June 2015 Moms

Announcing early

Hi lovelies!

Hoping ya'll can give me and honest answer here.  DH and I are really having a hard time keeping this secret.  I will be 5 weeks tomorrow and yes, I am terrified of miscarriage.  Our immediate family knows and so do some close friends.  Our bosses also know (we did this because of OB appointments and just in case I develop MS).  Not telling everyone else and social media is making us semi cray cray.  Do we really have to wait 12 weeks???  What about 8 weeks after that first ultrasound??  Is this really bad form?  I personally believe that it is up to me and DH only and people shouldn't judge....it's not any of their business when or how we tell.  I'm sick and tired of being told what is "proper" or "etiquette" or any of that other BS.
Seminary Wife, Fine Arts Major, Makeup Artist, Esthetician, and Fine Papers Store Supervisor.
Loves Jesus, Fashion, Coffee, and Ministry.
Married DH October 13, 2012
Pregnant with first child due June 3, 2015

Re: Announcing early

  • I don't think it's bad form or people will look down on you at all for announcing early. But, take it from someone who announced publicly at 8 weeks and miscarried 2 weeks later....it is HARD to have to re-announce that you lost the baby
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  • benjysgirlbenjysgirl member
    edited September 2014
    We are definitely going to AT LEAST wait until after that first ultrasound (which will be almost 9 weeks) to tell Facebook, acquaintances and distant relatives.  We told parents, bosses, and close friends because we would definitely want support if something were to happen.  Who knows....we may wait 12 to tell FB.
    Seminary Wife, Fine Arts Major, Makeup Artist, Esthetician, and Fine Papers Store Supervisor.
    Loves Jesus, Fashion, Coffee, and Ministry.
    Married DH October 13, 2012
    Pregnant with first child due June 3, 2015
  • We are definitely going to AT LEAST wait until after that first ultrasound (which will be almost 9 weeks) to tell Facebook, acquaintances and distant relatives.  We told parents, bosses, and close friends because we would definitely want support if something were to happen.  Who knows....we may wait 12 to tell FB.
    Totally personal preference :) Even after our awful experience of announcing/miscarrying I still announced the next pregnancy at 11 weeks after 2 healthy ultrasounds! 
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  • I'm in the same boat. It seems like I keep telling people! But I AM going to keep it off FB until at least 10 weeks. I don't want so-and-so from high school (or whoever) making stupid comments months after I would happen to miscarry... Telling those around me is filling my desire to "tell everyone" for now!

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  • I am firmly in the "you know when it's right" camp. I am a terribly open about everything person, so I didn't mind sharing and then telling everyone that we lost the baby. I like that it removes some of the hush hush and stigma of miscarriage. I've had friends who have had them since and they were able to lean on me since they knew I had been through it.

    That said, we are waiting this time, for many reasons. I just think it's a personal choice, and it may be different for every pregnancy (it has been for me!).

    Love is multiplied: DS #1: 1.5.99 ~ DS #2: 9.23.11 ~ DD 8.29.13

    m/c 11/12/12 - sleep tight baby bean.

    Bitty Baby #4, please stick around - we already love you so very much!

    Ultrasound 11/4 - TWO HEARTBEATS!!!

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  • We've told a select few people as well. My mom and my mother in law know. My aunt & closest cousin know. Our fire chief knows because it's going to effect my ability to respond to calls & had to know what their policy is regarding pregnancy and volunteer services. Other than that, we're probably going to wait until
    We hear the heartbeat & slowly announce to the rest of our family. However, I'm having a hard time because id love to wait until thanksgiving which will put me to 13 weeks give or take and that's out of the first trimester. Hope I helped!!

    And, don't let anyone judge. It's YOUR decision, dear! ❤️❤️
  • You are absolutely right - it is no one's decision but your own. You just need to really consider whether you want to be faced with having to "take back" your news to extended family, friends, and social media should something happen. I can imagine that would be very painful. Some people prefer the outpouring of support - some people prefer privacy. Only you can make that call. 
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    Proud Mama to cleft cutie <3
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  • It is absolutely your choice. Because of our loss in May, we've decided to hold off in sharing with the majority of a people because making that phone call was heart wrenching. And I wasn't even the one who did it.
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    BFP - 3/3/12    EDD & Birthdate - 11/10/12

    BFP - 2/27/14    EDD - 12/3/14  MC at 11 weeks

    BFP - 9/28/14    EDD - 6/8/15

  • My last pregnancy we decided to wait and only told a select few. Then I miscarried and we told everyone what had happened because there was no way I could act like it didn't happen. I'm the type of person who doesn't hide things very well so people knew there was something really wrong. I think when you announce early your acknowledging your babies life because no matter what happens this baby will affect you and it's life is precious! It is totally up to you but I feel like when people don't announce they're trying to hide their child from the world. This is just my opinion so please don't get upset about it.
  • I agree with PP it's really whenever you're comfortable and when you want to. If someone judges you then they can suck it :)

