So irritating (NBR)

perfectlove09

My MIL is the nicest person you could meet. She bends over backwards to help us out, anyone out. She babysits our daughter. It's changed based off of our work schedules but usually 3 days a week. Last week DH was out of the country so she was here 5 days in a row AND came two days later so I could go to yoga.

She won't let us pay her. She won't even let me pay for lunch which I tried to do today and which has made me write this post. She REFUSES. A few months ago DH and I took her out to lunch to thank her for all that she does and again REFUSED to let us pay for her. It's unbelievably irritating. Seriously bugs the shit out of me.

She is unemployed. Was laid off 5 years ago, FIL works from home running his own business and trust me they need money. They do not have much and that's part of what really bugs me. I could see if they were like super wealthy or had steady income but they don't.

Why does she refuse to let us pay her? I've tried to talk to her about it but it's flat out useless.

What would you do? What can I do to pay her back somehow? It needs to be a way that she CANNOT give it back. I'm seriously thinking about like hiring a carpet cleaner to go do their home (something they always say they want to have done) or ...or what? Help me

Wouldn't this bother you too or am I stupid?

riansmommie

My grandmother is like this so when she isn't looking we just slip money into her purse. She is none the wiser how it got there let alone who put it there. Also for taking out to lunch/dinner if you really want to pay just let your server know and give them a card ahead of time, that way when they bring you the bill they already have the form of payment.

perfectlove09

chelseavranich said:

Keep taking them to lunch but arrive early and hand your card off to the waiter before she gets there.

Hey that's a good idea!

riansmommie

Great minds think alike @chelseavranich‌

perfectlove09

perfectlove09 said:

chelseavranich said:

Keep taking them to lunch but arrive early and hand your card off to the waiter before she gets there.

Hey that's a good idea!

Wait. Never mind. We DID give the card to the waitress last time and MIL STILL took some cash out of her purse and forced us to take it. We threatened leaving it on the table so she left it at our house when we weren't looking. See...this is so irritating.

riansmommie

Also if it's cash she is leaving y'all put it in a certain spot and use that money to get things done for them that they normally wouldn't do for themselves... Like the carpet cleaner you mentioned.

Mousy345

My ILs are poor too and they hate to accept anything like this from us. It's complicated when parents' pride is involved -- they feel like they should be providing for their family, not the other way round. Yes, I know we are all adults now and these things should be reciprocal or not an issue, but some parents, like my MIL, can't let it go. It's a pride thing for her - a desire for her kids and their spouses to see her as self-sufficient and independent. I've noticed it coming out more and more as she and my FIL age as well.

Sometimes you have to allow people their pride. Get your loving gifts in some other way -- we love cooking fancy meals for them, for instance, or buying her stuff she would NEVER buy for herself, such as a bouquet of fresh flowers...