Warning. Rant. Disillusionment. Children mentioned. IF mentioned. IUI mentioned. IVF mentioned.

compulsivethink

Great. So what good is a forum if you have to jump through so many hoops and meet such specific criteria that you end up not feeling welcome anywhere?

"Oh, I am sorry that you have been diagnosed with secondary infertility.... And I am sorry you dont have any one close by to talk to about it... And that you are desperately looking for people to talk to that can understand what you are going through.... but unfortunately we strongly recommend you dont join us if you are in the 2ww (which I am guessing are the waiting weeks) or if it is your first IUI cycle.... find another forum! Good luck!"

And what happens when every forum has the same replies?

-dont post here if you already have a child 

-dont post here if you are doing iuis instead of ivfs, even if you are diagnosed with infertility

-dont post here if you are just having trouble ttc and havent had tests done yet

What is the point of having forums if you are not welcome anywhere?

And no, my son is not a bastard! (like someone mentioned in a group earlier)

Marissa6609

I am sorry, I must have missed something?  

I think its safe to say this board is for those who are going through IVF, TTC is for those who are doing IUI or medicated cycles without IUI. I am not sure what your story is or where you are in this process, but I know I have found nothing but support on these boards, and I hope you are able to do the same. Good Luck!

Margritli

**siggy warning**

I am sorry that you are feeling so hurt. I used to be active on this board, but have moved over to PAIF. I still lurk here, because the women were so supportive when we were going through IVF I assume that your post is referring to the info at the top of the board. In general, the women here are very welcoming, but the info helps point people in the right direction, because there are a lot of boards on the Bump, which are the same. There is, in fact, even a secondary infertility board on the Bump (click "The Bump Message Boards" and go to "Secondary IF"), where you might find women in the same situation as you. There are even women here who are dealing with Secondary IF, but on this board, children are just not usually talked about (or at least a warning is included) here. 

Unfortunately, like anywhere on the internet, there are some bullies around (though rarely on this board) and I am sorry if one of them insulted you. 

In order to get off to a good start, you might consider rewording your intro. I am sure the women here or on Secondary IF would be a great support network, but getting off to a good start is really important. IF can be really lonely and emotional. I hope that you are able to find the support you need. 

meld42

Keep in mind it's not necessarily people wanting to "kick you out" of a group, but you might not get any support from a bunch of women doing IVF ( as in 'infertility' forum) simply because they might not know as much about IUIs. I only did one IUI before IVF. Some women don't even try IUIs before IVF.
It really would be a disservice to you. I don't really know what happened to you, but forums are groups of people talking about mostly one thing. If you're doing IUIs, you will have more support in 'trouble trying to conceive' the names of the groups are just semantics. Good luck in your journey, sorry you're in this situation.

Twinkie0612

I'm sorry you are having issues. I think the rules/guidelines for most forums have a purpose and aren't really meant to exclude you. For example this board asks for child warnings if you are mentioning a child or siggy warnings if you have a ticker or pic of your child in yor siggy to warn members that are having a sensitive infertility day. We never exclude women with children, just ask that you put the appropriate warnings.

As for the IUIs, we usually direct people to the TTTC board (or in your case TTTC a sibling) because most women here are doing IVF, so you will find more women in your position on another board. We do have some posters going through IUIs that post here though. As for the 2WW rule (which I didn't know was a rule), that is meant to keep people from being "drive bys". It's amazing how many women come to infertility boards and make their first post a pic of their positive pregnancy test.  Why come to a board where you have never participated to post a pic of your positive test?  If you are looking for support, you need to give support as well, which you can't do if you don't bother to post until you get your BFP.  There is a similar rule on IFV board.  It's for women who have been on the infertility boards for over 6 months, but there is a rule that you can't join if you are actively cycling.  It's to protect the members from "drive bys."  The board is meant for women dealing with long term infertility.  I wanted to join that board after IVF #3 failed, but since we were moving directly into a FET with donor embryos, I did not intro there.  When our FET failed and we were benched while waiting for testing with a RI, so I ended up introing then. 