    Personally I will be waiting to tell close family/parents till we get the first US just because I am higher risk for tubal pregnancy and would hate to have to announce any problems.... but again that's just my preferenance 

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  • I agree! Tell anyone you would also want to know that you miscarry if that happens. So, I think telling friends and family is fine, but do you really want to go public on Facebook? It will be really hard to go back and say you have a MC if that happens. The worst is - people who knew will xome up to you and talk to you if they haven't sound out yet - which makes me cry Everytime.
  • DIdn't read other responses yet, but for us, we will be telling people after our first appt at 8 weeks. not like EVERYONE we meet on the street, but friends and family. My thinking is that if I did have a m/c, I would want the support of people that are important to me. I wouldn't be able to keep something like that a secret anyway. 


    Anniversary

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    TTC #2 since July 2014
    BFP 9/27/14
    MMC discovered 10/27/14, D&C 11/4/14
  • I agree with everyone else who said that this is a totally personal decision.  For my first,  we waited until 10 weeks to tell immediate family and 12 weeks to tell the world.  I think we are going to go around the same timeline with this one.

    For me,  I'm a private griever.  I had an early loss in July and I was so happy that we hadn't told anyone aside from my bff.  I was glad that people didn't know because I wouldnt have wanted to talk about it with people, have people act sorry for me, etc.

    Again, there is no right answer.  Do what is best for you!

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    BFP #1: 7/10/2012 .... DS Born: 2/26/2013
    TTC #2: 5/2014
    BFP #2: 7/8/2014 .... MC at 4w4d
    BFP #3: 9/14/2014...EDD 5/30/2015


    Little Sister is on the way!
  • acethebaseacethebase member
    edited October 2014
    So I think what everyone can all agree on is the fact that it's your choice and do what you and your SO feel comfortable with.
  • I totally agree that it's a very personal decision. And anyone who judges you on it is wrong.

    I personally am telling family and close friends right away. Telling our kiddos after we see a heartbeat, and probably going fb official after the first trimester.
    Married September 2012
    Our Little Strawberry Girl Born 07.12.13
    Proud Stepmom to SS Age 6
    BFP 09.23.14 EDD 06.07.15
  • I already told my boss and co-workers... BC Im a gymnastics teacher and in case their was an emergency they would know and they have been on this journey trying to get pregnant with me.  But Im not telling my family or others until about 9 - 12 weeks.
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  • We already told our family and close friends, because we want them to be praying for our baby everyday!

    We miscarried a few months ago, so we want to wrap this rainbow baby in as many prayers as possible! :)

    We will tell everyone else whenever we get to 12 weeks. :) Hopefully, we will be able to tell others about how their prayers were so helpful toward our baby's growth.
  • I told everyone as soon as I found out... I don't think negatively. I know everything will work out. Stay positive, enjoy the ride. It's a beautiful thing.
  • I honestly think to each their own. Everyone should be able to announce when they feel is right. For me, I was a nurse during my first pregnancy so I had to tell for safety reasons. Well of course the news got out and I had a missed mc at 11 weeks.It was hard telling family let alone explaining it every day at work. I'm a 13 week plus person
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  • We have told some people in our lives because they knew we were going through IVF.  I am keeping it just to those people for a while though, probably because I am nervous given how much it has taken for us to get here.  That said, for myself, I have told people who I would tell if I had a loss as well and who I would want support from.  I think it is completely up to you and your husband, and what you feel comfortable with!
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  • I'm like @McSarah1104‌ and would keep it a secret until the end if I could!
    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
    BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
    BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
    BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN  <3 

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  • This is totally a personal choice as everyone has said, but @McSarah1104 I'm with you.  We never announced my first pregnancy on facebook, just posted once he was born.  Everyone we were close to we told in person as we saw them in the 2nd trimester.  

    Also, we had some very scary genetic testing come back at 14 weeks that made the viability of the pregnancy a question.  We had told about half the people we planned to.  Some of them were wonderfully supportive and helped so much while we were waiting on final testing, some of them (I'm looking at you BIL and SIL) made it a million times worse with their remarks.  It really changed my perspective on telling a wider audience.

    This time we will likely announce on Facebook after all testing comes back OK, so sometime after 20 weeks likely just because with a little one it is so much harder to fit all of our friends in for in person visits in a timely manner.  We will tell parents and siblings at Thanksgiving and good friends right after that.

