Second Pregnancy - Telling parents — The Bump

Second Pregnancy - Telling parents


I found out that I'm pregnant last week (after having a 32 w 0 day preemie about two and a half years ago due to HELLP).  My HELLP syndrome was severe (e.g., I was a high risk for bleeding out), and gradually my parents have become very aware of just how dangerous my situation was -- they have not wanted to hear any discussion of another pregnancy.  Anyone have any thoughts on breaking the news to my parents? My stepmom is very emotional and her reaction will be one extreme or the other.  I am taking baby aspirin, but there's no way to predict when the condition will recur and really very little that I can do to prevent it (and I didn't have pre-eclampsia last pregnancy, so there were no warning signs). 

I'll wait until the first trimester is over to tell my friends and extended family, but I'll only be able to make excuses when my parents serve wine for so long... and my mother-in-law went snooping through our cabinets (again) last week, so I know that she saw the pregnancy test box.  I swear, she finds a new excuse to go in the master bedroom and look around every time she's here. She was all too happy to inform us that she'd found the band aids in our master bathroom (notably next to the test)...  

In any event, I'm dreading telling my parents, but can't hide this much longer. Any pointers?

Re: Second Pregnancy - Telling parents

  • It's natural for your parents to worry after you had severe complications last time. I also had my DD early (31 weeks 3 days) due to HELLP. However, after my daughter's birth the perinatologist told me and my husband that there was a 20-30% chance of recurrence, but it would likely be later onset, and by taking baby aspirin it would reduce the risk by half. Maybe speak to your OB or MFM to get some information before you tell your parents. You'll be closely monitored and they'll be waiting for something to happen this time so everyone will be prepared. My midwife said at my last annual that next time everyone will be waiting for it to happen so hopefully it just won't. Best of luck and I hope your parents can put their fear aside and be happy or you.

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Can you take someone with you when you tell your parents so they will be more restrained? Sometimes the initial shock produces emotion but then they calm down and begin to accept it. I hope it goes well. Hugs!
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  • Thank you both - I appreciate it. We're telling my parents Tuesday, assuming that our first visit goes well tomorrow.  I've meet with two MFMs and consulted with two gynecologists, so we're well armed to answer questions. My step-mom is just prone to overreaction.. and I never developed pre-elcampsia last time, so I'm pretty difficult to monitor... so they won't like the response to that question.  Am taking 3JTMom's advice, and will tell my parents and in-laws at the same dinner (assuming that my stepmom will come once she finds out that my in-laws will be there... long story, but she pretty much only associates with them on holidays or events at my son's school).

    This all may make for some interesting fireworks.  My mother-in-law never seemed to grasp that I was at risk in my last pregnancy and has repeatedly mentioned my "choice" to have my son early. And my stepmom has limited ability (or will) to restrain her reactions. At least we'll get it all over with at once.
  • I don't have any additional ideas or advice but good luck.  You'll have to come back and let us know how it goes!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks. It went better than expected... my in-laws don't really get it (e.g., my mother-in-law's advice was "to keep my prenatal appointments" ... of course, I did not miss any appointments last time ... and tried to be seen multiple times before I was admitted), and my parents were happy but scared... but not unreasonable.  We've done a lot of homework, so we were pretty prepared for the various questions from them.  

    My mother-in-law still pretty clearly thinks my son's preterm birth was all my fault and largely my choice, so that's annoying. We'll have to find a way to address the awkward things she says to my son before the baby is born.... she's told him that "mommy chose to have him early" on several occasions. My husband is in charge of that conversation...
  • For what its worth if someone told my daughter "mommy chose to have you early" I think I would lose it or leave! Glad it went better tan expected though :-)
  • Your MIL sounds like a douche canoe but I am so glad it went well for you!!

    I'm not new. I just hate The Bump. 

  • Thanks for the support. It's been interesting with my mother-in-law. We've been waiting for the right time to broach the topic... my husband has some hearing loss, and she always manages to say that stuff when he's unable to hear (loud restaurants, talking with his dad five feet away, etc.)... it needs to be said one way or another before I have this baby, but not around the holidays!
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