July 20, 2013
Off BC since 10/2013
TTGP JANUARY SIGGY CHALLENGE: WORKOUT FAILS