Depression

meganbethg

I've suffered off and on with major depression since I was 16 (I'm 26 now) I had a really bad episode and attempted suicide at the beginning of this year...flash forward to march and I stopped taking my anti depressants along with my anti anxiety meds because I felt like it was making my depression worse. I was feeling great but suddenly I've caught the signs of depression creeping back into my brain. The weight gain of pregnancy has been the worse and I'm only 14 weeks (I can't imagine how crappy I'm going to feel when I'm even bigger)
I've also started having flashbacks to when I tried to kill myself. I was very honest with my OB and told him I was having very dark thoughts again and he wants me to go on zolof. HOWEVER I'm already a very high risk pregnancy (because I have two neurological disorders) and I've read about all the side effects of taking SSRIs during pregnancy and I'm just not comfortable taking the medication! At least not until the 3rd trimester.
I meditate and do yoga almost everyday and use essential oils for all my other ailments. Any suggestions from my natural mamas out there? Or do you take anti-depressants? How do you deal with the feelings of guilt? Gah I'm in such a hard place. Please be gentle with me here I'm already about to lose it. ( trust me I feel guilty enough not wanting to take the zolof without a stranger yelling at me to)

mindala31

Thanks for speaking up about this! It actually has also been on my mind recently. I too have battled depression over 10 years and a year ago I weaned myself off of the drugs because it didn't want to take them while pregnant. Just like you mentioned, I've noticed some of the self deprecating and obsessive thoughts creeping back into my brain. I know the hormones don't help, nor does the weight gain, but I try to focus on the important things that are going on inside my body and how I need to be kind to it. I personally am considering going back to meet with a therapist just so that I can talk through some of the emotions I am feeling. I also think it will be good to already have a mental health team in place for postpartum, just to help keep myself in check. Maybe this is something you can look into too?

sagehens47

You're telling my story and are def not alone. I went off lexapro, klonopin and trazodone in march because we wanted to conceive and I assumed being off meds was the best. I had rebound depression and anxiety to a point where I wondered if I could even carry a baby. When I met my OB for the first time she wanted me to go back ON he meds and stay on throughout pregnancy. I of course was incredibly nervous about that. After many discussions with her and my incredible therapist, what I learned was that the risk of being off meds for me was greater than being on them.

Pm me if you want more details - I've tried to be kind to myself but of course my mind creeps in with "you're hurting the baby!" all the time. The depression still comes up (especially after being so sick the past 10 weeks) but for me - and it's a personal decision - this is the best way to go.

jk3610

I have suffered from depression for 20 years and bipolar disorder for 4. I choose to treat naturally (therapy, exercise, moderating caffeine/alcohol, etc) but from the way you describe it, maybe a low dose of meds is the best option. There are some that you can take, i believe, and as some pp said, the benefits outweigh the risks. Baby needs a healthy mama. Best wishes and take care!!!

bayside14

PPs have covered everything. Please remember that part of taking care of your baby is taking care of Mom too!

Ashgal

I had horrible post partum depression after losing my daughter at 22 weeks due to severe preeclampsia. I have been high risk for every pregnancy and stayed on anti depressants throughout my first son's pregnancy due to anxiety attacks and he was born healthy and is still very healthy. It's a risk, but as someone else said sometimes the benefits outweigh the risks. Maybe do some research on anti depressants and pregnancy and have a good talk with your doctor about your options. I would also maybe look into therapy. It might help to have someone to talk to. I wish you luck in all you do. Take care of yourself. 

Duffgurl

I just wanted to wish you the best and I hope you seek the care you need. ::Hugs::

EmmaSF

I take an anti anxiety medication (Cipralex) and also took it with my son. It sounds to me that the benefits of taking an SSRI far outweigh the risks. You need to be balanced and healthy during your pregnancy. I really feel for you! Hugs through the Internet!

picklesx

I dont know much of anything about antidepressants, but I think that the fact that you are looking into ways to help yourself rather than let your depression control you is very admirable. I hope that you are able to find something that works for you, medication or otherwise. Please take care of yourself.

edelat11

I understand depression can be very hard to cope with. But I can tell you're a very strong woman and really admire that you wanna take care of yourself and your baby. I don't have any advice, but know that a lot of these ladies support you and we are all rooting for you!

