Hiring Help for When the Baby Comes

larahouseman

So my H and I have been seriously considering hiring someone to come in part-time (about 20 hours a week) and do some light housework and occasionally watch the baby.  We're talking dishes, making beds, laundry, and watching baby while I shower or go to the dentist or whatever.

The topic came up when I was chatting with our cleaning lady last night because I thought she might have some recommendations, and I was surprised when she said she would like to do it.  It never occurred to me she would because she has her cleaning service but apparently she doesn't have any morning clients because up until this year her son wasn't in school full time.  

There would be a lot of pros to hiring her:

-I would totally trust her with the baby.  She has three charming and well-behaved kids of her own.

-She's already familiar with our household and the way I like things done.

-She's a known quantity.  She's already worked for us for 2 years.

-We would save money!  Since she already comes one day a week she would only charge us for the additional 4 days, rather than 5.

But, there is a very big con.  She can be VERY chatty.  

My DH thinks that is not a big enough reason not to hire her.  But he doesn't have to be home with her 20 hours a week, since he'll be at work.  Plus, if I can't stand it and we have to fire her we also lose our cleaning lady.

So...what do you think?  Am I being a brat who should just suck it up?  Is there a way to bring this up without hurting her feelings?  Or is it better to avoid the potential problems and try to find someone else?  Advise me!

NatureLovers

I'd tell her you want someone with professional baby experience.

britb618

I would try it out. It is difficult to find someone you can trust with your child. And I feel like once your child is around she isn't going to be so chatty with you, she will be playing with the baby and cleaning. Also, since she is a mom she should understand that you will be exhausted and wanting to use those hours to sleep or shower run errands etc.  But I could be wrong, you know her best Either way it will be nice having help around the house! Lucky! 

Samiantha101

Will you be at work? If so, I don't see why her being chatty would be an issue.

summererobinson

I may be confused, and I’m not being rude, but why do you need someone to take care of the baby 20 hours a week if you’re a stay at home mom? I mean I guess if you can afford it and want that “me “ time, that’s good, but I really don’t see the need of 5 days a week care for a baby if your home. That being said, you could always try it with her and if she makes your insane change it then.

ECATX

summererobinson said:

I may be confused, and I’m not being rude, but why do you need someone to take care of the baby 20 hours a week if you’re a stay at home mom? I mean I guess if you can afford it and want that “me “ time, that’s good, but I really don’t see the need of 5 days a week care for a baby if your home. That being said, you could always try it with her and if she makes your insane change it then.

I wondered the same thing. I guess the chattiness would depend a little on what you envision her doing. If she's already cleaning your house one day a week, it seems like the amount of light housework to be done would be minimal. I could see time for showering and maybe running errands, too, but that probably wouldn't take up too much time, either. So I guess the chattiness could be an issue if there's not a ton for her to do?

Stargirlb

Doesn't hurt to post an ad and interview a couple others. That might solidify your decision either way

YaMrWhite

ECATX said:

summererobinson said:

I may be confused, and I’m not being rude, but why do you need someone to take care of the baby 20 hours a week if you’re a stay at home mom? I mean I guess if you can afford it and want that “me “ time, that’s good, but I really don’t see the need of 5 days a week care for a baby if your home. That being said, you could always try it with her and if she makes your insane change it then.

I wondered the same thing. I guess the chattiness would depend a little on what you envision her doing. If she's already cleaning your house one day a week, it seems like the amount of light housework to be done would be minimal. I could see time for showering and maybe running errands, too, but that probably wouldn't take up too much time, either. So I guess the chattiness could be an issue if there's not a ton for her to do?

Ya these were my thoughts too. I had zero help with my first kid and we made out just fine. Babies typically sleep a lot when they are first born so I was able to shower, make myself food, fold laundry, you name it. If you choose to babywear you can get a lot done while they nap. I honestly think if I had help I would get bored because I like to always be doing things. But hey, if you have the extra money, go for it!

Stargirlb

having a newborn can be overwhelming for a lot of ppl! If you can afford to hire help, and want help, more power to you!! That's great. Nobody deserves to go it alone who doesn't want to. I have lots of help with my kids and it gives me time to recharge, take care of myself, do things I enjoy, and meet up with friends without kids. I personally attachment-parent infants, EBF, and they basically come with me everywhere. I much rather use the help for cooking, cleaning, errands, doing things with the older kids. Everybody is diff

rockkandi

Please don't listen to anyone who's just jealous of this luxury you can have. I hugely regret not doing this when my DS1 was born. We live in a city with no family and all of our friends work. Anyone who has not been a full-time stay-at-home mom doesn't fully understand the demands. There are zero breaks because when you're not taking care the baby, you are cleaning cooking etc. There are no lunch breaks and there's no quiet drive to and from work. There's nothing wrong with asking for help if you can do so.
My cleaning lady is extremely chatty so I understand your frustration. I feel like she could knock an hour off the time she's here if she just didn't talk lol. However it seems that you have a good relationship with her which is very important. If you can maybe just be very clear with her from the beginning what your expectations are, then I think it has a lot of pontential.

jennyhatt

What a dilemma!!! Your hired help chats too much! I can't help you here- this is out of my realm of expertise.