These boards are communities and each have their own culture.  If you were traveling to another country, you would respect their culture right?  The same applies when you become part of an online community. 

If someone on these boards did infact call your son a bastard, please report them.  Name calling (especially someone's child) shouldn't be tolerated. 

Good luck with your future treatments, I hope you find succes quickly.

 

Sha259

So far I think you have gotten some pretty dope guidance. 3T a Sibling is newer, but likely right up your alley with people in very similar situations to yourself.

Specifically here, on IF, you will find the majority of us have moved on to IVF, never had children, are trying our darnedest,  and can have really bad days where pictures and discussions surrounding current children can be very painful.

The guides for where to go aren't really meant to exclude, but more to give you a feel for what to expect, and to guide everyone to the forum they are most likely to feel completely comfortable in.

Good luck in your TTC journey.

tweetyknicks

I am sorry for your trouble.

A single poster's poor interpretation of "7 y/o BB" should not condemn the whole community, particularly since the comment was not on this board and BB is not listed in any glossary of abbreviations I can find on TheBump (link in the "read me first" post on this board).

As PPs said, the suggestion to check out Secondary Infertility and Trouble Trying to Conceive were meant to help you find people situations more similar to yours, not to tell you that you are unwelcome here. If you found 2IF too unwelcoming, read the intro rules for TTTC and intro there. Just keep in mind that many of us on TTTC or IF are still waiting for our first successful pregnancy. Some have been waiting for years.

All we ask is that you give a heads-up if you mention a sensitive subject. You want people to be considerate of your situation and polite to you. We simply ask that you treat other board members that way, too.

Sigh202

The rules are there to direct people to the best board for them and to protect active participants of any particular board.  For example, someone clearly ignored the READ ME and just posted a photo fo their pregnancy test in a separate thread.

Regan1976

See, here I am utterly confused because I hadn't even read the board rules close enough apparently, but people still answered my questions, quite nicely and supportively too, even though I haven't moved on to IVF. I'm biding my time with IUI until enough weigh is lost. I never bothered posting but once in the TTC after 35 board. Most of the posts in TTC after 35 seemed to be people doing it naturally. I never posted on Trouble TTC because there weren't a whole lot of medication mentioned on there. So I brought my questions here. When I posted here there was support galore. Oddly, there were when I just checked that board today. Granted, my very first post was haggered and panicked but people here have been nice to me ever since. Not one person has told me to get out because I don't belong. Reread some of the posts on your question with a different view point, don't let one that may have been negative spoil others that may have just been trying to share the rules with you. Lots of the ladies here peruse several board because they've gone through all the steps and are some where along the process line knowing they get blurry sometimes. Breath deep. A couple times. 

LynnLee7

I think you started off on the wrong foot with the boards, each board has a **Read First** to direct you if that board is for you, and most boards request that you give the other members an intro with a short back story of who you are, what you've been through, and what your going through, so that we may relate, offer advice, welcome you, and just plainly get to know you.  With that being said most boards will welcome you with open arms but you have to RESPECT the board AND the women there with warnings (Do your research)!!  These women are already giving you advice and trying to point you in the right direction, and you are clearly not taking it how it is intended. One ignorant person's misinterpretation of BB (which I think you made up that acronym because I cant find it anywhere else) does not represent the whole community!! If you are offended, take it up with them, its not community business or delete the post. I agree with @IFinTN Good Luck, Here's some links that may help you:

Trouble Trying to Conceive a Sibling

https://forums.thebump.com/categories/trouble-ttc-sibling

Bump Glossary/Acronyms

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12186444/badges-siggy-help-acronyms

BostonGayGal

I introduced myself to 3 or so boards before I found the right one too and this one only fits part of the things I would like to chat about. So I get that. Hope you find a board that fits.