MitoRachel

I am someone who tends to go the natural route a lot. However, sometimes I need to embrace modern medicine. I take prescription medicine every day. From what you are saying, it sounds like it is time to take the medicine. Maybe once the medicine is helping you feel better you can look for a good nutritionist, functional or naturopathic dr. who might have ideas on how to optimize the hormones your brain is capable of making itself with diet? I wouldn't worry about that until after you get to a place where the medicine is helping you function though. Carry on, warrior.

Jules3600

Brave post. Just want to wish you the best, and comfort in all your decisions.

somewheresublime86

I can certainly understand not wanting to take medications unless you absolutely have to. I've struggled with anxiety most of my life and had a long talk with my ob/gyn before we tried to conceive because I was feeling very torn.

She echoed what @QSB‌ said. If I was diabetic or epileptic, I would continue taking those medications because the consequences of not taking them are so serious. For me, my anxiety is something I have to treat. The alternative is being stressed the hell out. All. The. Time.

We did transition me to an SSRI that is considered very safe during pregnancy, and I'm on the lowest dose. It's keeping me in check, and I'm grateful. You have to take care of you. Talk to your doctor, and treat this like you would any other illness.

Good luck and creepy internet hugs!

lantzysa

As a therapist, of course I would recommend therapy first and foremost. I have had several patients on SSRIs during pregnancy. I would just recommend starting with a low dose and increasing as needed. Your doctor will know what it safe. Also, what other people have mentioned: exercise (yoga), acupuncture, eating right, and journaling. Best of luck to you and please reach out for help to your support system whenever you need it (including us!)

Blergbot

I have struggled with Major Depressive Disorder my whole life. I take Effexor and even an add-on, Abilify. My pregnancy was a surprise, so I had to figure out what to do about my meds about a month in. My primary and my psychiatrist consulted with each other and decided to keep me on my meds until I could see the OB. My psychiatrist did reduce my dosage of Abilify. The OB had me see a genetic counselor to talk over the risks. Even on the heavy-duty drugs I'm on, there are no known birth defects and the risk of drug dependency is very low. Everyone was in agreement that the benefits outweighed the risks in my case, especially as I've been going through some worsening depression over the past month or so. My OB also set up a counseling appointment for me with a counselor who specializes in pregnant/postpartum women.

 I am not a medical professional, but it sounds to me like you weren't on the RIGHT meds to begin with. It took me years to find the right meds/dosage. If you had a suicide attempt earlier this year, I strongly recommend seeing a psychiatrist and looking into other meds. It really sounds like being on meds is your best bet right now, but at least go see someone. Feel free to PM me with any questions.

Edit: paragraphs

karalauren1

I consider myself a natural mama, but I too have had a history similar to yours of depressive episodes and while I don't blame you for not wanting to take an SSRI during pregnancy, if I were to experience the depression I once had I would choose to be medicated. The benefits outweigh the risks IMO if the depression is that severe.

I have had an increase in anxiety with the pregnancy (irrational fear of miscarriage, guilt from working 60+ hours a week and not being able to be a SAHM after, being a bitchy wife, etc) but if it progressed to dark thoughts I would definitely trust my OB to treat me appropriately.

Please take care of yourself. You are worth it

Smash1215

I would also ask your doctor to test your genetics to see which medications would be the best fit for you (this is called pharmacogenetic testing). Many people don't respond well to certain medications because of genetics. Also, a folate supplement (l-methylfolate is best but lots of folic acid can work, too) can help with depression.

Big hugs!!!

lauran82

I was on depression meds for antenatal depression last year with my first child. It was a hard choice for me, but really helped me through what I like to call "crazy brain." So glad I accepted the help; not sure what I could have done otherwise.