YaMrWhite

rockkandi said:

Please don't listen to anyone who's just jealous of this luxury you can have. I hugely regret not doing this when my DS1 was born. We live in a city with no family and all of our friends work. Anyone who has not been a full-time stay-at-home mom doesn't fully understand the demands. There are zero breaks because when you're not taking care the baby, you are cleaning cooking etc. There are no lunch breaks and there's no quiet drive to and from work. There's nothing wrong with asking for help if you can do so.
My cleaning lady is extremely chatty so I understand your frustration. I feel like she could knock an hour off the time she's here if she just didn't talk lol. However it seems that you have a good relationship with her which is very important. If you can maybe just be very clear with her from the beginning what your expectations are, then I think it has a lot of pontential.

Yep you guessed it! So jealous! Lol

Stargirlb

I think this is prob more common in urban areas. Having nannies and cleaners etc is common in the city here regardless of whether you work a job or not, but less common in the smaller places unless you work a full schedule. From what I've seen from people around me anyway.

I grew up with a mother who took pride in "doing everything herself" and would make little tsk tsk comments about our neighbour who was a SAHM and had regular cleaners, sitters and help from grandparents. I never understood why my mom thought that was bad or whatever. I mean, if you love doing it all yourself more power to you, but why would it be weird if someone doesn't? I like the saying "it takes a village." I don't work any sort of regular houred job that would *require* help but I have zero interest in doing all the domestic stuff myself if I can help it. I don't like to cook or clean, so I am lucky I don't have to and can contribute to our lives in other ways. I don't find it hard to understand those who like those things, since my mother is one of them. I just have zero desire for that myself.

BookitBoo

I'm not jealous of the luxury. Just really don't understand the want/need for help 4 hours every weekday. That's just me though.


Please don't bring it up to her. If you tell her she's too chatty it does come off as very stuck up IMO.

Stargirlb

I'm a very introverted person. Not shy, just not chatty/social. I like to focus on what I'm doing. I find it very difficult to be around chatty and extroverted people for long periods of time, so the chatty thing would be a major bother for me. And like PP said, you can't say something about that without hurting her feelings-- it's just a personality incompatibility between the two of you. But do consider you might get an extroverted child who would benefit from the care and attention from someone like her. My daughter is like that. I've sought out friendly adult women for her (nice grandma types) who will have her over to look after her for an hour or two here and there and will walk dogs with her and do activities that I'm not into. One lady in our old apartment building downtown was a life coach, super outgoing, and her and Alex became instant buds! I don't stay for these visits myself because I would be bored to tears, but my daughter really loves and thrives off it, and I think it's awesome she is able to have diverse "friends" with all sorts of people thanks to her cool extroverted personality.

llambrose

Personally, if I were already comfortable with her, and there were that many pros and only the con of her being chatty, I would just deal with it.  I would feel good about being able to pay her a little more for extra help and just try to find things for her or myself to do to lessen the opportunities for her to be overly chatty (take a shower, go to the store, things like that). 

southernyankeegirl

I live a long way from family, and DH works long hours, so if I don't establish some sort of childcare on a semi-regular basis, I will probably struggle to regain some of that needed "me time", so I get that.  I plan to hire a semi-monthly cleaning service for at least a few months after LO gets here, and then hire a sitter or drop off at day care at least a morning a week once LO is big enough, if only to go to the gym and run errands and do doctors appointments and lawn care and such without having an infant in tow all the time, plus with day care it would have an added social component for LO.  We can afford it, it's good for my mental health, it isn't detrimental to my child (and possibly beneficial), my DH agrees, so why not?

I realize some people do everything on their own completely with no help from family or hired help, but I don't see any shame in having some help if you are offered it or are able to afford it.  I would totally kill for someone to do my laundry and clean my house and do most lawn work on a regular basis if we could afford it, and I'm a SAHW right now.  Doesn't mean I enjoy those tasks!

I say hire the cleaning lady - someone you are comfortable with in your own home whose parental judgment you trust is really key.  Just make sure those 20 hours are planned out - be out of the house with LO while she does the non-baby related stuff - laundry, cleaning, etc.  And have specific things you want to accomplish (in or out of the house) when she's on baby watch.  So something like, "On Thursday, while you're watching LO, I have a dentist appointment from 9-11am, and then I have some work to get done quietly in my room, if you could keep LO occupied downstairs or in her room until I'm done around 1pm." 

rockkandi

I never said anybody in particular was jealous but of course there are going to be people who bash it purely because...they are jealous. In my examples of a stay-at-home mom but because a lot of people don't really understand the nonstop lifestyle of a stay at home. I'm totally for help if you can find trustworthy people.

