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Going by the middle name

Hey ladies!

Anyone here have an opinion on knowingly putting the name your child will go by as their middle name? Does that make sense?

Here's the situation: We had decided on "Vivienne" as a first name and wanted to include "Nora" as a middle name to honor my grandmother. However, DH likes the sound and flow of "Nora Vivienne" better than "Vivienne Nora". Will it be a head ache for life for her or NBD? Do you like one arrangement better than the other?

Thanks for your thoughts and advice!
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Re: Going by the middle name

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    I don't get this trend. Others have posted here that it's been a PITA in their life.
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    DH was always called his middle name. He had his name legally changed on his 18th birthday because it was a total pain. Every first day of class, doctor's visit, application/form, or record was confusing as heck to keep straight. 

    I would never personally do this. I would be more inclined to find a middle name that includes Nora, use Nora's middle or family name, or just forget about flow and put Nora in the middle name slot. 

    Eleanora, Eleanor, Anora are some options. 
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    That's what I thought. thanks for the insight ladies!
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    I really don't see that much difference between the flow of the FN/MN combos you're considering. Also, while I don't really have a problem with kids going by their MN when there's a good reason, as someone who dropped her MN rather than her LN when she got married, I think it could be tricky for your DD if she decides to do the same (which obviously not every married woman does, it just could be limiting/complicated if that ended up being her preference).
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    This seems highly regional.

    I am team it's not a great idea.

     

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    I dropped my middle name instead of my maiden name too @capulet. You make a good point. ;)
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    My mother, who goes by her middle name, made me SWEAR to never do it to my child. It's been a headache her entire life.
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    I am doing this if it is a girl. Her name will be Georgia Louelle and her NN will be Lou until she tells us otherwise. I think Lou is a good girls nn but I want her to have a nice first name too for professional reasons. We thought about naming her Louella for her first name but it has caused some issues in our family, my cousin named her daughter Ella and my mom thinks it will be to close. Its also my grandmas name.
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    Another vote for team don't do it. My parents did it for me, and it was such a PITA that I legally changed it to my first name in college. It bugged me that the name I go by isn't in my old yearbooks or on my high school diploma. Ive also had issues with taxes because of it.
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    My parents did this to me and it is a pain, I would never do it to my own kid or advise anyone else to do it.  I have hated my name my entire life for this reason.  Vivienne Nora sounds lovely and I would say it is better to name her what you want to call her and possibly sacrifice a little "flow" to her name while saving her the trouble of going by her middle name than it is to reverse it when hardly anyone ever says their full name out loud for the sake of a better "flow".
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    I spent 16 years going by my middle name (never my first name) my parents didn't plan it that way just when I was a baby somehow the mn as my name stuck. As it happens I also couldn't stand what was my fn at the time. 
    When I was 16 I legally switched them, (the mn is now my fn and fn now my mn) 
    It did make things more difficult. 
    I don't care about people being called by their mn or known by it in certain circles but to purposely plan to do it seems a little odd


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    I hate this trend. I'm a teacher and it is difficult when on paper the first name has to be the legal first name. We see it written down all the time but have to remember to say their middle name. Then not to mention any time a substitute, volunteer, or specialist comes in we have to correct them. I definitely don't think that the flow of the two names together even comes close to comparing to the problems that going by your middle name brings.

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    The tendency to do this is a regional thing I believe. We live in the south and I feel like it is SUPER common here. I was a high school teacher for 2 years and a good number of my students went by their middle name. They never seemed to mind, but to be honest, I never really asked them about it.

    We do think we are going to stick with Vivienne Nora though.

    And, yes@Joy2611‌, we will pronounce it correctly, although not with a full on French accent ;)
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    Agree with the southern regional thing. About half my male students go by their middle name so it's pretty normal. I haven't heard many girls. Many men in my family are like this, and I don't understand much difference between a nickname, but overall the bump seems to dislike it. I can see why it might get tiring...
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    I have several friends who go by nn of their middle names, and it's always been a HUGE PITA for them. Example: Anna Katherine goes by Katie.

    Just name her Vivienne Nora if you want to call her Vivienne. It flows fine, and she'll thank you for not giving her a lifetime of name explanations.
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    I'm from the south and this is very common for boys. I have never really heard any of them complain. My husband is Matthew and goes by Matt which he has to tell new people each time. I don't see a difference between going by your middle name and having a nickname of your fn.

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    BananaLettuceBananaLettuce member
    edited October 2014
    jburdet1 said:

    I'm from the south and this is very common for boys. I have never really heard any of them complain. My husband is Matthew and goes by Matt which he has to tell new people each time. I don't see a difference between going by your middle name and having a nickname of your fn.

    Also from the south and my H's name is Matthew nn Matt. Yes. This insane way of naming a child is more popular down here, and no, going by a nn is totally not the same thing.

    I'm considering naming a girl Catherine nn Kate. It's not the same thing as naming her Alice Catherine and calling her Kate. Every new school year, ever new class, they will call Alice from the roll, and she'll have to explain that "I go by Kate." I remember how irritating it was for my bff. And because kids are idiots, they would annoy her by calling her by her first name and making fun that she basically had like three names.

    I just don't understand why you wouldn't use the name your child will go by as their first name.
    Started adoption process in Jan. 2011.
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    Surprise pregnancy in Aug. 2012.
    Precious baby boy "HC" born May 2013.
    Began researching EA in 2014.
    No longer pursuing EA due to fibroid complications.
    Officially on the adoption home study wait list.

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    I had a student who was a junior and went by his middle name. Except for report cards and legal documents we wrote his mn on stuff. Half way through 1st grade he decided he was going to go by his "real name" and so he/we switched for awhile and then it ended up being either worked and he wrote/answered to both. This is when it got awkward.
    If the mn is used as a nn, fine. But they should answer to teachers using their legal/first name, but are welcome to tell their friends "call me 'nn'".
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    Vivienne Nora 100%
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    H goes by his middle name and it's kind of a PITA. His first name was printed on our birth announcements because they used the formal names, and everyone in my family was like "who the hell is john". I wouldn't recommend this.

    I also am not a big fan of predetermined nicknames at all.

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