    BFP #1 ended with H born 2/2/13
    BFP #2 ended in loss @7weeks 10/15/14
    BFP #3 due 8/21/15 *please stick*
  • We are going to tell our parents over the next couple of weeks, and maybe some close friends slowly after that.  I don't really like the idea of posting on facebook, so when it comes time (probably after 12 weeks) I will probably email everyone else that I can't see in person.
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  • I have many friends who have suffered losses, both early and late term.  For this reason, we aren't even telling family for a little bit.  To each their own though.
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  • Ladies,  Thank you so much for the responses and for the love!  <3
    Seminary Wife, Fine Arts Major, Makeup Artist, Esthetician, and Fine Papers Store Supervisor.
    Loves Jesus, Fashion, Coffee, and Ministry.
    Married DH October 13, 2012
    Pregnant with first child due June 3, 2015
  • nocompassnocompass member
    edited October 2014
    I found out on 8/1 that I was pregnant. Sadly, that pregnancy ended in m/c on 8/20 after seeing our Blip's HB twice. Now I'm pregnant again. The first time everyone already knew by the time I miscarried. My first u/s is October 24th with this one (estimating around 7-8 weeks). Honestly, I'm thinking about telling everyone before my u/s. Yes, it's early. Yes, "untelling" everyone last time sucked. BUT...I wouldn't have made it through without all the support we received through friends and family! I think I would appreciate that support again more than I would hate the "untelling" again.

    This is just my opinion though. I'm a big fan of doing whatever feels best for you and your situation! Best wishes. :)

    Edited: because stupid iPhone 4. Can my 6 PLEASE get here already?!

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    Me: 24 
    Him: 28 
    Married: 05/14/2011 
    BFP#1: 08/01/2014; EDD: 04/03/2015; Lost HB: 08/18/2014-08/20/2014; natural m/c 08/23/2014
    BFP#2: 09/25/2014; EDD: 06/07/2015
     

  • DH AND I actually got into an argument about when to tell. He wants to tell people after the first doctors appointment which will be at 8 weeks. I want to wait till 12 incase of a MC. We came to an agreement of 10 weeks. No one knows besides you ladies and one of my coworkers who is due at the end of the month (I needed moral support at work). Though I will say it is SUPER hard to not tell my parents I talk to them twice a day and I just want to tell them but know I want to wait until rmy first app. I really think it is personal preference. While yes it would be hard for everyone to know and then g-d forbid have a Mc. It would be nice to have that support as well.

    Married 11/12/2011
    EDD 06/07/2015


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  • We'll probably tell family at 8 weeks. Work, though.... I want to keep it secret for as long as possible. In part because I like having a secret, in part because it's going to force a decision about whether to keep working after the birth. I'm agonizing over that and want to wait as long as possible to make the decision. And I had two CPs just before this bfp so I'm aware that this pregnancy could fail at any time.
  • I haven't read the responses, but I'm on team, do what you're comfortable with. It's totally your and your H's call.

    For us, I've told my best friend and my sister. I may tell another good friend soon. Close family will wait until after we hear a heartbeat, and extended family, work, other friends will wait until 14 weeks. FB will be after the anatomy scan.
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  • We told our parents, siblings, and 1 close aunt. Everyone else we will likely wait to tell until 12 weeks after our first appointment.

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  • I was supposed to get an MRI on Monday that my family knew about and I took a test that morning as a precaution and found out I was pregnant! Complete shock. Since I needed to cancel the MRI that our families knew about, our parents and siblings all know already. I also told my best friend because I am her maid of honor in 2 weeks and I knew that she would know as soon as she saw me and I didn't want to steal her wedding thunder. I am HORRIFIC at secrets so I will tell friends as I see them in person. To each their own!! I would want tons of outpouring and support if I had a MC.
  • I now know that I would much rather unannounce the news to facebook and a few "unconnected people" than deal with the constant small talk and questioning about if we are trying to get pregnant or advise to give my DD a sibling soon from  unsuspecting people. The support system is also much nicer if you told people than if you only have a few select close family members in the know. 

    Thats me tho and its totally acceptable to wait as long as possible to tell the world. :)


    Baby #1: m/c at 5 weeks (2011)
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    Baby #3: missed m/c found at 11.5 weeks (2013)
    Baby #4: missed m/c at 10 weeks (2013)
    Baby #5: m/c at 6 weeks (2014)
    Baby #6: Saw a heartbeat at 7w, baby stopped growing at 7w1d, found at 8w u/s : d&c  (2014)

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    Hoping for my lucky #7 (one last try!)
  • Totally up to you! Last time I was ready to shout it off of the rooftops at week 5, but sadly lost it during week 6. I was so very glad I had only told my best friend...she was a nice shoulder to lean on and it was nice not having to "untell" everybody.

    Anniversary

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  • I don't think it's bad form or people will look down on you at all for announcing early. But, take it from someone who announced publicly at 8 weeks and miscarried 2 weeks later....it is HARD to have to re-announce that you lost the baby

    This also happened to my husband and I. We were engaged at the time and decided to have a shotgun wedding the second we found out we were expecting. We ended up losing the baby a week before the wedding.
  • We've already told faint and close friends, those that I would lean on in case something happened. However, we will wait until 12 weeks to announce on FB. With our first, we couldn't wait and announced at 10 weeks.
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