BookitBoo

I understand the trials and tribulations of being a stay at home mom. I still (personally) wouldn't want to have anyone at my house for 4 hours every weekday. I get enough 'people' time with scheduled outings (church, MOPS, bible study, play dates). The concept is beyond me, and kinda repugnant simply because I wouldn't want to be dressed And civil.

I also find a lot of satisfaction in doing housework and when I'm stressed it helps me cope. I hate people messing with my personal things or being in my 'private' space.

That being said, do what makes you happy, especially if you can afford it. Just be nice to her is all I'm saying; she's chatty because you're approachable. If you say you don't want her to talk to you (which is what it will sound like) it makes it seem like you're too good to talk to her. If you don't want to put up with the chatting, say you want someone with recent childcare experience and up to date first aid/CPR certification. That should make it less awkward

Jellybean707

larahouseman said:

So my H and I have been seriously considering hiring someone to come in part-time (about 20 hours a week) and do some light housework and occasionally watch the baby.  We're talking dishes, making beds, laundry, and watching baby while I shower or go to the dentist or whatever.

The topic came up when I was chatting with our cleaning lady last night because I thought she might have some recommendations, and I was surprised when she said she would like to do it.  It never occurred to me she would because she has her cleaning service but apparently she doesn't have any morning clients because up until this year her son wasn't in school full time.  

There would be a lot of pros to hiring her:

-I would totally trust her with the baby.  She has three charming and well-behaved kids of her own.

-She's already familiar with our household and the way I like things done.

-She's a known quantity.  She's already worked for us for 2 years.

-We would save money!  Since she already comes one day a week she would only charge us for the additional 4 days, rather than 5.

But, there is a very big con.  She can be VERY chatty.  

My DH thinks that is not a big enough reason not to hire her.  But he doesn't have to be home with her 20 hours a week, since he'll be at work.  Plus, if I can't stand it and we have to fire her we also lose our cleaning lady.

So...what do you think?  Am I being a brat who should just suck it up?  Is there a way to bring this up without hurting her feelings?  Or is it better to avoid the potential problems and try to find someone else?  Advise me!

I do not think it's bratty or stuck up to get extra help if it's within your means to do so. I wish I had that ability when I was a full time SAHM. I wish I had that ability now too!

That said, my feedback is that I would hire the person I trust despite her chatty nature. You are going to have some sort of personality conflict with just about anyone you hire. The upside is that you trust her completely already and that will be very hard to find. The other thing is you might find 5 days a week too much with only 1 LO.

Could you maybe start her at 3 days a week for 4-5 hours? That would give you time to run out the the gym/grocery store/whatever on a regular basis and give her enough time to keep up with the bulk of housework since baby will be sleeping so much. You can always go to 5 days a week later if the arrangement is working well and you need more help. You might go up to 5 days when baby is older or maybe you are expecting another one to give you more rest time.

Also, as baby gets older you might find her chattiness is an asset. It is very beneficial for Babies/toddlers to hear lots and lots of words for brain development. I am constantly talking to DS about everything we see and honestly, it's exhausting. If it comes naturally to her then it's a win win for you and baby!

lavet22

I hired a house cleaner for the first 6mths after DS3 was born.  It was mostly to help with the transition.  I am a SAHM but worried about having enough time to spend with my older boys.  She came one day per week, cleaned the house top to bottom, and then I did the upkeep during the week.  It was really nice, but honestly, we didn't really need it.  And this is when we had 3 kids.  DS1 slept so much during the day, I couldn't have imagined someone coming in every day to do stuff.  How much stuff do you have to do???  Especially if she is already doing the major bulk of housework.  I would have gotten extremely bored, but maybe that's just me.

My opinion, I think you are freaking out over the "difficulties" of being a new parent.  I'm not saying being a parent of a newborn is easy, but it's not crazy hard.  I baby wear so I was able to accomplish cooking, cleaning, laundry all while baby was napping (which he did almost all the time for the first 2-3mths).  Plus, I was able to get at least one nap in per day (with DS1, that is.  Once more kids come into play, forget about it.  Learn quick how to function as a zombie.).  I think you are stressing yourself out over how hard it is when it's really not that bad.

My advise, have the baby, come home from the hospital, and if, when your DH goes back to work, you think you need the help, hire her then.  You may be surprised with how much you can do yourself.  

emilyp2013

Honestly, this is totally way out of socioeconomic class and a situation I am extremely unfamiliar with. That being said, if I were to be somehow in that situation, I would interview a couple other people to be on the safe side and ensure I was finding the best fit for my needs and my budget even if the chatting wasn't an issue (the Dutch immigrant side in my family have always taught me to shop, negotiate, and barter). If I did opt for the current lady, I wouldn't find her chatting a problem mostly because I am extremely blunt and have no problem saying, "I would like some alone time right now and would prefer some quiet. Could you take care of baby/do chores in another room while I relax? Thank you, your support is much appreciated."